The silence on the other line confirms my fears. It lasted about a year. All my efforts to help her kick that habit are obviously gone. I wipe the tears that roll down my cheeks. A combination of anger and sadness overtakes my heart.
How can she do this to herself?
To me?
“Just count me out of your plans.” I fight to keep my voice steady.
I look at my bracelets and move them enough to read the number Mattie wrote today. Two thousand eighty-two. We take turns writing them down because Matt and Tristan want to be a part of everything, just like I want to be a part of them. That reminds me that I can fight Martin Levitz. He has no power over me. I’m not afraid of him.
Not anymore.
“He has a plan. His old friends included,” Mom repeats. “His band. Remember Chris? Of course, you don’t. You weren’t there. It was Evan.”
She begins to cry again. I remember seeing Martin six weeks ago. I almost lost my shit because of him. His presence makes more sense. He’s looking for a way to get to the Decker family. I have to be careful, or he’ll use me as leverage. The last thing I need is him back in my life.
Clearing my mind and lungs, I try to calm my pounding heartbeat. “I wish that for once, you’d be a mother and not his puppet.”
I don’t eat my feelings. Even as I try to protect her from my words, I want her to know that her role shouldn’t be Martin Levitz’s wife.
“Something’s gotta give. From this point forward, I’m done with you until you get clean—because you want to, not because I make you.”
“Aggie, please don’t do this. When he calls you, be nice to him.”
“I swear that’s the last time I’m telling you how to find me. This isn’t the first or the last time you’ll turn away from your own children. The kids you were supposed to protect from the moment you conceived them until they could defend themselves. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for throwing me to the wolves.
“Do you have any idea what he did to me? I’m sure you did, and you never stopped him. Is that why Evan killed himself?”
“Now you’re just being cruel,” she sobs.
“Me? I didn’t know telling the truth is a form of cruelty.” With that, I end the call.
When I put the phone down, the stream of tears rolls down my cheeks, crying for everything I’ve gone through because of her, because of her fucking husband. I pray to whoever will listen that he doesn’t call. That he never finds me. Because I don’t know what I’d do to him…or to myself.
At lunch, I decide to go to the cell phone store. I have to change my number. On my way out, I find Matt.
“Just the person I was looking for.” He gives me a peck on the cheek. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better,” I say, heading toward the stairs.
“Where are we going?” he calls after me.
“I have a few errands to run and only an hour to accomplish everything on my to-do list.”
He catches up to me. “Well, I have a car and I can help you. Where’s the first place we need to go?”
“The cell phone store to change my number,” I spit and then clamp my mouth.
“Who upset you, Butterfly?”
“I… it doesn’t matter.”
“But it does, and I might have a great solution to your problem. Tell Matt what happened.”
I cock a brow, “Really, tell Matt?”
He opens the door of his Jeep. “Yes. I have people who can get things done faster than… well, me.”
Not sure what that means, but I only have an hour to get postage, a new number, and some lunch. I humor him. “As you know, my parents and I don’t have a good relationship. Still, I have some contact with Mom. She’s not allowed to give my information to my father, but that doesn’t stop her from doing it.”