Coming down from the high and watching Blake collapse on top of me while realizing I’ve failed my family and God, make me jet out of the room.
I hear Blake’s protests as I flee. They make me hate myself even more. It was good until I remembered that it should be bad.
ChapterSix
Matthew
“What happened to you?”
Tristan glances at me and shakes his head.
I know he hides who he is, but the fear in his eyes tells me that maybe he’s afraid. He looks haunted.
Did someone hurt him for being different?
I’ve heard so many stories and horrible tales, of men and women being beaten and even killed because of their sexuality. Is this why he hides?
When I met him, I thought we had a connection, but he began to hate me right after. Maybe he hates what I represent or resents that I can be myself. This man. This poor man needs a friend and someone who’ll tell him that it’s okay to be himself. He’s safe and he’ll be loved.
No one has told him that he should believe in himself. I wish I could give him a thread of hope. Something to hang onto while he heals. There’s so much I’d like to say and ask.
The least I want to do is to reach out and pull him into an embrace, but I can’t just assume this is why he keeps to himself. That he battles monsters and ghosts every single day.
What if I’m wrong?
But what if I push those walls and help him fight his internal demons?
I can feel the open wound beneath the cold armor he wears. He reminds me a little of Thea, the bartender in Silver Moon. She’s a loner and keeps a barrier between herself and everyone else. I try to destroy them, but she reinforces them every time I get too close.
It’s a fun battle that I plan to win. When I look at Tristan, I wonder if it’s worth trying to get to know him.
There’s something that pulls me to Tristan and Thea, and yet, both keep pushing me away. I can’t help but wonder why I’m attracted to them.
“Sorry,” I finally break the silence.
“For?”
“Everything that happened to you. It must have been jarring and so painful that it made you hide from everyone—even yourself. I bet you’re worth getting to know.”
He scoffs. “I wouldn’t know.”
With the fear that he might reject me, I reach for his hand. This time instead of encircling his wrist, I intertwine our fingers. “Maybe we could do it together. We can dig and find the guy who got buried under the battles you had to fight.”
“I doubt there’s anything underneath.”
That’s probably one of his biggest problems. There are parts of himself he doesn’t know because he loathes himself.
“Neither one of us can be sure of what’s there until we try to shovel all the debris from your heart and your soul.”
He snorts. “Listen, I understand that you have a great family, but—”
“They can be yours too, if you open yourself to the possibilities.”
He stops abruptly, snatches his hand away, and stares at me, almost frozen. I don’t know if he’s breathing or if I should call 9-1-1.
“I can’t,” he mumbles. “We… you and I…”
“Well, you’re thinking too highly of yourself. I’m not coming onto you, Cooperson.” I wink at him. “You’ll know when I do.”