ELLINGTON
MY SINFUL, SINFUL,little demon
In my dreams, you will see
That you are what I want you to be
You’re my demon
I’m your devil
And I will keep you chained in hell forever
I stare at the diary opened on the first page lying on the bed. The chain that was wrapped around my neck last night lies down the center of the pages next to the words written in Sin’s handwriting.
Looking up and around the room, I see I’m in his bedroom back at his parents’ house. I don’t remember how we got here. Did he bring me here? If so, where is he?
I don’t remember anything past us fucking on the swim deck. My heavy eyes fell closed during my second orgasm, and when I opened them, I was here and it was morning. A blank diary sits next to me. I’ve spent hours reading over the first page, trying to make sense of it all.
My cell beeps, signaling a text, and I pick it up to see it’s Kira confirming our plans for tonight. She’s either not here at her parents’ or she has no idea I’m in her brother’s room down the hall from hers.
Rising to my feet, I manage to make my way to his bathroom with just a little help from his wall. Turning on the lights, I see I’ve got bruises around my neck from the chain. Inspecting my knees, I have them there from the swim deck as well and one on my hip from when he pulled me up onto the boat.
Turning on his shower, I step inside and fall over. My shoulder hits the wall, making me groan. Why did I drink so much? I know why. To drown out the memories that were screaming in my head. But they always come back. You can’t erase real life. No matter how much you try.
Falling to the shower floor, I sit under the sprayer and close my eyes as the warm water runs over me like a downpour. My mind is fucked up right now. Sin is the mystery man. I should have known, right? I should have recognized his voice. The way he walked. The hoodie. He wore one just like it at theFreak Show. But come on, I too have a solid black hoodie. So I can’t hate myself for that one. But there had to have been other signs I just chose to miss. Or maybe I wanted the mystery man to remain just that. He didn’t know the real me. Or so I thought.
How many times has he come to visit me in the past two years? More than I can count. He hardly ever spoke. And when he did, his voice was low. Barely a whisper. Hell, at times, my mind thought I heard him speak, but I was just hearing things. The mind likes to play tricks on itself.
I have listened in on enough of my mother’s sessions to know that people can convince themselves things aren’t real. I thought the masked man was someone I didn’t know. Therefore, I never even thought to look for similarities, which brings me to another thought.
Easton Bradley Sinnett killed my stepdad.
That thought hits me like David’s hand to my face. Shock and surprise make my chest tighten. Why? It wasn’t for me. So what had James done to deserve to be killed? I’m not sad about it, but I am curious. From what I’ve heard over the years, the Lords take care of their own. Which could mean something good or bad. Depending on what you’ve done for them, their society can make you disappear. Make it look like you never existed.
And James’s finger? Why did Sin have to take his finger and phone? What was on there that was so important? I’ll never know. Sin would never tell me, and I’d never ask.
Managing to get myself up off the shower floor, I start to wash my hair with his shampoo. I learned a lot last night. Not only about Sin but also myself. I wanted to make him jealous with Mack. I wanted to push him to see how far he’d go. I got my answer. A part of me wants to know how much further he’ll go before he breaks.
_______________
I’M WALKING DOWNthe hall, a diary in my hand. I found my car in Sin’s parents’ driveway this morning. Once again, I had no clue how it got there. But I quickly ran by my house this morning on my way to the university. I catch sight of Sin walking toward me with Jayce, but he doesn’t see me. He’s too busy staring down at his phone, typing away. It makes me wonder who it is he’s talking to.
So I’m good enough to fuck but not text or call? Not sure why I’m surprised. Or why I’m jealous. I’m more pissed off at the fact that he’s the masked man who snuck into my room and got me off. I should be ashamed of what I’ve allowed that man to do to me. But I’m not. Instead, I want more. More from the man I thought he was and more from the man that I now know he is.
Jayce says something to him, and Sin’s eyes lift from his cell to meet mine. They look cold. Unforgiving. I like that about him. He’s not fake. He hates the world even though it’s given him everything he’s ever wanted. He pockets his phone, tucking his hands into his jeans, and starts to head for me. Ignoring whatever it is Jayce is calling out to him.
I pull my backpack farther up on my shoulder, and right before I get to him, I take a right, opening up a door into the classroom.
“Okay, now …” Mr. Hamilton stops talking when he sees me enter. “Elli.” His eyes narrow on mine.
I stand, waiting for him to kick me out, but he won’t. He can’t afford to make a scene—not this time—because it’s not just us. Class has officially started. And if he wants me to leave, then he’ll have to drag me out by my hair.
I hear the door open behind me, and by the way that David stiffens, I don’t even have to turn around to see that Sin followed me in. “I’ve got a story to share,” I state.
“Oh, I don’t mind. Go ahead.” Mack’s currently standing at the podium and runs off to find his seat at my announcement. He hates sharing. Honestly, the guy either has a boring sex life or no imagination. You can’t say pussy or cunt without his face turning red.
David crosses his arms over his chest and looks away from me. His silence tells me everything I need to know.