“We’re pros at that.” Ten minutes later, I’m finally able to speak again. He’s collapsed on top of me, so I stroke his hair.
I can feel him smile against my chest. “Fuck yeah, we are.”
“I know you’re scared about all of this, but I trust Dr. Madison. I’m going to be okay. I’m too young and healthy to just give up, you know?” I say softly.
He rolls off me and cuddles me to his chest. “You really want a baby?”
“I’d like to have the option. Or at least the chance, maybe.”
“Okay.” His gravelly voice is filled with conviction. “I’m on board.”
“Really?”
He gazes down at me. “I’d never hold you back from something you wanted.Never.”
I lean up for a kiss. This man is perfect. In each and every way.
I hope my body will be fixed up soon. It’s imperative. He deserves everything. Because the last thing I’ll ever do? Drag Jace down.
I’ll die before I’d let that happen.
It’s literally freezing outside. When we woke up this morning, it was still pitch black. About an inch of snow covered the entire property. Alex’s mom is staying in our guest room so she can stay with Lena until we get home.
I’m bundled up with multiple layers, a weatherproof jacket, gloves, and a thick wool skull cap. Alex is basically dressed as my twin. God knows why we’re standing outside on the upper deck of the ferry with freezing rain pelting us in the face as the traces of eerie, gray late-winter light become visible.
I’m not asking questions, though. I followed Alex out here. If she wants to be outside today, I’m going to be next to her.
The air’s so cold, my eyelashes are starting to freeze. I bury my face in her neck and pull her tighter against my chest. She turns in my arms and slams her lips against mine. Shoves her tongue in my mouth. I return her kiss tenfold.
We’re both scared shitless.
The past couple of days haven’t been the most fun. In preparation for her laparoscopy to explore and remove her endometriosis lesions, Alex choked down a gallon of foul liquid to clean out her system. None of it has been the most pleasant experience for any of us in the house. This morning, she scrubbed her entire body in the shower using special anti-bacterial soap. She hasn’t been able to eat for two days either, and a hangry Alex is no joke.
As Dr. Madison explained the procedure, she’ll make incisions in Alex’s belly and insert a camera to get a better look at the lesions. Apparently, it’s fairly non-invasive surgery and it will serve a double purpose because she’ll remove as much as she can. The samples will get analyzed. Hopefully, if all goes well, we’ll know the extent of what Alex is dealing with.
If all goes reallywell, her symptoms might be drastically reduced, and we can resume our life normally. Maybe even have a baby.
“It’s going to be fine. I know it.” Alex’s entire body is shivering. Her teeth chatter.
“Of course it will. Now, Poppy? We’re going inside. Nothing is smart about catching pneumonia before surgery.” I steer her toward the glass door to the cafeteria where I buy myself a large cup of coffee.
Aside from the early-bird commuters, we’re alone on this ferry so we grab a booth and stare out at the gray sky and choppy waves while I sip my coffee. Alex, of course, can’t eat or drink anything before surgery, but she insisted I needed to caffeinate.
She’ssoright.
“She wants to remove the cyst on my ovary. I might lose it.” Alex’s cheeks are bright pink, but at least she seems to be warming up.
“I know. You still have one perfectly healthy ovary.” I’ve read so much about the condition; I like to be prepared.
Alex looks down at her black Frye boots. “When I’m recovered, I think we should try for a baby right away. I’m almost thirty. My eggs are going to start drying up. I don’t want to wait and miss what might be a very narrow window.”
“Yes, you’re ancient. We definitely need to start the second you recover. Does that mean we get to have sex all the time?” I peer over the lip of my cup at her.
She sticks her tongue out at me. “I’m just being realistic.”
“Why don’t we take this in steps. Until we’re through today, all I can wrap my head around is keeping you safe. And healthy.”
“I just want to ask when we can start trying.” Alex gazes back out the window. “In case it makes a difference.”