“They do,” I admit. “But kids grow up and move on to other things, and Dogwood Cove isn’t exactly a huge town. There’s only so many places I can find new students. Your yoga classes help a lot, and I know I need to suck it up and offer an adult intro to dance class, but I just don’t know if it’ll be enough. Making my mortgage payments is getting harder as I lose students.”
“Could you advertise outside of Dogwood Cove? Maybe Westport?”
“I could, but how many people will want to drive that far just for dance class?”
“It’s not just a dance class,” Summer chides. “It’s a class withyou. A former principal ballerina. And a wonderful teacher.
“Think I can put that on a flyer?” I quip.
“Yes. You can. And you should,” she says firmly. “Seriously, don’t dismiss your own appeal. A classy ad with a photo of you from when you used to perform? It’ll pull people in! Throw in some reviews from current students and you’re set.”
“You’re sweet, and I will think about it.”
“Good. Now, any updates on the Leo situation?” Her eyebrows lift as she smiles, and I roll my eyes in response. But truthfully, I’m happy for the subject change.
“Maybe.” I take a sip of tea, making her wait.
“Well? What!”
“He asked me out. Oh, and we’ve kissed a couple of times.”
Summer’s mouth drops open and she blinks rapidly. “And you haven’ttoldus that? Good Lord, woman, you’ve been holding out on your best friends!” She smacks me lightly on the arm. It’s meant to be joking, I’m sure, but I shift in my seat, slightly uncomfortable with her response. She’s not wrong, I have been keeping it from my friends. Which isn’t like me at all.
“Sorry? I don’t know exactly why I didn’t say anything, maybe because it’s freaking me out a bit.”
Summer’s expression softens into one of understanding. “Ah. Anything in particular, or just the whole ‘reunited with my ex-boyfriend’ idea?”
“Look, I know you guys are all happy in love. And I’m thrilled for you. But how do you know it’s going to last?” I stand up and start pacing, suddenly feeling twitchy and confined somehow. “From what I’ve seen, even the best of relationships can blow up at any moment. How is anyone supposed to trust that what they have won’t disappear?”
“Serena, where’s this coming from?”
I stop my pacing and study my friend for a moment. Out of everyone, she’s the one person who might understand me. After all, she grew up thinking her father had abandoned her. Of course, that turned out untrue, it was her horrible mother keeping them apart, and she didn’t learn that until her father died and left her a beachfront resort as an inheritance. But still, she might understand what it’s like to feel abandoned by a parent, to feel like the relationship that should have been the one thing you can count on disintegrated in front of you.
“You know my parents are divorced, right?”
She nods.
“There’s more to the story. See, they had what I, as a naive teenager, always figured was the perfect marriage. They held hands, talked kindly to each other, both of them came to my dance recitals, I never saw any tension or arguments. When they told me they were splitting up, it was a shock, to say the least. And neither of them would tell me what went wrong. So, naturally, I assumed it was my fault. And I assumed that all relationships were doomed to end eventually. That’s why I broke up with Leo back then. We were already headed in two different directions, and even though we had talked about long-distance, I suddenly couldn’t see how that would work. I thought I was doing the right thing ending it early, before we stopped loving each other.”
I take a deep breath, watching Summer to make sure she’s still with me. Her face is filled with compassion, so I continue.
“It gets worse. My father disappeared. I got the odd Christmas card from him the first couple of years, an email on my birthday, but nothing else. Then even that stopped. And again, Mom wouldn’t tell me why. I went to ballet school without my boyfriend, without my father, and suspecting that my mother was lying to me and had been for years. I was a mess. I didn’t know what to think or feel, so I defaulted to believing the only person I could trust was myself. And even that was precarious. Nothing good has ever lasted in my life. Not my parent’s supposedly happy marriage, not my relationship with Leo, not my dance career, and now, not my studio.”
I sink back down on the couch, exhausted from finally unloading all of my baggage.
“The concept of letting Leo in again, no matter how desperately I want to, is terrifying. For years I’ve believed that love won’t happen for me. I’ll be alone, but I’ll be just fine because I’m the only person I can trust with my heart and my happiness. Now he’s trying to convince me that I’ve been wrong all along. And it’s so tempting to give in and give love another chance, but it’s also… ”
“Scary as fuck?” Summer says softly.
I nod, blinking back tears.
“Oh girl, I get it. I really, really do. When I first came back to Dogwood Cove, it was really hard to let Ethan in. Despite him being all swoony lumberjack on me. But my mom’s toxic nature, coupled with my belief that my dad never bothered trying to get in touch with me, messed me up. It was nearly impossible to believe this gorgeous, kind hearted, romantic man wanted me. Especially when the last time I’d seen him, he was an annoying little boy I played tag with.” Summer smiles fondly, and I know she’s thinking of Ethan.
“How did you get over it? What makes you believe that it’s real?”
She lifts her hands in anI don’t knowkind of gesture. “There is no magic answer. I guess I just hit a point wherenothaving Ethan in my life was no longer an option for my heart. Ineededto be with him, Ineededto love him, and Ineededto let him love me. Sure, anything could happen in the future, but I also realized that other relationships, like my parents, don’t need to have any bearing on my own. I’m not them, just like you and Leo are not your parents. Your love is not their love. Just because they didn’t work out doesn’t mean you won’t.”
“But that just feels so insubstantial. Am I wrong to want some sort of guarantee?”