My heart slammed into my ribcage, my feelings rising in a wave, and he didn’t notice, because he shocked me again.
“You won’t get pregnant,” he said. “I had a vasectomy in my twenties.”
“Axel, I—What? You what?” Had I heard that? I thought I might be hallucinating.
Amusement crossed his features, warring with the lust as he stroked his thumbs over the skin of my hips. “Surprised you, huh?”
“What?” I said again, because I was certifiably stupid in this moment. “Guys do that? In their twenties?”
His chest shook with a soft laugh that vibrated up through my arms. “Some of us do. You can ask questions later. But if you want to be cautious, I get it.” His fingertips brushed over my skin, tracing up my waist and gently touching my nipples as I shivered. “There are other things I’ve fantasized about.”
He shocked me yet again. He’d fantasized about me? He’d never mentioned that important detail before. When? How often? Starting recently or from the beginning? Before that kiss last Christmas or after? Before the tour? What exactly were we doing in these fantasies? Why hadn’t he said anything?
Because I hadn’t wanted him to—that was why.
I couldn’t remember the reason for that anymore. I couldn’t remember why I’d been so tied in knots. When I looked at Axel now, all I could think was that I wanted him so much, I might die if I didn’t have him.
I leaned down and kissed him, because I needed to more than I needed my next breath. The kiss got wild, and then he rolled us over so I was on my back. He got on his knees between my legs and broke the kiss as he pulled my underwear down over my hips. He got them all the way off and tossed them away, and then I realized what he was getting at.
“Axel,” I said.
He got comfortable between my spread knees and rested his chin on my belly, looking at me past the curves of my breasts like he couldn’t be more relaxed. “Yes?”
“I’m not very practiced at this.” I gestured, vaguely, at what he was about to do.
“Brit, someone has given you the wrong idea,” Axel said. “You don’t need practice. This is all me.”
I knew that. I just had to lie here. But the guys before Pierre had been bad at this, rushed like it was a chore they had to get through. And Pierre hadn’t done it after the first few tries, because I was self-conscious about my weight and he said my smell was a turnoff, and—
Axel knew what I was thinking, that I was too far into my head. He scraped the soft bristles of his beard along my lower belly, and then he slid down between my legs, kissing my inner thigh, nipping me with his teeth. Then he put his mouth on me.
My brain went blank.
If I’d thought I would tense up and ruin everything, I was wrong. My body went into another dimension, one run by Axel. He went slowly, without stopping, and it felt incredible, and—was that a finger? Two? I arched nearly off the bed, a cry coming from my throat.
“Better,” Axel said, lifting just long enough to breathe the word over my skin before lowering his mouth again. He didn’t change his pace, and then his tongue touched my clit—or maybe it was his finger, or maybe both. I was a puddle of lust and insanity. Whatever he was doing was evil magic. I never wanted him to stop.
The waves of sensation were too much, and I couldn’t take it for long. I came, hard, embarrassingly hard, as he continued to gently stroke me. Too late, I realized I should have put a pillow over my mouth to muffle the sound I was making, but who was I fooling? I wasn’t just having an orgasm, I was having an out-of-body experience.
Axel lifted up onto his arms, and the look in his eyes was dark and dazed. I put my hands on his shoulders and a second later he was on his back again, with me straddling his hips. I didn’t give either of us a chance to think. I couldn’t live another second without him. I sank all the way down onto him with one movement.
We both gasped. Axel lifted onto one elbow, his other hand gripping my hip, and he flexed his hips up. We fit together so perfectly, and it felt so good. I rocked on him, and he flexed his hips again, both of us panting. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his chest. I was greedy for him. I couldn’t get enough. I would never get enough.
His hand was harsh on my skin, and our foreheads touched as he closed his eyes. “Brit,” he gritted out. “Brit.”
Just that. Just my name. My chest felt like it might crack open. This was us together, and it was better than anything I’d thought possible. We moved in perfect sync, making the bed creak louder and louder. I was his in that moment, but also, he was mine. His gorgeous, powerful body, his cock, the essence of everything that made him so amazing. He was mine.
“I’m going to come,” he breathed. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes,” I whispered, and that answer made him close his eyes and tip his head back. His hips pressed up and he let out a harsh groan. I felt him, deep inside me. I had never felt closer to another person than I did in that moment.
We collapsed. Neither of us let go. I still had my knees wrapped around his hips, and Axel’s arms came around me. We lay there for a long time, completely speechless.
Eventually, he ran a warm palm down my bare back. “Are you all right?” he asked.
What was I supposed to say to that?That was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Nothing else has ever come close. I love you.
I was in love with him. I was good at self-deception, but I wasn’t stupid. Of course I knew.