“I’ll go back home,” I burst out, “and we’ll both get back to our lives. You’ll save many people, and so will I.”
CHAPTER 36
AftermyconversationwithKalyll, I remained in the tent, trying to sort out my feelings. I couldn’t wrap my head around the terrible pressure in my chest. Ever since Kryn and the others kidnapped me, all I’d thought about was going back home, and now that I would be able to return, I felt no hint of the relief I’d expected. Instead, all I could think about was the way Kalyll made me feel when he was near me, and the way he’d made my entire being soar last night.
Why did I feel this way? Why did the thought of going home scare me when it should be the opposite? And then it hit me, I feared that no one else would ever make me feel this way again, feared that I would never see him again, never inhale his intoxicating scent, never touch his powerful chest and feel his heart hammering under my fingertips.
I feared an empty life.
Pushing up on trembling legs, I stood from the pile of furs and slowly straightened my clothes and hair. I rolled the leather strip Kalyll had given me between my fingers as fairytale ideas flashed through my head: Kalyll breaking his engagement and choosing me, his brother discovering the subterfuge and unseating Kalyll, the once-prince leaving Elf-hame to be with me in my realm, and other scenarios each more ridiculous than the last.
None of those things were possible, and it was ludicrous to even contemplate an outcome where he and I could be together.
Our realities were on opposite cardinal points. He was north and I was south, and we’d met in the middle for a bit, but that was over, and now we both needed to get back to our true lives.
Resolved to handle the situation with dignity, I tied my hair and walked out of the tent. Outside, I was surprised to find more tents and several fires casting a warm glow across the night. I glanced around, trying to find Kalyll or anyone in our original party. Belasha’s soldiers, I assumed, regarded me with curiosity, probably wondering what I was doing here, how a human woman had come to be part of Kalyll Adanorin’s retinue. Did they hate me for being close to their prince? Did they wish they could take my place?
“Dani.” Arabis noticed me and walked toward me. “Kalyll says you’re feeling better.”
I nodded.
“And he… explained everything.”
I nodded again, unsure of how to feel about her. She had been nice to me until she thought I would cause trouble and get in between Kalyll and his betrothed, until she thought my interference would cause a war.
Could I blame her for that?
I guessed not.
I didn’t want to be the reason an entire realm went to war and thousands of innocent lives were lost.
“Why don’t you join us? You must be starved?” Arabis gestured toward one of the fires. We walked together and, on the way there, I noticed Silver tied to a nearby tree, two males standing guard next to him. His gaze followed me. I expected hatred from him after I’d thwarted his attempt to murder Kalyll, but I saw only regret and sadness in his expression. What was his story? What had brought him to betray his friend? I would probably never know.
Jeondar, Kryn, Cylea, and Kalyll sat by the fire, all eating what looked like roasted meat, flat bread, and fresh vegetables. Cylea picked up a plate that had been set aside and offered it to me with a smile. I took it and sat on a log next to Arabis and across from Kalyll and Cylea. The flames from the fire danced in his eyes as he looked at me, wearing a sober expression.
“It’s a novelty, isn’t it, Dani?” Jeondar said. “The prince sitting with us at dinner, and all thanks to you.”
He lifted a wooden goblet in toast, then drank. The others did the same.
“We can’t thank you enough,” Cylea said. “He’s less of a pain in the ass now.” She notched Kalyll with her shoulder.
“You probably prefer me as a beast,” Kalyll said. “You’ve already complained about the additional work.”
She bobbed her head from side to side. “You have a point. All the planning meetings and talk about strategy and the need for counsel do get in the way of fun. I hope you won’t be so overbearing when we get back to Imbermore. The last time I didn’t even have time to go shopping.”
Everyone rolled their eyes, including Arabis.
“Like you need another dress,” Kryn put in.
“How long will it take to get back to Pharowyn?” I asked, poking at my food with a two-prong fork.
“Eager to get back home, I see,” Kryn said, wearing the biggest smile I’d ever seen on him, especially directed at me.
“I am,” I said, returning his smile. I had no intention of letting him see my true feelings about my departure.
Across from me, Kalyll lowered his gaze to the fire and shifted in place. I tried not to read anything into his reaction. If he felt the way I did, even just a little, I didn’t need to know it. Things were hard enough already.
“Then you’ll be happy to learn that you don’t have to go all the way back to Pharowyn to cross back into your realm.” Kryn pulled something out of his pocket and offered it to me.