He shrugged. “What does it matter? It’s the ridiculous romantic ramblings of a dead man. We have something to do here.”
“Fine.” I continued to pass him books. Eventually, once I was pretty sure I’d found all of them, I met him in the hall. He carried them to the bedroom where I’d slept and, still in silence, we looked through the books.
I wasn’t much help. The language was old, hard to push through, and it took some time until my brain adjusted to the cadence—a little bit like when I’d decided to read the original Chaucer. Still, eventually I got there. Caesar left and returned with more food. This time, he’d made a sandwich.
“Chew and swallow slowly while we read,” he ordered.
He smelled good, like soap and cinnamon. Vampires showered the same way we did, but I’d never noticed one smelling so lovely before. I cleared my throat.This kind of thinking isn’t going to help. Maybe we’d find more answers in these books than the ones he sought. Maybe I could figure out how to cure myself from this mess, and find a way out for both of us.
With my stomach full, it became harder to read. Tiredness threatened to pull me under. I hadn’t done anything but eat and puke all day, so why did I have to be so constantly weak?
Caesar pulled the book out of my hand. “I continue to have the same problem. I can only think about you. Put your head down and rest. You aren’t even seeing the page.”
“How did you know?” He was right, but how did he know?
“We’re attuned to you humans. We tend to know things about you even before you realize them, not that we advertise it. For example, I could probably tell if you were ovulating. That’s a trick I seem to have. You’re not. Every vampire has different talents. It helps us to feed.”
Gross.Just when I thought I couldn’t find anything else that could disgust me, I learned something new. “I don’t ovulate anymore. I haven’t had a period since this all started.”
If the news surprised him, he kept it to himself. “Lie down. I’ll wake you to feed you before dawn again. If you could keep going through the books during the day tomorrow, I’d appreciate it.” He lifted his gaze. “Since you are going to make no effort whatsoever to do anything else but rest, eat little amounts, and start to get better.”
“And if I do something else? What happens?” I wanted clear repercussions so I knew what was at risk.
“You’ll just have to see. It would be better if you stayed home.”
Home?Whatever this was, it would never be a home again. For a week and a half, ithadbeen a home when I’d lived here with the not-dead version of Caesar and the others. “I don’t like being threatened.”
“I don’t like being disobeyed.”
I really don’t have the energy for this.Scooting away from him, I made my way back to my pillow. “We used to sleep together all the time.”
He turned off the light, bathing the room in darkness.Can he read in the dark?Caesar pulled the covers back over me. “I know. I remember it well. It was the last thing I thought about before I died. I tried to picture lying in the bed with you, to pretend I was there.”
“I stayed outside the coffins the whole time. I didn’t leave until you were dead.” I wanted him to know that. If there was any part of the Caesar I knew still in there, I wanted him to know I never left him alone in the dark.
Three
“Where did you go?”
Caesar called to me, so I turned around. The dress I wore blew in the wind, and it was going to be embarrassing if I flashed anyone, but I loved it. Wearing the long, blue dress made me feel beautiful.
So few things did that in this time of war.
I put my arms around Caesar when he approached. He didn’t like when I was out of his sight, and he hated it when none of them knew where I was. It created a constant battle because I needed a lot of alone time to think. I always had, even before everything went to hell.
How could vampires be so split on this issue with me that we couldn’t come to terms at all? I had to fix things. It was in my nature to make things right, even if I had to spill blood to do it. I wasn’t going to let the schism turn into outright war.
"Well, I went here.”
He made a grumbling sound in his chest. His monster rode him hard, his hunger moving inside of me. Caesar needed to feed again. Probably his worry pushed the frenzy a little bit forward. I knew the feeling well.
“You weren’t here a few minutes ago. This was the third time I checked here.”
He had the need to find me. Always had, always would. “I had to think, and we know I can’t do that with you guys around sometimes. When you’re around, I just want to make everything right. I want to snuggle into the way you all love me and never come up again."
Caesar smoothed my hair away from my face. “What’s wrong with that? You don’t have to fix everything on your own. You aren’t responsible for the entirety of vampire society."
“Fredrick and the other young ones? They’re going to get us all killed. We’ve lived surrounded by humans since the beginning of time. What they’re proposing? It’s only a matter of time until they get us caught and hunted.”