Nolan
The last place I want to be is at the facility, but I show up as I have every damn day for the past two and half years with the exception of yesterday.
Hudson’s the only one here because of the early hour. “You still look pretty rough.”
“I still feel like shit.” Only it has little to do with the hangover that knocked me on my ass.
“How’d things go with Hadley?”
“About as well as you could expect after I drank enough to kill a smaller person and proceeded to be an absent asshole.”
“I like Lenny. He’s a hell of a tight end, and a good guy, but he has absolutely no sense or understanding when it comes to moderation. Why in the hell did you go out with him?”
“Because he didn’t care.”
Hudson stares at me, brow lowered with confusion.
“Lenny doesn’t give a shit. He’s competitive and works hard, but he knows he won’t play after college. This loss hurt, but it was a bruise to him. He didn’t care that Peters threw our future out the window and watched it get hit by a fucking train. And I needed to just numb that feeling and let it be a bruise for a while because I’d begun hoping I could actually do this, that I might be able to play beyond college and make this into something bigger than something I did to get into college.”
“Of course, you can fucking do this,” Hudson snaps. “You’ve been doing it. Why in the hell do you think I ask for your opinion on everything? Drag you into these meetings with Krueger? You have all the fucking potential; you just resist it.”
“I guess Peters took care of that for me.”
“Fuck that. If Hadley tells you she can’t forgive you, are you going to accept that?” Hudson shakes his head. “Hell no. Just like you told me to get my ass to fucking New Mexico when Evelyn left. We don’t give up and we sure as hell don’t quit.”
Maybe another day, his words would excite me, but today, I’m too damn exhausted. “It won’t change anything.”
“You’re just going to accept this?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“You’re going to quit on Grey, Corey, Palmer, and me? I had no idea you were that guy.”
“What choice do I have?”
“You don’t take this shit lying down. You get up. You hit back.”
“How are we going to hit Peters? This whole university is wrapped around his fingers. No one’s blaming him for our loss. Sure, they might be questioning his decision, but they still trust him.”
“Who else besides us won’t be happy about the loss?”
I shake my head, fearing the hope he’s breathing into my thoughts as I allow the conversation to continue. “Who?”
“The boosters. Duken gives this school millions every year and we have our bi-weekly lunch today.”
“You go to lunch with him every other week?”
He nods. “And I want you to come with me. Palmer, too. If we can get his ear, I’m hoping he can lean on the athletic director, force him to let Krueger do his goddamn job, and get Peters doing what a head coach is supposed to.”
I stare at Hudson, imagining this working out. He’s right. Duken is influential and has connections, but with Peters’s record, I’m not sure anyone will be able to get an inch of change, much less the several yards this will require. “I guess we have to at least try.”
Hudson nods, slapping a hand on my shoulder. “Fuck Peters.”
Fuck Peters and fuck me because as I stand here, I realize I did exactly what Peters intended. He got past my defenses and into my head making me feel like I was less deserving and capable than I am, and with those fears exposed, they triggered additional fears—so many I took the easy route that led me to make an entire night of mistakes in an attempt to numb those fears. And it’s not him paying the price, it’s me, my future, and my relationship with Hadley.
“Tell me when and where, and I’ll be there,” I tell him.
Hudson nods.