I think about doing exactly that, telling him what happened. Telling him how I ended up here. But then something tells me to hold back.Keep quiet. It’s not just yourself that you need to keep safe. It’s everyone who is tied to you as well.
“There’re a few ways we can play this right now, Pixie. And none of them includes you leaving town. So don’t even think about trying.”
That tone would normally make me flinch, but with him, I want to lean in. Maybe even poke a bit. “You’re not trying to boss me around now, are you, flyboy?”
I must catch him off guard with that, because he sniffs out a small laugh.
His already deep voice drops an octave lower when he responds. “If I was giving you direction and telling you what to do, believe me, you’d know.”
I swallow the threat, and warmth rolls through me. I don’t want to admit it, but damn, I kind of liked that.
“I’m just trying to figure out how a dead woman just showed up and crashed into my life? A woman that I looked for even after I went to her wake and funeral, because for some reason I didn’t want to believe that the universe could be so cruel. Giving me only one night with her when I knew,I knew, I was supposed to have more,” he says so easily. I swallow the emotion that’s trying so hard to creep forward. He can’t be serious. I mean, who says this?! By all accounts, I’m just a stranger. We’re strangers to each other.Aren’t we?
He crowds into my personal space, putting us toe to toe, leaving only inches between our bodies. I’ve never stood so close to a person, and not been touching. Yet, I feel like I’m being held. Suffocated by his proximity and not at all interested in breathing if it means moving away. I want to be smothered, but then again, the man doing this to me just announced that he’s going to marry someone. And that someone isn’t me. Andthatdose of reality is what snaps me out of this. Whateverthisis.
He looks up at the sky, a white puff of air leaving his mouth in a frustrated-sounding huff. He rubs the back of his neck, letting the silence thicken. “Why do I want to just forget about everyone back there and go wherever you’re going?”
I take a small step back. And then another. He looks down at my feet moving away. Two more steps back and I hear the ding of the gondola approaching the station. My ride is here, and I need to get the hell away from him. For a roster of reasons now. One very glaring one in particular that has nothing to do with my situation and everything to do with his.
“Get back to your fiancée, Henry.”
I don’t hear him say anything else. I don’t want to either. I’ve already made up my mind. I need to put space between us. Immediately. I turn on my heel and I don’t dare look back, keeping my pace steady.
It’s not until nearly thirty minutes later, after the gondola ride down the mountain and the brisk walk to my loft, that I let out a long breath, followed by a “FUCK! Fuckity, fuck fuck fuck,” hopefully loud enough for the universe to hear. She really slapped a bitch tonight.
I pull out my phone and send out a text. One that I’ve dreaded ever having to send.
10
Henry
“Where did you go?”Her eyes are searching mine for an explanation. The problem is, I don’t have one that’s going to make her feel better. In fact, if I tell her where I went or who I followed, it’s going to make all of what I’m about to do much worse. “After we made the announcement, I turned around, and you were gone. Then, you were quiet for the rest of dinner when you came back. And now you’ve been sitting at the kitchen counter without saying a word.”
It takes me a minute to say this. I hate that I’m going to hurt her. But staying is no longer an option. Denise searches my eyes, and she has every right to feel anxious. This is going to sting.
“I don’t want to get married.”
She doesn’t move, just stares at me for what feels like a full minute.
“Elaborate. Right now, Henry.” She shifts her weight, readying herself for this conversation. Denise is a fighter. We’re alike in that way, so I know for a fact this isn’t going to be a calm discussion. “You don’t want to get married? After we just announced to your family that we’re getting married!?” She throws her arms out, slapping her sides on the way down.
“There isn’t anything I’m going to say that’s going to make you feel better right now. And I feel like shit doing this. But I know I can’t marry you, Denise.”
“So it’s not that you don’t want to get married. You don’t want to get married tome. At least be specific when you’re about to destroy someone.”
I take a deep breath and stand up, so I can move closer to her. I care about her; we have history together. We share a dog, a home, a life. I feel like a piece of shit. I know if that pixie hadn’t walked back into my life tonight, this conversation wouldn’t be happening right now. But I respect Denise, and I don’t want to hurt her by staying and thinking that would be the right thing to do. It wouldn’t, for either of us. So that means I need to get out now, before it can get messy. And it will. I know it will.
“What’s changed? Between now and earlier this evening, what could have possibly changed, Henry?” she asks with anger laced throughout the words.
Everything.
I lean back on the counter behind me, taking in my partner. My friend. She’s been the person to get me back to a normal that didn’t feel chaotic, but regimented. “We make sense, Denise. If you ask anybody, you and I are a power couple, but I don’t think I realized until tonight that it’s not enough for me. I thought it was, but…” I don’t finish the thought because I also don’t want to hurt her by telling her the whirlwind who just barreled into my universe, the one who makes no sense at all, is the catalyst to the immediacy of this decision. I think, no matter what, I would have come to this conclusion about Denise and me eventually, whether it would be in a month from now or five years after we tied the knot. But it doesn’t change the fact that at this moment, I’m leaving because what I want is not only alive but living in my town.
“Denise, you had to give me an ultimatum. That, in and of itself, should have tipped me off that I’m not the right person for you. And vice versa.”
There’s even more beyond that, because I understand ultimatums. Sometimes people can’t get out of their own way, but that’s not me. I’m not a lazy partner. I’m happy in my career. The role that I’ve cultivated inside of my family’s business is exactly what I want right now, but Denise can’t seem to let go of the fact I don’t want more. She’s always been a bit of a debutant, a rich upbringing coupled with her socialite-level status has awarded her to come across as a bit intimidating. I always liked that about her, but over the past few months, her need to fuel negative gossip in town has become more noticeable. It makes me wonder if she’s unhappy underneath it all, or if this is just a side I never allowed myself to see.
Either way, I don’t like it. And as much as she loves being associated with my family and people, knowing that she’s a part of the “inner circle” of the Riggs family, she really doesn’t enjoy or want to spend much time with them. They’re always going to be important to me, so that means spending time with my brothers, having dinners with my dad, and working late with my sister. None of that interests her.