‘You’re assuming it’s me.’
I was. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘I don’t have an aversion to commitment.’
‘The brevity of your affairs would suggest otherwise.’
‘It doesn’t suggest anything of the sort.’
‘Then why have you never aimed for something more?’
‘Maybe I’m working on it.’
Right. So was that why he’d been so keen to address the issues between us? Was he trying to get the overwhelming and inconvenient attraction he felt for me out of his system so he could move on to the woman he was in love with? Quite possibly. And that was completely fine.
‘Well, personally,’ I said, picking up a skewer and using my fork to push off the tiny chunks of fragrant chicken with a fraction more force than was possibly required. ‘I never allow anyone close enough to get to that point. Like I said yesterday, people let me down. They disappear when they get to know the real me. I don’t need that kind of hassle in my life.’
‘That sounds lonely.’
It was sometimes, but it was a sacrifice I was more than willing to make. ‘At least I stay safe and avoid any unnecessary pain,’ I said as I dipped a piece of chicken into the aioli. ‘And anyway, I don’t think you’re one to lecture on loneliness, when you’re always out here on your own.’
‘I’m not always out here on my own.’
That was a surprise, although I didn’t know why I was so taken aback. Just because I had issues with other people it didn’t mean everyone did. And the friction that existed between us could well be unique. He got on well enough with Seb, after all. And other women, one in particular it would appear.
‘I’d have thought the blondes would burn,’ I said a bit waspishly. ‘The sun’s very strong.’
‘I wouldn’t know,’ he countered as he peeled a prawn. ‘I’ve never brought any of them here. I was talking about my mother and her husband. Friends.’
Right. Well, that was something of a relief to know. But... ‘But you have condoms. In a box. In your room.’ And I remembered this, why?
‘I picked them up at your hotel on Zanzibar.’
‘So even in the midst of my misfortune, you were thinking of sex?’
His eyes darkened and his gaze dipped to my mouth and lingered. ‘When it comes to you, I’m always thinking of sex. Among other things. Plus, I’m an optimist.’
Yes, well, no amount of optimism would get me back into bed right now, when I was hungry and feeling suddenly so out of sorts. And besides, I was now curious about something else. ‘What other things?’
‘You don’t want to know.’
‘That bad?’
He thought for a moment, then eventually said, ‘Over the years, you’ve meant chaos and disruption. Monumental upheaval and a constant battle for control. Stress and frustration and endless cold showers. I’ve resented you for having that effect on me. I’ve despised myself for not being able to conquer it.’
So it was that bad. I should never have asked. ‘And now?’
‘You still mean all those things.’
‘No wonder you described me as dangerous,’ I said lightly while feeling, of all unexpected things, a little upset.
‘Don’t forget gritty, hard-working and optimistic.’
‘Not to mention resilient and determined.’ Currently being demonstrated by my resolve to get over myself. ‘And there was me thinking you’d always considered me impossibly silly and superficial.’
‘Not for a long time.’
I leaned back and stared at him in surprise. ‘Really?’