“You should’ve known me better than that to know I’d never mean those words. Drew and a few other guys kept cracking jokes about you and were giving me shit for hanging out with you all the time, and I just wanted to shut them up. Drew teased you behind your back every chance he could and so I said the only thing I could think of to shut him up.”
“They sounded real to me,” I say, not quite sure how I feel about his confession.
“So, after everything we’d been through, it was just that easy to drop me?” he asks, hurt evident in his tone. “Was that it?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I cried myself to sleep for months! I missed you so goddamn much, all while hating your guts. My emotions were all over the place, and then when I started high school, you were all my friends talked about. It was torture.”
“I tried to get your attention, Viola,” he growls, his lips dangerously close. “You ignored me anytime I tried to talk to you. You walked away as if I’d meant nothing to you at all. You looked at me as if I was the most disgusting person in the world. Thatdestroyedme.”
His words hit me like a brick, and I can’t breathe. “I didn’t want to hear your excuses after that.”
“Was our friendship not strong enough for you to even consider giving me the opportunity to make things right again?” His jaw tightens, and I can see the vein in his throat bulging.
“I already felt like a pathetic loser. I wasn’t about to confront you about what I overheard. I didn’t want to be anyone’s pity friend.”
He shakes his head, pinching the back of his neck. “How didn’t you see, Viola? How didn’t you see how special you were to me?” He shifts his body, fidgeting as he continues, “You were the only person who ever understood me.” He inhales a deep breath. “I never even told Drew about my father. You were the only one I ever told.”
My mouth falls open at his honesty, and I’m lost in his words. My head is spinning, and my heart is betraying me.
“I-I never knew that. I always assumed Drew knew.”
He shakes his head, looking defeated.
“Viola, I swear on my life that I never meant a word of what I said to Drew that day. I was a dumb kid, embarrassed for having a crush on his best friend’s sister, but I was never embarrassed by you. I wascrazyabout you.”
My breath hitches as our eyes lock.
“I’m still fucking crazy about you.” He takes a step closer toward me, trapping me between his hard chest and the wall, and wraps his hand around my neck, pulling my lips to his.
His kiss is desperate and telling, heated and passionate, deep and soft.
It’severything.
His other hand cups my face, and I completely lose myself in him, giving in to every breathless motion. All the pain and emotion are packed in this one kiss. It’s unlike any other kiss we’ve shared, and I can tell he notices, too.
He leans his forehead against mine, pulling back just enough to catch his breath. “All those years of one-night stands and random hookups never meant anything. They were to numb the pain I’d felt from losing you.”
I swallow, unable to fully absorb his words. I keep my eyes closed, afraid if I open them, tears will come falling down. His confession takes me completely off guard, and I want to melt into his arms right here.
“Why didn’t you fight for me then? If you’re being honest about the way you felt, why didn’t you push me harder to ask me what was wrong? It was as if you’d just given up.”
He sucks in a deep breath, shaking his head against mine. “I was scared.”
“About what?”
He takes a small step back, keeping his palm on my cheek and looking into my eyes. “I’d seen the way my father treated my mother for years. I was certain I’d be built the same way, and if we’d become closer, I’d eventually turn out like him. I started to convince myself that perhaps you hating me was for the best, so I’d never be able to hurt you. I didn’t know how to emotionally handle the way you just discarded our friendship, so anytime you shot daggers at me, I shot them right back to get some kind of reaction out of you, even if it was a negative one.”
Tears well in my eyes. The thought of it hurts my heart. “You’re not your father,” I whisper. “You’ll never be your father, Travis.”
He shrugs, not convinced. “I never wanted to get close enough to anyone to find out.” His words start clicking in my head, making sense of every little thing we fought about. He’s constantly on defense mode. He studies my expression and begins rubbing the pad of his thumb along my jawline. “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did tonight. It was uncalled for and completely out of line. I have no excuse.”
I’ve never seen Travis like this in my entire life. He looks so vulnerable and desperate for my forgiveness.
His hands run through my hair and instinctively, I fall into his touch again.
“I’m sorry, Viola. I’m so fucking sorry I said those words, that I hurt you, that I didn’t fight for our friendship. I was a coward and filled with teenage hormones I didn’t know how to control, and I took it out on you every chance I had.” He looks at me with so much sincerity, I can’t take my eyes off him. “I fucked up.”
I’m in shock at how honest and sincere he’s being. I’ve imagined this scenario a hundred times in my head, never really believing it’d happen.