“But, you hate him.” She takes a sip of her drink. I can see how she’s working it out in her head. “Oh my gosh. New Year’s! You both disappeared after the ball dropped and then you were very weird and short in your texts to me all week long.”
I don’t say anything, because I try my best not to lie excessively to her about things that need to remain a secret. A secret from her is better than an embellished lie. I hate both, but I love her too much to put any kind of additional danger in her path. New Year’s Eve was close enough. And, not to mention, she’s not totally wrong in her assumptions.
We walk up to the counter to pay for the few things we’ve managed to choose from the case. “Leo, baby. Everything in here is gorgeous,” I tell him.
He waves his hand at me. “I just put out the pieces you both chose. They are my favorite.” He points to the earring and bracelet set that Everly selected. We chat for a few more minutes about the apparel of Everly’s he just ordered for Spring.
Once we’re back in the cold, we make our way farther down Main. More crowded now, we decide to snag a bench to finish our drinks.
“Are you reallynotgoing to tell me anything more?”
“Can we pretend it’s not Henry for a minute so I can gush?” I ask.
She enthusiastically nods.
“I have been officially fucked the way the universe had always intended. It’s so good. I know, I know, don’t make that face at me.”
“Fine. Keep going.”
“I’ve never come so hard in my whole life, Ev. And I’ve done it a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But everything that man does drives me insane. And it’s not even that kinky. It’s just hot, and it’s like if he isn’t fucking me, or licking me, or touching me in some filthy way, it’s not enough. My whole body buzzes like there’s a live wire somewhere every time he’s near me. I don’t understand it.” I stop talking fast and furiously with my hands and finally look at my best friend.
She smiles. A big, wide, stupid grin.
“And he’s just so easy to be around. He can be so grumpy and dick-headed, but I forgot how easy it is to just talk with him.”
“Wait, didn’t this just start? What do you mean, you forgot?”
Shit. I backpedal. “Just that I didn’t realize he’d be like this. Like, I can just talk to him without having to try too hard. It’s easy to be with him. You know what I mean?”
She stares at me for a minute, nodding slowly.
“And I’ve always been attracted to him. I mean, look at him.” I smile at her because she makes another stink face. “But when we’re alone, just the two of us, it’s nothing I was expecting. But it’s easier to breathe. He makes me feel protected. I don’t know… this all sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud.” I shake my head and try to tamp these feelings down a bit.
“You’re in love with him,” she casually says as she sips her drink.
I scrunch my nose at her. Hearing it out loud makes me want to shove it back in her mouth, like someone who shouldn’t, might hear. But I don’t correct her.
“Holy shit. G, you love my brother!” She scrunches her nose, mimicking me, and then covers her mouth like she’s just discovered the most awesome and awful thing all at once.
“No. I am absolutely not in love with him.”I’m fucking lying.If it wasn’t for the visit from Denise, the very knocked-up wildebeest, then I’d probably be planning to see him after this. Text him back and tell him to meet me in my bed, but seeing that woman, doing something I can’t, did more than sober me from our situation. It shook me. At my core. And I’m trying really hard not to let those feelings unravel me completely.
“You’re going to marry him,” she sing-songs. “Are you going to have babies with my brother. Holy shit, you are!”
That statement knocks me sideways. “I’m not. I can’t, even if I wanted that. Which I don’t.”
My vision blurs, and I realize quickly that I’ve just let a truth slip out that I never had any intention of sharing. With anyone.
“Hey, hey, hey. Why are you getting upset? I’m so sorry. I got carried away.” Everly drapes her arm around me, and I lean on her shoulder and let a few tears fall.
“We were never even supposed to happen, Ev. I can’t be what he needs, not in the long game. I can’t evenhavekids.” I look up and shake my head at her, telling her I don’t have any desire to go into the details. And like my total ride or die, she doesn’t push. “He wants all of those things. A family. I know he does, but that’s not something I can offer. Not in any traditional way, at least. So for now, we’re making things complicated, and I don’t know if I’ll come out on the other side of it whole, but well, here I am. Now you know.”
I wipe the tears that are still falling and look back at her. She wipes my nose with her sleeve. “That was gross. You didn’t need to do that.”
“Shut up. I got you,” she says.
We sit back on the bench and look up at the sky. So many stars. So many more than I ever saw in my old life.
“I promise not to disappear,” I tell her. She looks at me curiously. “When things fizzle out with me and Henry. Or when one of us takes it too far. I promise I won’t disappear or ruin this. Ruin us.”