Tessa: I don’t know. Maybe? I brought you a cake because you’re the most interesting person on this street. Everyone sort of love-hates you. I wanted to see you for myself.
Andrew: I’m not sure if I should be flattered. I’m deciding no.
Tessa: Do you really put up a sign telling kids to fuck off on Halloween?
Andrew: Since they like to ring my doorbell and run away like I’m Boo Radley, absolutely fucking yes.
Tessa: Are you kidding me??? They made it sound like you’re a monster. Their kids need a hard kick in the ass. This year, I’ll help you put the sign up myself.
Andrew: So it’s my mystique with the neighbors that made you bring me a Hi cake.
Tessa: There’s also the fact that you’re single and hot. I admit it.
Andrew: Jesus, you need your head examined. Are you one of those crazy needy people who become stalkers?
Tessa: No, I’m just a single girl who spent too many years in L.A. dating a lot of creeps. I like single, hot, interesting guys. So sue me.
Andrew: Why are you in Millwood?
Tessa: My grandmother died and left me a free house. It was better than what I was doing, so I took it.
Andrew: Not a bad deal, I suppose.
Tessa: No, except that I’m starting to think the air conditioning is broken. It’s too hot to sleep at night. I’m so fucking tired. You don’t know anything about fixing air conditioners, do you?
Andrew: I draw comics. I don’t fix things.
Tessa: You draw comics? How did I not know this?
Andrew: Because we literally don’t know each other?
Tessa: You ate my cake. We know each other well enough.
Andrew: I find you confusing. What do you want from me?
Tessa: Admit you liked my cake.
Andrew: No.
Tessa: Admit it.
Andrew: My wellness therapist is here. I have to go.
Tessa: Your what?
Andrew: It’s fucking weird, so don’t ask.
Tessa: Who is that woman getting out of her car in your driveway? Is she actually wearing a caftan?
Andrew: Welcome to my shitty life. Now go away.
* * *
Andrew
Donna the wellnesstherapist was about fifty, with drawn-on eyebrows and a large bushel of brown curly hair. She tended to wear caftans over flowered tights, and her bracelets jangled as she motioned with her hands. I told myself the reason I didn’t kick her out every time was because my mother had hired her, but the truth was she sort of amused me.
Today she sat facing me where I sat on the couch. I had my legs arranged neatly and carefully, because without any sensation it was easy to injure my legs and ankles without knowing it. But once arranged I lounged back, my plate with its piece of Hi cake in hand.