Another wave of guilt slams into me.
“When she was a child,” Silas says gruffly. “I obviously never noticed her then. But that day, you brought her in to see the windows. It was like she was a stranger. I didn’t recognize her.”
“You didn’t?” Mom says, letting her bracelet go, biting down like I sometimes do.
“I swear,” Silas replies. “I knew I should have. Hell, Julian, youtoldme she was coming in. But for a few seconds, I forgot all of that. I saw her…and I felt it all, all the stuff I’ve always talked about.”
Dad sits back, running his hand through his beard, scratching at it like he wishes there was more there to pull on. It makes me think of when I was little, and his beard was wild and tangled.
“You know my daughter’s had a crush on you for years,” Mom says.
I gasp, glaring at her.
Mom glares right back at me. “Are you saying he doesn’t already know?”
“He does,” I say. “I just didn’t knowyoudid.”
“A woman can tell. I’ve seen the way you look at him whenever he’s on TV or in interviews online. I’ve noticed.”
“So what if I did?” I snap. “That doesn’t affect this.”
“Of course it does,” Mom says. “Silas, my daughter is only nineteen. She doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t know….”
“You were nineteen when you met Dad,” I cut in. “So don’t tell me I don’t know what I want. Dad was in his mid-twenties. You were nineteen. You got married. You had kids.”
“And that’s what you want?” Dad asks, his voice soft. “With each other.”
“Yes,” Silas and I say at the same time, our voices equally passionate.
“How many times have I talked about wanting to be a mother early?” I say. “I know neither of you disagrees with that. I know you want grandkids.”
Mom’s eyes light up at the thought. I can see all the future happiness shining across her vision.
“I’d never want you to rush into anything,” Mom says.
“There won’t be a rush intoanythingunless I give my blessing,” Dad snaps, glaring around the table and then settling on Silas. “Explain how you feel about my daughter.”
“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” Silas says. “Are you going to be okay with me being honest with saying how I really feel?”
“That’s what I want,” Dad says gruffly, his mood inverted from earlier, as though all the giddiness has become fire.
Silas sits back. I’m doing my best not to look at him, wanting to keep the desire buried, knowing it will flare up after how fiercely he defended me.
“I love her.”
Now Ihaveto look at him.
Mom lets out a cry, and that’s when I know she’s on our side. That’s when I know she trusts me to be able to do this. It’s in the quality of the noise like I can read her hope and affection for the future we want to build.
Silas looks at me, his intense blues blazing, his lips shaped into a possessive smile like he’s claiming me with the words.
“I love you, Lauren,” he says, then turns back to Dad.
“I love you too,” I whisper, knowing I can’t leave it unsaid.
But part of me wishes we were somewhere else, under different circumstances, so I could kiss him, hold him, and sink into him.
“It’s the only way I can explain it,” Silas goes on. “I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I need to. I need to be the father to her children, support and protect her, and always be there for her. I need to be the best husband, father, and provider I can be.”