She takes a breath as if summoning her courage.
“Because I can’t keep going hot and cold,” she goes on. “I know I have no right to complain. Of course, we have to be discreet. But I want you to know what this means for me.”
“Tell me,” I say firmly, raising my hand as if to place it on her, then lowering it when I remember the pilot and copilot might see.
She notices the movement, flashes a look at me, then stares down. She’s looking into the past, or the future, or maybe both.
For a second, I’m sure she imagines the countless family scenes constantly tempting me, the happy laughter bouncing through the house, the footsteps and calls ofMommyandDaddy.
“I’ve had a crush on you for three years.”
She pushes the words out, her voice shivering as though she’s summoning the words with effort.
“Since my birthday, when I blew out the candles and looked up. I wondered if you would ever notice me. If youcould.”
“I’d be a sick freak if I noticed you then, Lauren,” I tell her.
“I know. I get that. But it doesn’t change how I felt. And since then, honestly, I’ve had a crush on you. And by sort of…I mean a lot.”
She looks at me, quickly turning like she has to or she’ll overthink it. While staring at me, her lips shake as she speaks. “I knew it was wrong every second. But it didn’t, doesn’t change how I felt – feel. It’s something I never thought could happen, you and me.”
She presses her hands together, sighing through clenched teeth. “I want you to know it matters to me. This. Whatever’s happening here.”
“It doesn’t affect how I feel,” I say. “So what? You had a crush on me. It doesn’t change a thing.”
To begin with, she bites her lip, the gesture that drove me so feral. Even now, it causes lust-filled scenes to flare up in my mind.
But I force myself to look past it, sink into the intimacy, and give my woman the respect she needs.
“Howdoyou feel?” she asks. “What are we doing, exactly? I feel like, normally, we’d have time to figure it out. But….”
She averts her gaze again as though confidence is clashing endlessly with her natural instincts—her virginal nerves.
I know what she’s going to say without her needing to.
She needs to know what we’re building precisely because if it collapses, it will take her dad with it.
Unless….
The right man, Julian said.
I look up as the blades come to a stop, noticing the pilot standing from his chair, raising his hand as he walks over.
“I guess it’s time to pretend,” Lauren says, pushing at the helicopter door, then huffing when it doesn’t open.
I lean past her and find the handle. “It’s just here.”
She stares into my eyes, the angle bringing us inches from each other, her body so close I can smell her scent.
She smiles sarcastically, but it’s a front. The pain glistens in her eyes.
“Thank yousomuch.”
“You’re welcome,” I say, ignoring the sarcasm.
I should tell her now. How I really feel and what I want for her future.
I could make the pilot wait.