Kai scowled at the sarcasm.
“Your reasons are crap and you’re looking for a reason to run, to stop yourself from liking Mercy, from loving Flick, and from being happy.”
Sawyer’s words felt like a punch to his throat, but he couldn’t back down. He couldn’t admit that Sawyer might be onto something. That he was scared. Because he was. Scared of loving and of being loved, scared that he’d tumble into a life in this cute town with that spectacular woman. If he did, he would always be waiting for the sky to fall down, for the other shoe to drop. He didn’t think he could survive that. He didn’t think he could go on if he loved and lost Flick, in any shape or form. It would be one blow too many, a step too far.
It hurt now—God, it stung like a bullet to the heart, but he could still walk away and function. This one time, thisonlytime, he would run from this fight. He didn’t need to compete, didn’t need to try.
Because, in this battle called love, he’d always been destined to fail.
Kai stood up and straightened his spine. He looked his friend in the eye, his jaw tight and his eyes bleak. “Conversation over. Let it go.”
“Then get the hell out of town, because if Flick is upset then you’re going to have Jack to deal with.” Sawyer narrowed his eyes in response. “And me. And Axl.”
Kai scowled, stung at Sawyer’s lack of loyalty. “Because I had an affair with a woman who I never, not once, led on? Who always knew the score? I never lied to her. I never promised her a damn thing.”
“I can’t argue with that,” Sawyer agreed.
“So you all want to punch me because you think Flick might get hurt?“ Kai retorted. “Have you considered that she might be happy to get rid of me?”
“Try not to be any more of an asshole than you’re currently being. Flick adores you, any moron can see that, and we know that she’s going to be hurt. And that’s not why we want to punch you.”
Sawyer lifted his eyebrow, a silent command to tell Sawyer to get the hell on with it. “We want to punch you because you’re a dick.”
Fair enough, Kai thought as Sawyer walked away.
Your heart isn’t actually breaking, Flick thought, waking up to an overcast day and a chilly fog in her heart.Yes, you miss him and you will for a while, but in a couple of days, weeks, months, you’ll forget about him, forget about his hard body and his crooked smile, his gentle sarcasm and the glint in his eye. You’ll forget the taste of his skin, his smell, how complete you felt when he slid into you.
Her world, the one she’d thought she had such a handle on, had caved in. Without Kai, Mercy, this town, and the Artsy Tartsy made no sense at all. It was like he’d removed the heart of her world, the puzzle piece that made the picture clearer, the one that gave meaning to the image.
Flick rolled over and placed her wrist over her eyes, hating her tears. She’d told herself wasn’t going to cry over a man again, that she wasn’t going to do this but here she was. She’d wasted her tears so many times before, but Kai, more than any other man, was worth crying over.
Oh, he wasn’t perfect—she’d have hated it if he was. He was surly and annoying and reticent, but he was also loyal, kind, and funny. He was a real man, with a murky history, someone who was trying to be better, to shake off the shackles of his past. He’d succeeded in every way he could, except where it mattered most.
He couldn’t love, he couldn’t trust, and he couldn’t believe in happiness. He couldn’t give her everything that she craved: security, commitment, and love.
Flick knew that she couldn’t demand his love, that love and trust that weren’t freely given weren’t worth anything at all. She couldn’t force him to believe in her, to believe in them, to take that risk. She wished she could, but his hang-ups and emotions were out of her control. Below the heartbreak and the constant throbbing pain, she was angry at him, so mad at him for tossing away something that could be so damn wonderful.
She loved him. But, God, she wished she didn’t.
Flick used her sheet to wipe away her tears and rolled out of bed. It was nearly four and if she didn’t get to the bakery, the good folk of Mercy would not get their breakfast muffins and she’d have a riot on her hands. Flick walked into the bakery via the back door and was surprised to see Pippa sitting on the stainless steel table, hands tucked under her thighs and her eyes wary. Oh, yeah,exactlywhat she needed, an early morning fight with her ex-best friend.
Flick hung her bag and jacket on a hook and reached for an apron. It would be better to head this argument off at the pass, to beg Pippa to postpone whatever she had to say. She couldn’t handle it this morning. She was emotionally exhausted.
“Pippa, not today, please,” Flick asked quietly as she wrapped the apron around her waist and tied the strings. “I can’t argue with you today.”
Pippa nodded, her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m not here to fight with you, Fee.”
Flick raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You’re not? Why else would you get up at the crack of dawn?”
“Sawyer called me late last night. He told me that Kai has left and, probably, for good.”Pippa’s eyes radiated sympathy. “No matter how mad I am at you, you’re still my best friend, and Kai leaving has got to hurt.”
God, the empathy in her voice pulled tears to Flick’s eyes. Not wanting Pippa to see them fall, she turned away to reach for her biggest mixing bowl. Bran muffins this morning, she decided. She could make them with her eyes closed. “I appreciate the gesture and the sentiment but, in all honesty, I shouldn’t be crying. He made me no promises. I knew going in that he had no intention of sticking around.”
“That doesn’t mean it hurts any less.” Pippa jumped off the table and walked into the pantry, bringing back a sack of flour. “Do you love him?”
Despite the barriers between them and the misunderstandings, Flick couldn’t lie to Pippa. “Yes.” She saw doubt cross Pippa’s face and held up her hand. “It’s not like before. This is real and ugly and tangible and...God, Pips, it hurtssomuch.”
Pippa pulled the mixing bowl from her hands, slapped it onto the table, and wrapped her arms around Flick, her temple resting in her hair. Flick dropped her forehead onto Pippa’s shoulder and let the tears fall. “I have no right to cry, and you can’t tell Jack. He’ll take it out on Kai.”