I’m startled awake by a rapid pinging. Lena’s rolled over and is sprawled out on the far side of the bed. More pinging. Discombobulated, I search for my phone and manage to locate it under my pillow, still attached to the charger. I scroll through various texts from the hospital. Alex’s condition is improving. Her mom’s with her now. Jen is upstairs with Becca. Jordan and my folks will be back in the afternoon. Zane and Fee are en route. Then a name I didn’t expect flashes on my screen.
Zoey: Jace, I’m with Ty in Arizona. I only have access to my phone when I’m not with him at the clinic, so I just heard. Is she okay? Please talk to me. I’m overwhelmed with panic. Are you okay? Is she okay? Tell me, what can I do?
Argh. I’ve got to answer. I hate doing it over text, but I have zero desire to talk to Zoey.
Jace: She’s had a rough time. The doctor’s think she’ll be fine, but she’s going to be in the hospital for a bit. I appreciate you reaching out.
Zoey: Jace. C’mon. It’s me. Can you talk?
I sigh and shake my head. There’s nothing I’d rathernotdo. I’m exhausted. Drained. Crushed. Yet, she’s the one person Alex wouldwantme to talk to.
Jace: I’m at Andrea’s house with Lena. I can’t b/c I’m going back to the hospital in an hour after I give her breakfast. I’ll try to find time to call you in the next few days.
Zoey: Ok. Take care of yourself. Give her a kiss from me. I love you all.
Jace: Will do.
“Da Da.” I look over at my little girl. She’s sitting up in her yellow pajamas adorned with various ducks. My heart melts.
I scoop her up. “Morning. Do you want some breakfast?”
“Where’s Mama?”
I stuff down the tears that threaten to spill so I don’t upset her. “She’s in Seattle. You, me, your aunties, and your nana are going to have an adventure.”
“But I want my mama.” Her little face quivers. Her eyes fill with tears.
I rock her to me and kiss her forehead. “Your mama loves you, baby. She’ll be back soon. Can you be a brave girl?”
Lena grabs my hair and shoves her thumb in her mouth. She nods.
“Okay, let’s get some breakfast and we’ll record a video for your mom. Won’t that be fun?” I get up and carry her downstairs. Jen and Becca are already waiting with a pan of eggs and some pancakes shaped like hearts. “Look what your aunties made.”
Becca sits with Lena at the table. Jen leads me into the living room. “How are you holding up? We’re happy to stay with Lena all day. Or do you want us to bring her home?”
“Take her back to the house. I want her to have some level of normality. Until Alex gets out, I’ll come home for dinner and to sleep. I can just take the earliest ferry out each morning.” I make up the new routine on the spot. Mainly, because it’s what Alex would want me to do.
Jen throws herself in my arms. “She’s going to be okay, little J. I can feel it.”
The devastation I felt yesterday has turned into a dull ache. My body feels like it’s about a thousand pounds. I take comfort in my sister’s arms. It gives me a jolt of strength to get through the day.
On my way to the hospital, I decide that, for now, I’m not calling Zoey back. It’s too emotionally draining for me, and everything I have to give must be for Alex now. So, she’s just going to have to wait. Zoey always does things on her terms, which is fine, but I’ve allowed band business and my bandmates’ problems to interfere and deprioritize my relationship with Poppy for too long.
Never again.
Getting Alex healthy and taking care of my daughter are the only things that matter.
Everything else will fall into place. Or, it won’t.
Either way, once Alex is back to herself again, we can deal with it then.
To say I feel like ass is an understatement.
I’m sure I look even worse. Not that I care. A near-death experience has a funny way of shaking things up.
I’m getting better though; my body feels it every day.
All I know is that I’m alive and I want to live every day to the fullest. Just as soon as I can get myself healed. I take the Tylenol the nurse left for me when I was napping and wonder where everyone is. I’m by myself. I don’t remember being alone since I woke up.