“You didn’t raise me at all.” The crew at the other end of the studio could probably hear me; they were glancing at me uneasily. I didn’t care. The words came out hot and unstoppable, like lava. “You left me to fend for myself while creeps leered at me as soon as I turned thirteen. You never came to a single school event or parent-teacher meeting. I was barely even supervised most of the time—I just ran around free. Anything could have happened to me. And when I was suicidal at seventeen, I went to the hospital and asked for help alone. You weren’t even in the country.”
“So that’s it,” Mom said. “You’re going to blame me for all of your problems.”
Something shot through my blood like fire, and I realized it was anger. Pure rage. When I’d left the hospital after three weeks of treatment, no longer a danger to myself, Mom had argued against me getting therapy or medication. She’d said they “weren’t natural,” and that I just needed to “work through” my problems. As if I’d imagined it all. As if none of those feelings were real.
So I’d left home. I’d headed for L.A. to try for an acting and modeling career. And I had gotten therapy, when I could afford it—which was rarely. I’d built my life, built myself, all alone, out of nothing. No wonder the person I’d built was a fucking mess.
“I’m taking Grandma’s money,” I told Mom. “I’m going to go to nursing school. I’m going to build a life for myself. I think that’s what she wanted.”
“Oh, Tessa.” Mom sounded exasperated. “For God’s sake, you can’t be a nurse.”
“Why not?”
“It just isn’t you.”
They were motioning for me to come back to the set, wind up the shoot. The break was over. “You mean I’m not smart enough,” I said. “You don’t think I can do it.”
“It isn’t fair,” Mom said. “You’re going to waste that money.”
I felt like she’d slapped me. Even after all of the years, with how well I knew my mother, it still hurt, how selfish she was. How blind she was to the pain she caused everyone. “Then I guess I’ll waste the money,” I said. “Bye, Mom.”
I hung up. I turned off my phone.
Then I dropped my robe and said, “Let’s go.”
TWENTY-FOUR
Andrew
I was lyingon my sofa, reading comics. Okay, to be honest, I was drifting off—getting laid for the first time in seven years last night had been pretty eventful, and Jon had practically tortured me in my physio session today, making me work the functioning muscles in my legs until they screamed. “Someday they’re going to have a way for you to walk again, man,” he’d said with perfect confidence. “Science is moving fast. Your legs have to be ready.”
So I was dozing, imagining I could actually feel some of the pain below my knees, when my phone rang. I knocked the comic off my chest and saw that it was Tessa. “What’s up?” I asked when I answered.
“Were you asleep?” she asked. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I looked at the time: six o’clock. She should be working her shift at Miller’s right now. “Is something wrong?”
“No. Maybe? Yes. I think? I’m coming over.”
“What?” I sat up and checked the security feed. Sure enough, Tessa was coming out of her front door across the street, holding the phone to her ear, instead of pouring drinks at Miller’s. “Why aren’t you at work?” I asked her, running a hand through my hair.
“It’s a long story.” I watched her lock her door and start across the street. She was wearing a long sundress that went all the way down to her ankles, but I could still see how her body moved under the loose fabric. She had a bag over her shoulder. “I kind of don’t work at Miller’s anymore.”
“Kind of?”
“Okay, I completely don’t work there anymore. I got fired. It’s been kind of a crazy day.”
“All right,” I said. “Come in.”
I buzzed her in and moved my feet to the floor so I wasn’t hogging the sofa. Tessa came in, bringing the smell of sweet summer air with her. She’d had a shower and scrubbed her makeup off, and her hair was damp. Her eyes were a little wild. She was frazzled.
She dropped down onto the sofa next to me and smiled. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I said. “You don’t look upset that you got fired.”
“I’m not, really.” She bit her lip. “Actually, my boss asked me out again, and when I said no, he fired me. I told him he was an asshole, and I left.”
I stared at her. “Your boss fired you because you wouldn’t date him?”