Sure, my sister has been great when she could be, but she wasn’t there through the long nights when a deep loneliness set in the pit of my stomach, a yearning to share the ups and downs with someone, a yearning to be taken care off.
I’ve imagined Kieren’s hands on me too many times, but mostly I’ve been too exhausted to even give myself a release.
Now as he kisses me, I press my throbbing core into his palm, eighteen months of need and loneliness coming out in this one moment.
I’m panting hard and moaning with every stroke of his skilled fingers. I don’t care about the noises I’m making. Kieren has unleashed something inside of me that’s been pent up for too long.
Everything else flees from my mind. There is no baby to look after, no overdue bills to worry about, no cleaning jobs to do. For this moment only, there is just this incredible feeling emanating from my center that’s taking over my whole body.
I grind onto Kieren’s hand while his other hand gropes my breasts, tweaking my nipples and making me moan like a wild animal in heat.
“Kieren…”
I cry out his name as I explode, shards of sharp pleasure shooting through my body, my mind taken over by the sweet oblivion of pleasure.
The orgasm consumes me for a long, beautiful moment. The world is sweet, and there’s nothing but my own body. I’m floating above myself as the release works its way through my veins. Slowly, the sounds of the outside world seep into my consciousness. I feel the cool leather seat under my bare bottom and hear the sound of rain tapping the windows.
When I open my eyes, Kieren is staring at me, looking as satisfied as I feel.
“I love you, Jodie.”
That sobers me up pretty quickly. I sit up and adjust my uniform, pulling up my pants and doing up the buttons on my blouse that I don’t remember undoing.
I can’t process what he’s saying. I can’t look at him. Maybe he thinks he loves me, but we had one weekend together a year and a half ago. My life has changed since then.
“I’m not the same girl you met eighteen months ago.”
He stops my hand and gently takes it in his. They’re sticky from my juice coating his fingers, which makes it feel intimate. It’s too special and close.
“Then let me get to know who you are now because I can guarantee that I’ll love that Jodie too.”
He has no idea what he’s saying. If he knew about Layla, he wouldn’t be so keen. No one wants to be an instant father, especially not a man who likes to frequent bars on weeknights.
“I don’t think so.”
I pull my hands away and finish doing up the buttons.
I feel like a proper bitch, but I’ve worked too hard to make things stable for Layla. I can’t have Kieren messing with my emotions. I have to put her first, which means doing something really nasty to get him off my back.
“But we have a connection. I know you feel it.”
“What I felt is a really good orgasm.” I put on a big smile that I don’t feel. “Thank you for that. You’re as good as I remember.”
Kieren stares at me, his head tilted like I’m some kind of curious object he’s analyzing. There’s hurt in his eyes, and I hate myself for that.
“Is that all I am to you? Someone to make you come?”
Oh god, no. He’s so much more than that. The father of my child. The man I’ve thought about every day and every lonely night since I met him. The man who I cried over endlessly when I tried to find him and found out he was gone. The man I swore to forget about and even did a cleansing ceremony to get him out of my head and heart. The man who, if I let him in even a little bit, will make me vulnerable and open to hurt. I can’t go through Kieren breaking my heart a second time. Because I have a daughter to look after now, and she needs me to be whole and sane and not crying into my pillow.
“Yeah. That about sums it up.”
Kieren’s face falls, and I look away before tears spring to my eyes. I’m going to hell for doing this to him, but it’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?
At that moment, the walkie-talkie crackles, and we’re told the client is ready to leave the building.
Without a glance back at Kieren, I get out of the car and slam the door behind me.
9