Dad snorted. “Only because you all won’t let me do the heavy work anymore. Bit of exercise’ll do me good.”
“I mean it.” I shoved my gear bag into his hands. “I’ll do stalls.”
He didn’t argue. Just took my stuff, loaded it in the side-by-side, and drove off.
I didn’t mind cleaning stalls. I didn’t do it that much anymore because we had enough hired help to handle most of the mundane chores, except around the holidays. Dad liked to give everyone a day off for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day—everyone, that is, except for us.
But I enjoyed a little time in the barn. Quiet, meditative time, alone with my thoughts and the animals. It was times like this when I could let my thoughts meander and wind their way to clarity—when I could make sense of things.
And life didn’t make sense today.
I guess that’s natural when you’ve just watched your greatest hope disappear in a puff of smoke. What do you do next? I hefted one forkful after another into the wheelbarrow, waiting for that flicker of inspiration, but nothing came to me. All I could think and feel was that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. That I’d sabotaged my future, and that Jess was meant to be with me.
I felt sick and weary when I finally got back to the house. I found Luke where I thought I’d find him—shopping for horses on his phone, his stockinged feet propped up on one of Mom’s old cushions. He looked up when I came in. “Hey, little brother. What do you think of this one?”
He showed me his phone, and I gave him a half-hearted thumbs-up. “Nice.”
“I thought he was a lot more than ‘nice.’ He’s already got ten thousand in earnings, for Pete’s sake! What’s up with you?”
“Nothing.” I grabbed theStockman’s Magazineand automatically flipped through the pages. I’d lost track of how many times I’d looked for my poem; it was like muscle memory now. I always picked it up when I was frustrated because it was the only proof I had that I’d done something right lately. My eyes found the familiar lines, and I took a deep breath.
That was when Luke swiped it out of my hands.
“Hey!” I cried. “What’s the idea?”
He rolled it up and tossed it aside. “Tryin’ to figure what’s been eatin’ you this month. Evan thinks it’s stomach trouble, blames my cooking. Can you believe that?”
“Unbelievable,” I deadpanned, bending over to scoop up the magazine again.
“That’s what I told him! I say it’s a woman what’s buggin’ you. So, who’s right?”
What was the use? He was going to find out anyway. I rubbed my forehead and blew out a sigh. “You are.”
“Iknewit!” he crowed. “What’s her name?”
I stared at him.
“Come on, I won’t tell. Hey, promise. Swear on my new horse!”
“What new horse? You made me buy her.”
Luke clenched his fists in front of him and looked like he was in genuine agony. “You’re killing me! I tell you who I’m dating, don’t I?”
“But I’m not actually dating her.” I almost smiled as I watched him writhe and contort into the best begging face I’d ever seen on him. Rarely did I get a chance to give Luke a hard time—usually, it went the other way.
“What, do you think I’m going to blab to everyone? I wouldn’t do that!”
I raised my eyebrow. “Just like you wouldn’t spill the beans about that crush I had on Mandy Perkins in third grade?”
He put his hands up. “Okay, but this time I really,reallywon’t. Come on, you have the memory of an elephant. With Cody moved out and Marshall losing his mind, and Dad… wherever Dad goes lately, you’re the last good person around here to talk to. If you go bats, too, I’ll have no choice but to get married or something.”
I rubbed my face and gave a low, reluctant chuckle. “Like any woman would have you.”
“I don’t know. I thought Jess Thompkins was kind of fun to hang w… wait a minute.” He slid forward on his chair and pointed a trembling finger. “That’sit!You’ve got a thing for Jess! I might’a known!”
I couldn’t even deny it. I could feel my face betraying me; with the flush of heat and cold, it must have changed colors a dozen times. “What gave it away?”
“You, hangin’ around the restaurant like a lost puppy when I took her out, that’s what.”