Rowan’s hand stopped and Ieduin let out a whimper of protest. “You understand that means you don’t get to fuck her either, right?”
He meant Rixxis.
Well, that’d be easy since they were just bed partners. Just the same, he said, “Yes, sir. I understand.”
“You can think about her, though. Gods know, I do. I was thinking about her when you were sucking my cock, imagining being inside of you while you were inside of her, every part of you encompassed by one of us. Imagine it, Ieduin. You could belong to us both. No more fucking your hand in the dark. Imagine there’s always a warm, wet mouth for you, or her tight, wet cunt, waiting to be filled. She’s full of me and you, and you’re full of me too, both dripping with my cum while you fuck each other. Is that what you want, boy?”
“Fuck yes!” Sweat dampened his forehead, coated his back. He couldn’t tell the difference anymore between that and the rain on Rowan.
Rowan pumped him faster, harder. “Then show me how much you want it. Cum like a good boy for me.”
It was as if he were waiting for the order, sitting on the edge until it came. With a shuddering breath and a grunt, he erupted, spilling onto Rowan’s fist, onto the sheets, onto himself.
He trembled when it was over, too dizzy to move. As satisfying as it was, he suddenly felt like crying. His throat was tight, his chest hollow as if that orgasm had somehow robbed him of something essential.
And then Rowan was there, gently cleaning him with a towel from somewhere. “Shh, it’s all right.” He kissed Ieduin’s jaw. “You did such a good job. I’m so proud of you.”
It was stupid, utterly senseless, how much those words meant to hear. He had done nothing, and yet to hear that praise… The empty ache slowly subsided.
Rowan kissed his naked shoulder, pulled a blanket up over them and wrapped his arms around Ieduin, squeezing him tight. He was silent for a long time before he eventually said, “I’m sorry about your mage commander. When I saw your face, I couldn’t…” He made a small sound and nestled harder against Ieduin. “No one is ever going to hurt you again. No one except for me, and that includes you. I won’t allow it. I can’t. You’re mine to protect and look after now. Do you understand?”
Ieduin didn’t know why, but the words choked him and brought him closer to tears than ever before. He swallowed and nodded. “Yes, sir.”
Rowan relaxed, tight muscles unspooling. He let his head fall against Ieduin’s back again. “Good boy.”
Ieduin closed his eyes. A single silent tear traveled down his cheek. The scars on the insides of his arms and his thighs ached in faded little lines while the storm raged outside. For the first time in a long time, though, he had hope that one day the more secret scars that no one could see might one day mend, too.
Eleven
Rixxiscouldnotsleep.
At first, she thought it was because the room was too cold, so she got up to stoke the fire. She was used to Ieduin being in bed with her, and he generated a lot of heat. She must’ve misjudged the temperature because it was quickly too hot. That heat lingered, even after she stirred up the coals to get the fire to die down.
She went to open a window, but the storm was too intense and kept making the shutters bang. Rain came in, threatening to flood the room, so she quickly closed it back up.
With the window closed, the air was stifling. Almost as stifling as the air had been in the dungeon standing next to Rowan.
Not again. Don’t think of that again.
She sighed and kicked off the blankets before turning over to stare at the lightning flickering outside. Ieduin had never come in so late. Maybe he wasn’t coming at all.
At least Tofi would be all right. He’d been groggy and irritated, but the magic backlash could have been much worse.
She heaved another heavy sigh and rolled onto her back. Where was Ieduin? What if he had gone down into that dungeon with Rowan? What might they be doing down there? Which tools would they use? There were so many, and she didn’t even know what they were for.
What if Rowan washurtinghim? What he’d done to her hadn’t hurt, but Ieduin had a habit of being self-destructive. He might even like pain.
That was something she couldn’t wrap her mind around. How could anyone want to be hurt? Rowan had said it was about power, not pain, but she wasn’t so naïve that she didn’t know some people claimed to enjoy being hit.
There were a lot of things she could accept. The world was very different outside of Qet. It had been such a shock to come into the Free Cities and see women living openly with other women, and men married to men, as Kat and Isaac were. She could even accept the idea that a person could love more than one other person, even if she wasn’t entirely sure how that would work. Was it so far of a stretch to assume that some people thought pain was pleasurable?
She wanted to know more about it, but the thought of learning more was as terrifying as it was enticing.
What scared her most of all, however, was that she had liked what Rowan did to her in that dungeon. If he could make a simple paintbrush feel so good, so decadent, what could he do with the rest of the things lying around that dungeon? She couldn’t even imagine it.
But she could imagine the bristles of that paintbrush moving over other parts of her. She could imagine the taste of Rowan on her lips, the brush of his fingers over her body, the purr in his voice as he murmured, “Good girl,” in her ear.
Rixxis already knew the strength of Ieduin’s embrace, the feel of his soft breath on the back of her neck, the way he would sometimes get hard in his sleep and move against her.