“Well, shit. How could you? It’s not like you check any of the risk-factor boxes.” Fee blows a huge gust of air out. “I’ve been scared to get pregnant because of my own risk factors. I nearly died giving birth to Mia. Now I’m thinking I should take it seriously. I’d love for Zane and me to have another child. Maybe even two.”
Alex tenses just a little. As well-adjusted as she is, it’s still such a blow for her to have gone from being blissfully ignorant about her fertility issues to losing any ability to conceive in such a fleeting period of time.
“God, between the four of us ladies, we sure know how to amp up the LTZ drama.” Ronni shakes her head. “Are you so incredibly sad, Alex? My heart hurts so bad for you.”
Alex shifts in her seat a bit. “I am sad. It’s a weird sad, though. When the pain started, I knew it was the baby. When I woke up in the hospital, it was devastating to hear what happened. I braced myself for an even deeper sense of grief. The strange part is, while I’d never wish this on any of you ladies, the entire experience has filled me with such a deep sense of gratitude. I’ve never felt as settled. Or at peace. I have more than most people could ever hope for.”
“I feel the exact same way, Poppy.” I snake my arm around her. Kiss her temple.
“You two are so freakin’ adorable.” Fiona exaggeratedly swoons.
Ronni leans in, conspiratorially. “Are you nervous seeing Zoey? She’s due any day now.”
She doesn’t get the chance to answer because the doorbell rings.
All the air in the room turns charged. None of us know what to expect. Zane, who is sitting next to his mother, doesn’t move so Fee jumps up and dashes to the front door. We can all hear Ty, Zoey, and Carter saying hello in the foyer and then the three of them are standing in the living room. We all stare. Nobody knows what to do or say.
Ty looks as relaxed as I’ve ever seen him. Zoey, whose belly protrudes two feet in front of her, catches my eye. If she’s pissed I never returned her texts or calls, her expression doesn’t show it. Even if it did, I’m still not sorry. Her expression softens when she sees Alex. When Alex catches her first glimpse of Zoey, her hand clutches mine in a death grip. I look down and her knuckles are almost white. Her breathing is shallow. Concerned, I try to catch her eye. She glances at me briefly then shakes her head and returns her focus on Ty, who is now helping Zoey into an oversized armchair.
Carter stands behind Ty and grips his shoulders. “Guys, I appreciate you all coming here today. Ty and I have a few things to say. I sincerely hope that it will be our first step to healing.”
Connor, who was at the window when they came in, crosses the room to sit next to Ronni. Fiona takes a seat next to Zane and Lianne. I wrap my arm around Alex’s shoulders, bracing for what comes next. I’m not sure why, but I’m nervous.
Zoey whispers in Ty’s ear before he nods at her and faces all of us. “I don’t know how much all of you know, but it’s no secret I’ve been in Arizona at a clinic that specializes in mental illness.” Ty’s voice warbles a bit before he clears his throat and embodies his rock-star persona. How he manages to shift into it so effortlessly, still boggles my mind. “Specifically, I was diagnosed with CPTSD a few years ago, and I kept it from everyone. Including Zoey. I thought it would be easier if you all thought I was an addict.”
I can’t help but look over at Connor. He’s as shocked as I am. Alex sucks in a breath beside me and rests her head on my shoulder.
Carter moves around to sit on the arm of Ty’s chair. “I’ve been with Ty at the treatment facility. It turns out that I also have CPTSD, which led to my addiction issues.”
Ronni blurts out, “What does CPTSD mean?”
Alex begins to tremble next to me. I try to focus on what Ty’s saying as he explains his diagnosis, but she’s clearly not doing well andmypriority is her. She whispers into my ear, “As soon as he’s done talking, can we please go?”
I nod slightly so as to not tip off the room. I want out just as badly.
Ty turns on his superstar power to address us, almost like he’s on stage. “I know all of you have some idea of how I grew up. My mom was an addict. But there was a lot I never told anyone. The truth is, from the time I was a young child my mother beat me. Tortured me mentally. Allowed others to abuse me. Because of my CPTSD, I’ve lived in a constant state of fear. My entire life I’ve felt like an outsider. I didn’t understand how I fit into the world. Or how to trust those closest to me. I’m proud to say I’m a survivor. But I am living with mental illness. And I always will.”
Holy fuck.
Holyever-lovingfuck.
Alex chokes back a sob but then bursts into tears. Fiona and Ronni are bawling too. Zane, Connor, and I try to keep eye contact, while comforting our women. Still, I feel like the walls are closing in. From the expression on my bandmates’ faces, none of us had a clue.
The entire energy of the room is charged. Sorrowful. Everyone is whispering to each other.
Zoey claps her hands. “Everyone, please. Let Ty finish. This is important for his healing process. It’s a big deal for him to be open and trusting with all of you.”
The look that Ty and Zoey exchange is monumental. It reminds me of my mom and dad. Like the two of them have fused into one functioning body. Clearly buoyed by her support and clueless about how shocked all the rest of us are, Ty continues, “My mom died, as you know, right before Zoey and I got married. It wasn’t long after I told her about my abuse. Then my diagnosis. By this time, she was pregnant so we started working with my therapist. I was doing really well. Then a lawyer contacted me about my grandparents’ estate.
Ty gulps air and blows it out in a whoosh. Wriggles his fingers and shakes them out. “A couple days before the...incident, I found out I’d inherited a shit ton of money. And, access to my paternity results. Never in a million, trillion years would I have thought Carter was my dad. When I opened the envelope and saw his name? I blacked out. All of my trauma caught up to me and I lashed out. For the record, I’m incredibly grateful that the man I’ve always considered to be my father isactuallymy bio dad.”
Carter beams. “For the record, I was shocked too. I’m not proud that I don’t remember sleeping with Tyson’s mother. But I’ve always thought of Ty as my son, so really the only thing that’s changed is the fact our blood matches.”
My head is like a ping-pong ball today, trying to keep up with all of these truth bombs. Zane stares at Ty and Carter. Fiona’s jaw is clenched. Lianne looks like she’d like to be anywhere but here. As shocking as this news was months ago, seeing Ty and Carter united together today makes it all too real.
Ty sucks in a breath and catches my eye before looking at Zane and then Connor. “I’ll shut up now, but before I do. I’m sorry. I said horrible things to all of you. Things I truly didn’t mean. I can’t expect any of you to understand. This information is probably, well… It’s a lot. I just need you all to know while I’m never going to be cured, I’ve done everything in my power to learn how to manage my CPTSD. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. If the band is truly broken up. I hope that isn’t the case, because I was so fucking excited to start things up again. No matter what happens, all of you are my family. I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. To learn more. To talk to me. I’m an open book. I’m not hiding anymore. And I’m not going to let what happened fucking define me anymore.”
Ronni, who is still sobbing, kneels next to Ty. Grasps his hands. “Iunderstand, Ty. I’m sorry you felt so alone for so long. You’re a good man, sweetheart. You deserve happiness. I’m here for you. Connor too.”