No need for that, little one. The car is already at the gate for you, he told me, and I looked up. Sure enough, there was a car waiting.
I walked on over with my arms tight around myself, in a distant state between dreaming and waking, midway between pleasure and pain.
Love and loss, grief, and anger, and hate. And forgiveness, and joy and hope.
Too many feelings to balance all at once, so I didn’t even attempt it.
I got into the car with ahelloto the driver, and then I sank into the back seat, preparing for the ride. We were on the way when I got the urge to change direction.
I leant forward between the seats.
“Not back to the manor yet, please. I need to go home… to my mum’s house.”
Chapter Thirty-one
I’llbebacksoon,my thoughts whispered to Hans. I just have business to take care of first.
His reply came straight into my head.
I’ll be right here waiting. Just be careful to mind your grandma. She’s not going to be a happy witch. And if you need me to help you–
I shook my head in my mind.Thanks, but no.This was something I needed to do for myself.
It felt like I’d been gone years not months when the car arrived at Orcop. We crossed Garren brook and before I knew it I was in Lyston Lane, pulling up outside Mum’s place as the sun rose over the hill.
"Could you wait for me here, please?” I asked the driver.
“Of course, ma’am. I’ll wait as long as you need.”
The little red brick house seemed different. I could see the cloud of desperation forholyswirling inside like a heavy dark mist as I walked up the garden path.
I could feel it, too – a weight on the shoulders.
Mum’s car was in the driveway, and I saw the curtains twitch upstairs. I knew it was Grandma peering out with suspicious eyes. I knew they were both in there. I felt it.
It seemed Mum didn’t know it was me appearing on the doorstep, though. She jumped back in shock when she opened the door to find me there on the porch. Her eyes widened.
“Katherine! What are you doing back home?”
She looked smaller than I remembered, in her thick white dressing gown with her hair tied up on her head. I hadn’t realised before just how much white my mother wore.Trying to dress like an angel to please my grandmother.
Grandma appeared behind her, wrapping her old grey dressing gown around herself as she came down the stairs, and Hans was right. She was a lot more attuned to her skills than Mum was. I could see it in her eyes as she glared at me.
“Ah,” she said, stepping up behind Mum with her hands on her hips. “London life has been suiting you. Cavorting with sinners in the city.”
I didn’t rise to the bait, just kept my eyes on Mum.
“Can I come in?”
Mum stepped aside. “Of course you can. Have you had breakfast yet? Do you want some jam on toast? I have your favourite strawberry.”
I brushed past Grandma on my way, but for once in my life I was immune to her judgmental sneers. My self-doubt had shrivelled away.
“I’m not hungry, thanks,” I told Mum as I joined her in the kitchen.
I looked around the place as she put the kettle on, remembering all the times I’d been getting my biscuits from the cupboards late at night and pouring milk on my cereals before school.
“Why are you back?” Mum asked as she got the mugs out. “Is your bar job doing ok? It’s great to see you.”