“She knew about my time in the Air Force. The accident. The injury. She also knew other things about my life that nobody really knows.”Thatpulls my attention back to the present. “Things like how many times I showed up to the police station asking about your case. How often I called the detective assigned, asking for updates regularly. How I had a tree planted in Central Park in your memory. How I still flew out to Manhattan every couple of months and added to my tattoo every time I went.”
I blink and try to digest what he’s saying. We only knew each other for a night. Hours, actually. Why would he do that?
He takes a deep breath and looks up at the sky. A grounding breath, because what he’s telling me is too heavy. “She didn’t come at me with any hidden agenda or threat. Just with an offer to help her keep tabs on people she placed around Colorado in witness protection. I know enough people. I know the towns that nobody would think to look. I travel around for the family business enough to make stops and take the temperature of the areas she had placed some assets. It wasn’t a coincidence that one of those people was you. Right in Strutt’s Peak. You recognized me. She needed to play interference and find a solution.”
I shift uncomfortably, knowing that his attention is focused on my reactions to all of this. I realize with a start that I’m still wearing the green dress from last night. Hiking up the length of the satin material so it's gathered at my hips, I sit on the side of the pool. I drop my feet into the cool, clear water. Then lower to my ankles. Then to my calves. The movement makes ripples as I drag my legs back and forth under the surface. It’s enough to distract me from pouring too much into what he’s telling me.
He drops down next to me and mimics the movement, gliding his feet into the water. I watch from my peripheral as he leans back on his arms, eyes on me. He’s waiting. But I’m still not sure how I feel about any of this.
“I knew within seconds exactly who you were,” he says, pulling a piece of my blonde hair between his fingers. “When she said the only way you were staying was if I agreed to work with her, then I knew there was no choice. It was to keep you at a distance and see you, make sure you were okay, or never see you again. Fate wasn’t going to deliver you to my doorstep again. So I took her deal. Made the agreement with her, and you.”
“What am I supposed to say to all of that?” I ask. Because that admission… it’s a lot. Way more than I ever expected. I pushed him away because I thought I had to, that it was the best thing to do. For everyone involved, but really, it was the least messy for Bea. We’re so fucking stupid. Years. YEARS of pushing him away when I didn’t want to, but I did it with the understanding that it was the smartest choice. The safest choice. But look at where I am. Where we are. We avoided nothing!
I’ve picked my feeling. It’s anger. I choose anger.
I stand in a rush. It kicks up water, disturbing the infinity edge. “You know what I think?” I raise my voice. “I think you want to be the good guy. Always the good guy. Follow rules, swoop in, and save people, even when you don’t want to do it. You couldn’t be the hero in the Air Force, so you just do it everywhere else now. You do what you’re told. You fly your planes to escape the obligations that were dropped into your lap unwanted. Well, newsflash, Henry. I’m not an obligation. I don’t need your help. If you had been man enough to talk to me, and not Bea about all of this, we could have avoided—” I cut myself off. I’m trembling, on the verge of scream-crying from frustration. “Yearsof the back and forth when it didn’t have to be this way. YEARS!”
Following my movements, he pulls his legs out of the water but doesn’t stand. Instead, he sits there and smirks. He fucking smirks. Like I’ve missed the punchline.
“I don’t think now is the time to start throwing around two-cent therapy sessions. You knew what I wanted from you. And you…” He shakes his head, still smiling like an asshole.
That’s what throws my patience over the edge.
“Iwhat, Henry?” I say, raising my voice. I have so many emotions rushing through me at the moment, but anger is the one I’m best at showing when it comes to this man. So that’s what he’s getting. My hands are moving as fast as my heart is beating right now. “My life was thrown into fucking shambles! And the only thing I’m told that will keep me alive is to follow the rules. Be someone entirely different.”
He finally stands. A few feet from me, he watches as I unleash.
“Exactly,” he says calmly. “You followed the rules. Did what you were told.”
Hearing my words thrown back at me is brutal. Deep down, I know I’m being unreasonable, but the time wasted is ripping me apart. I can’t stop shaking. “You want to just stand there and tell me that you looked for me, that you were looking after me. Trying to keep me safe…” I pause and move closer to him. “I’ll never feel safe again.Ever!Look at what happened. I’m not the same woman you met in that bar. I haven’t been her for a very long time, so stop thinking you feel something for me, when really, you haven’t moved on from the idea of me. This is the clusterfuck of my life—”
I can’t finish my rant because I’m suddenly moving through the air and crashing into the pool. That prick-headed sack of— I gulp a mouthful of pool water just before I break the surface.
I cough out water and suck in air. Instead of rushing out, I tread there, cooling off.
“You pushed me in the pool.” I gape up at him.
“I did,” he says seriously. A moment goes by, and he lets a small laugh escape from the breath he was holding. “You needed to cool off.”
He turns around to head back into the house. But before he makes it too far, I yell out, “I never asked you to ditch your own life and look after me. I don’t want you to be the hero. This is my goddamn story. I’m my own hero!”
He doesn’t look back, but he hasn’t taken another step away either.
“You didn’t have to ask. I made my choices. And I’d do it again.”
He clears his throat, rubs his palm from the top of his head, through his hair, to the nape of his neck. Then, he starts to walk away.
Oh no you don’t.
33
Henry
The woman pissesme off more than any other human on the planet. Even when I’m trying to tell her what she means to me. The things I’ve done and the lengths I’ve gone to in order to keep her hidden and safe. She still wants to fight me on it. Once she gets started on a rant, there’s no stopping it. Especially when it comes to putting me in my place. Or trying to, at least. So, I pushed her into the pool.
Then, as soon as she breached the surface, I felt like a real ass. The woman has been through enough in the past twenty-four hours, and I should have known she was going to break down at some point. I just forgot that she’s trained herself into believing that when I’m within fifty feet, all venom should be aimed directly at me. We’re alike in that way; anger is always the first emotion. Hers just tends to be louder.
I grab two large white towels and move quickly back toward the pool. I’m not trying to be a hero. But I sure as shit want to keep her safe.“I’ll never feel safe again.”That gutted me. If she only knew how hard it’s been to watch her. Stand to the side and quietly observe. I’ve barely been living. Simply surviving from one snarky interaction to another. My breath hitches whenever I see her and I’m left waiting, just like Milo with his squeaking toy, patiently and eagerly, with whatever she’s willing to give me. To not be able to hold her and make her feel even a fraction of what I feel for her. It’s so much deeper than physical attraction. It’s some kind of third-realm level shit when it comes to how my body responds to hers. I’ve been in a chokehold for too long. If she can’t hear me, then I need to show her.