Fuck. Another stab of panic. “Sydney, no. When you start a sentence like that, I know where this conversation is going.” I shook my head, stepping into her again. If she was going to create distance between us, I was going to break the barriers and erase that space. “You are not going to do this. You’re not going to give me thatit’s not you, it’s mespeech because we’d both know it’s bullshit.” Though I felt the irony. I’d perfected that speech. I had written the original.
I reached for her, expecting her to pull away but she didn’t. She melted into my hold, gripping on to my biceps.
But still, she wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Talk to me. You know you can,” I said, cupping her face.
“What’s going on between us?”
I smiled down at her, gently brushing my thumb against her cheek. I wanted to shut down every doubt she had about us. “Everything is going on between us. And it’s just the beginning.”
Though I had gotten to know Sydney in the short span of time we’d been together, I wanted to know everything about her, every single thing that was on her mind. I wanted to memorize her wants and dreams like a song on repeat in my head. I wanted to make this woman’s dreams, all she wanted to accomplish, come true.
Being with her was like an adrenaline rush—the kind I’d get from shutting down a fully loaded baseball game when we were tied at the World Series.
“I’m just not sure that we can do this, that it will work out. There is so much stacked against us. We live such different lives. Not to mention, Alec and Brandy and—”
I kissed her to shut her up, to stop the lies she was feeding herself.
I felt victory as she kissed me back, but then she pulled away, creating distance again.
“Don’t do that, Sydney.” I rested my head against hers, my eyes falling shut for a moment. “Don’t create problems in your head that aren’t there.” My voice took a begging tone, but I didn’t care. How could I put up a mask and not be vulnerable in front of this woman who had seen me at my lowest, broken, feeling sorry for myself?
I pulled back, my eyes locked intently on hers. “Are you happy?”
“What? You keep asking the same questions.”
My jaw tightened. “Because it’s important. Are you happy when you’re with me? Because even in pain and with and a torn rotator cuff, I’m on cloud fucking nine when I’m with you.”
She smiled then, and I drank it up. I wanted to own every one of her smiles, be the source of it.
“I am. So happy.” She placed one light hand on my beating heart. “What’s happening between us is so unbelievably crazy in the best possible way, and I haven’t felt like this in years.”
“Good,” I said. “And I don’t plan to change that anytime soon.” I kissed her forehead one last time before begrudgingly giving in to her and pulling her to the island. “Let’s eat, and then we’re going out.”
“Where?”
“Where else do you go in shitty, cold weather?” I sat on my stool and grinned mischievously. “Ice skating, of course.”
“Okay.” She twirled some of her pasta on her fork.
Okay. Settled.
I took a bite of my chicken. Once I swallowed, I cleared my throat, allowing myself to be more vulnerable this time. I wasn’t used to being so needy, but I’d also never been in this position. “After I come back from rehab, we’re going somewhere, just the two of us, somewhere warm. I want to take you on spring break. Mexico.” I was still determined to work on her list. “And after we come back, when I’m cleared and spring training starts, I was …” I stuffed more pasta in my mouth. “Uh … I was wondering if you’d come with me. And if not, I could fly you there during the weekends. You wouldn’t be the only one,” I rushed to say. “Some of my teammates’ wives stay all of spring training.” I paused. “Come to think of it, maybe you should take a break and come with me when I go to LA. Everyone knows you need a break.” Now, I was babbling, but I wanted her with me every waking minute of every day, and I knew the two weeks in LA would feel like an eternity without her. “I’d need to know soon because I leave before the week is over. So what do you think?”
“I don’t know.”
“When was the last time you took a long vacation?”
The corner of her mouth tipped upward.. “I don’t even remember. That’s how long it’s been.”
“Well, you have to come with me then.” I poked at her side and she jumped. “Come on. You know I can be very, very convincing.”
When she scrunched her face, I poked her side again. “Come on. Say yes to vacation.” I poked her side again and tickled her where she squirmed in her seat.
“Okay. Okay.” She swatted at my hands to keep them away.
"You said, okay. I’m booking you a ticket.”