I hardly knew myself these days.
Instead, I laid my lips on my own fingers—still over her lips, forming a barrier between our mouths—and just breathed her in. I inhaled her scent—sugar and vanilla. My body felt energized simply from being near her.
Then my heart cracked down the center as I moved back and she asked brokenly, “How many?”
I frowned. I searched her face for a clue to what she was asking. Poppy swallowed and, this time, she placed her fingers over my lips. “How many?” she repeated.
I knew then exactly what she was asking. Because she stared at my lips like they were a betrayer. She stared at them like something she once loved, lost, and could never win back.
Ice-coldness ran through me as Poppy pulled her shaking hand away. Her expression was guarded, her breath held in her chest as though protecting herself from what I would say. But I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t, that look on her face slew me.
Poppy exhaled and said, “I know about Avery, of course, but were there any others in Oslo? I mean, I know there will have been, but, was it a lot?”
“Does it matter?” I asked, my voice low. Poppy’s paper heart was still in my hand, the significance of it almost scalding my skin.
The promise of our lips.
The promise of our halved hearts.
Forever always.
Poppy slowly began to shake her head, but then, shoulders slumping, she nodded once. “Yes,” she whispered, “it matters. It shouldn’t. I set you free.” She dropped her head. “But it does. It matters more than you’d understand.”
She was wrong. I understood why it mattered so much. It did to me too.
“I was away a long time,” I said. In that moment, I knew that the anger that held me captive had taken back control. Some sick part of me wanted to hurt her like she’d hurt me.
“I know,” Poppy agreed, her head still low.
“I’m seventeen,” I continued. Poppy’s eyes snapped to mine.
Her face had paled. “Oh,” she said, and I could hear every hint of pain in that tiny word. “So what I feared is true. You have been with others, intimately … like you were with me. I … I just…”
Poppy moved to the edge of the bed, but I reached out and caught her retreating wrist. “Why does it matter?” I demanded, and saw her eyes glisten with tears.
The anger within me dimmed slightly, but it came back as I thought of those lost years. Years I’d spent drinking and partying away my pain, while Poppy was sick. It almost made me shake with rage.
“I don’t know,” Poppy said, then shook her head. “That was a lie. Because I do know. It’s because you’re mine. And despite it all, all the things that have happened between us, I kept a vain hope that you would keep your promise. That it meant that much to you too. Despite everything.”
I dropped my hand from her wrist, and Poppy got to her feet. She headed for her door. Just as she reached for the doorknob, I said quietly, “It did.”
Poppy froze, her back bunched. “What?”
She didn’t turn. Instead, I got to my feet and walked to where she stood. I leaned down, making sure that she would hear my confession. My breath blew her hair from her ear, as I said, so quietly I could barely hear myself, “The promise did mean as much to me. You meant that much to me … you still do. Somewhere, underneath all this anger … there’s you and only you. It will always be that way for me.” Poppy still hadn’t moved. I drew in closer. “Forever always.”
She turned, until our chests were touching and her green eyes were staring into mine. “You … I don’t understand,” she said.
I slowly lifted my hand and pushed it through her hair. Poppy’s eyes fluttered to a close as I did so, but they opened again to watch me. “I kept my promise,” I admitted and watched the shock cross her face.
She shook her head. “But I saw … you kissed—”
“I kept my promise,” I interrupted. “Since the day I left you, I haven’t kissed anyone else. My lips are still yours. There’s never been anyone else. There never will be.”
Poppy’s mouth opened, then closed. When it opened again, she said, “But you and Avery…”
My jaw clenched. “I knew you were near. I was pissed. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me.” Poppy shook her head in disbelief. I stepped closer still. “I knew seeing me with Avery would do that to you. So I sat beside her and waited until you appeared. I wanted you to believe that I was about to kiss her … until I saw your face. Until I saw you run from the room. Until I couldn’t stand seeing the pain I’d caused.”
Tears spilled down Poppy’s cheeks. “Why would you do that? Rune, you wouldn’t—”