I dried off and got dressed. When I came out of the bathroom, the talking stopped. I tugged my fingers through my wet hair. It felt like we had been here before. Last time there had been food, and I had ended up between the three of them. Whilethe prospect of repeating that was exciting, I couldn’t stifle how nervous I felt.
I drifted down the hall and saw the three of them on the couch. A football game was on the screen. There was a takeout bag and bottles of beer on the coffee table. They were deeply invested in the game on the screen.
I instantly felt like an idiot. I had assumed that with all three of them here that something was gonna go down. That everything that Adam had talked about—all the things that he wanted to do to me—was gonna happen as soon as I got out of the shower.
“You good?” Darius asked, sipping on a beer. He looked directly at me, while the other two men on the couch were still focused on the television.
“Yeah,” I said weakly. “I, uh . . . I didn’t expect you guys to be having lunch.”
“It’s a late lunch,” Cameron agreed. “But Darius brought it with him.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a taco. He offered it to me. “I guess it’s a habit when we watch a game to have food and beer. I’m not complaining.”
I took the offered taco and moved to sit on the floor by the coffee table. I unwrapped it and bit into it without paying the television any mind. I was paying attention to the three men on the couch. Should I mention it? If I did, would that make me sound eager?
I didn’t even know what I wanted. I looked away and just drifted through the possibilities. The more I thought about it, the more the nervousness turned into curiosity. They wouldn’t actually hurt me, even if they were spanking me. I had just let Adam’s eagerness get to me.
I finished the taco and leaned back, stretching my legs out. I’d been overthinking things, as one did when it came to something new. The first time I’d been between Cam and Adam, I hadn’tdone that. I had just gone with the flow of it. It had been fine. More than that—it had been hot.
“Grace.” Adam got my attention. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “What are you doing?”
I blinked at him. “Relaxing?” I wasn’t watching the game, though my gaze had drifted to the television. “Why?”
He made a face and looked at Cam, a wordless conversation going on that I missed. “I was just wondering,” he said dismissively. “For a minute, it looked like you were watching the game,” he said, then he nudged his roommate. “But I guess not, huh?” He grinned suddenly. “You caught up in what I proposed earlier?”
Had he been making me sweat on purpose? Or was he just waiting to see if I was gonna? I bit my lip and considered the three of them. “It’d be fair,” I said after a beat. “I’m sure there’s a lot of pent-up aggression you have toward me—”
“No,” Cameron interrupted. “Because if there is, no one needs to be raising a hand against you.” He leaned forward to look at Darius, then at Adam. “I get why there would be, but for this to be safe, you can’t be mad at her while you’re spanking her ass. You’ve got to let go of that shit, or there’s no way that can go from something that’s kinky and fun to something sexual if you beat the hell out of her ass.”
Darius looked back at Cam. “I have no desire to hurt her. This was his idea,” he said, pointing at Adam. “There are a lot of things that I’m holding against her, a lot of shit that I’m angry about.” He paused, and he turned to meet my gaze. “But I don’t want to hurt you.”
That wasn’t as comforting as he probably meant it to be. It just made me feel bad. I looked down into my lap. “If you want to beat my ass, go ahead. As long as I can sit down in the morning, I won’t complain.”
“Fucking great,” Adam said, getting up. He didn’t wait for anyone, he just headed down the hall like he expected us to follow him. “Let’s get this rolling before it gets to be too late.”
“I think we should set some rules before we go too far with this,” Cam said as he got to his feet. He didn’t move to follow Adam, he just moved around the coffee table and stood just outside the hallway. “Give her the option to back out if things get to be too much and understand that getting even isn’t the main point.”
“What is the point, then?” Darius asked. He looked at Cam, his brows together. “Adam painted this as a picture that someone was getting what they had coming to them.” He gestured to me as he spoke. “There needs to be even ground here for all of us to move forward with this . . . this arrangement that was proposed the last time we were together. Right now, there’s nothing even about what we have going on.”
“I’m sorry,” I said thickly. I got up, wishing I had brought my clothes in here with me. Now felt like a great time to go home, but I couldn’t leave all my stuff with me. “I don’t know how to show you just how sorry I am. There’s no way to make us on even ground,” I said, looking at Darius. “I’ve ruined your friendships and I’ve gotten Adam fired. No amount of sex, spanking, or any other thing that Adam can dream up will make up for it.”
“Grace,” Cam protested. He must’ve seen how on the edge I was.
I took a step back from him, raising a hand. “But if going forward this is gonna make you resent me every time you’re with me, if it makes you feel you’ve got to get even . . . maybe we should just not.” I shook my head. “There’s no way to have anything resembling healthy if every time you look at me, you think about how all this started. I’ll understand. I deserve a lot of animosity. But I don’t want to limp along with something and just create more resentment.”
Darius stayed on the couch. His gaze dropped, and he looked unsure. Adam had come back down the hallway, standing in just his boxers. He shook his head. “I already told you what I wanted.” He waved his hands. “But out of the three of us, the only one that really got screwed over here was Cam.”
That caught Cam off guard. “Me?”
“What?” Darius asked at the same time.
“Be real,” Adam started. “If he had realized Grace was Grace in the beginning, none of this would’ve happened. If he hadn’t freaked the fuck out for as long as he did, there’s a good chance that all of this would’ve happened differently.” He glanced at me. “I called you out at the restaurant. My involvement in this was all by my choice. Me losing my job wasn’t a surprise. My reaction afterward was before I realized the actual part I played in it.” He shrugged dismissively and looked at Darius. “I’m pretty positive you’re in the same boat I’m in. You walked into this willingly. Even after you knew she was with the both of us.”
Darius rolled a shoulder. “And I was under the impression after being with her, after all three of us got involved, that there was intent to make it serious.” He shook his head. “But we got played. We got played by Grace and Shay.”
“If this was just a game,” Cam said easily, “we all wouldn’t be here. It might’ve started out that way, but the only one that was really played here was me.” He looked between Darius and Adam. “You guys walked into it willingly.”
Darius started to argue before he stopped himself. Finally, he nodded. “Before the last time, I thought we were moving forward with this because she had feelings involved.”
“I do,” I said without hesitation. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”