Even back in the day, I never touched Cora like this. She was beyond me, like something right out of reach. Even when we both wanted this, even when this was all we could ever think about—especially then—Cora never let it get to that point.
But now my hands are on her body, and I never want to pull them away.
“Let go of me.” Her voice is calm and soft. Almost silken in its sweetness, which means she’s really pissed.
“Not until you hear me.”
“Nolan.”
“You dragged me into this, remember? You came to me.”
“I didn’t tell you to shove a gun in Jaxson’s mouth.”
“No, you’re right, that was my great idea, and I think I’d do it again if given the chance. But you still came to me and got me involved, and that triggered everything else. This situation, it’s starting to spiral and things could get bad, and if you want to get through it without more heartbreak then I need you to listen to me.”
“Like I listened to you before?”
I yank my hands back as if she lit them on fire. I stand and step away, staring at her, jaw tight. She can’t meet my gaze like she knows she went too far and my hands ball into fists. A thousand things pass through my mind, some of them not so good, and I have to take a beat before I carefully choose what to say next.
“Things are different now than they were back in the day. I’m in charge here and I choose what’s going to happen from here on out. I didn’t have that power back then.”
“I know,” she says quietly. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I’m not fucking around with you, Cora. You want this job? You want my money? I need you to keep your mouth shut, count the money when I tell you to count it, and follow my orders.” I turn away from her, hands still balled, trying to get my anger under control but failing, like I failed her seven years ago, like I failed her again six years ago when her mother died, and like I’m afraid I’ll fail her now if I don’t get my shit together.
“I’m getting some air.” She shoves her chair back and stands. “Or are you going to pin me down and keep me inside?”
“Go ahead.”
She leaves the office and slams the door behind her. I grimace, staring at the floor, and wonder if there’s a limit on how many sins I can atone for, if there’s only a brief limit when those sins can be cleansed away, and if I’m much too late to fix a damn thing.
Chapter 6
Cora
I count the stupid money.
There’s a lot of it.
I keep my mouth shut.
It’s not easy.
The day passes, the club fills up, and Nolan takes me home. “If anyone shows up here, call me.” He shoves a phone into my hand. “It’s a burner with a single number in it. That’s my personal cell. If anyone comes looking for you, you call me right away. I don’t care if you think you can handle it yourself. Call me. Got it?”
“Got it.” I get out and he drives away, leaving me to stand on the porch staring at the phone in my hands. I want to call him right now, say I’m sorry, say a dozen different things—we were both younger, we were stupid, neither of us had any control over what happened, and we were all trying not to fuck it up even if we did fuck it all up—but I can’t bring myself to do it.
What will that fix anyway?
No use dredging up old ghosts. The new ghosts are just as bad, if not worse.
Kady comes home an hour later. I have dinner on the table, just peas and pasta and red sauce, but she storms into the trailer, ignores the food, and stomps off to her room, slamming the door behind her.
I look out front first—the truck’s there and it’s fixed.
That’s a good sign at least.
I knock on her door. “Kady?” I open it and find her sitting on the end of her bed, staring at the window. Her eyeliner is smudged and she’s glaring like she wants to smash her fist through the glass. “What happened?”
“Jaxson showed up at work as I was leaving.”
I tighten my grip on the doorframe. “What did he do?”
“You know what the fucked-up thing is?” She won’t look at me and my stomach’s a mess. “I miss him. Please, you don’t have to tell me how stupid that is, I’m very aware already, but I really do miss him. I miss the way he kissed me and called me babe and slapped my ass and laughed when he went down on me—”
“Too much info, Kady.”
“Sorry.” She wipes her face and grins back at me. “I miss the way he smelled. It was like wood smoke and weed. Why the hell do I even like that smell? It’s like a freaking frat house, but I loved it anyway.”