Not that I cared if it was unheard of in the moment, with the sensations vibrating through my body. The velvety hunger of passion sliced deeper after the grinding agony of the pain of addiction. I ground against him, needing him, practically ready to beg him for relief.
He squeezed my hand, stopping me when I would have reached for his cock. When he held me in place, I whined. Maybe he would understand?
The world started to float around me.Peace. Nothingness. Yes, I knew this feeling—craved it, needed it—only it had never felt exactly like this before. Usually, it was a sick emptiness I just didn’t care about. This sensation was different, more somehow.What is it?Just a sense of rightness. Of finally getting what I needed.
I drifted away.
* * *
Sometime later Caesar’s voice pulled me back to him. “Maci, wake up. Look at me.”
I lifted my lids. He was still hard, and I still wanted more. “Why?” Maybe he’d know what I meant. I was only half-sure that I did.
“I don’t know. Does that not happen when others feed from you?” He pushed my hair off my face. “I didn’t take that much from you. More than I intended but not enough to knock you out. You’re anemic. Weak.”
His words sounded like an accusation, but I ignored that part. If he could divert, so could I. “Never. Is it because you drank from my neck? Is that why it’s reserved for paramours?”
“It’s not really. We frequently tear the throats out of people when we feed. And, no, that doesn’t happen. What happened to me… it shouldn’t have. I’m not complaining, I’m just unsure what happened here.”
Well, if he thought he was confused, then he should try it from my end. “I hate you a little bit.” Tears flooded my eyes. “I hate that you all didn’t just get up and leave the first day I spoke to you. I hate that you all made me care about you. I hate you. I wanted you to know that.”
He stared at me with as much emotion as if I’d just told him it was cold outside or it might rain. “Hate me if you want. It’s a wasted emotion because I don’t care one way or another about such things. Hate? Love? There is nothing, but don’t hate the human I was. He died loving you.”
A sob racked my body. After so many months, I’d forgotten that version of Caesar. I tried so hard not to let myself think about what any of them were like before they changed. Necessity forced me to bury them in my heart and mind, to destroy what they meant to me.How else was I supposed to survive?
His few words had undone all of that. I cried, pulling out of his embrace so I could weep into the pillow beneath me.I shouldn’t be feeling this. I should be wrapped in nothingness. I’m not supposed to be able to feel this right now.
He placed a hand on my back. “You’re weak beyond belief. Anemic. You need to be fed, and you need to rest.”
I laughed. “I’m going to have to have someone bite me again in a matter of hours. At least once more tonight so I don’t have a seizure and stop breathing."
“Hours? Fine. If that’s what has to happen, then I’ll do it again. In the meantime, I’ll get you food.” He rose from the bed and stepped away. “Don’t move from this bed while I’m gone. I have to consider some things. Chasing you would not make me happy.”
I rolled over to stare at him. “I’m not in any condition to run away.”
He didn’t indicate he heard me, instead gliding from the room. He left me in the basement of a house I’d once cleaned, lying in a bed that wasn’t mine, with no understanding of what just happened. My body still ached, only not from the venom. I needed it, and I hadn’t gotten any satisfaction.But he is gone, right?I tucked my hand in my pants, dove under my panties, until I found my clit. It had been a long time since I’d had any interest in these sensations. Still, I rubbed at myself until I came around my own fingers.
It was a hollow victory.Not what I wanted.
Caesar had gotten hard but he didn’t react like a man craving satisfaction.What does it mean?
I rolled back over onto my stomach. With a groan, I decided that I’d just lie there and not think. What other choice did I have?
My eyes closed.
With no idea it was coming, I fell asleep, darkness sucking me under. It was peaceful and I didn’t fight the sensation.
“Maci.” Once again, Caesar’s voice called me from wherever I’d gone. I wrenched my eyes open. They felt glued shot.
“Caesar?”How is he here? He’s dead.Everything rushed back to me. “Sorry. I guess I fell asleep.”
“Drink this.” He put a straw in my mouth, and the sweetness of orange juice filled me. “Swallow these.”
I stared at his pills. “What are they?”
“A multi-vitamin and an iron pill. Swallow.”
I did as he said.Why is he doing this?He spooned eggs into my mouth, and even though I absolutely could feed myself, I let him. Things were so unclear right then. Like, I was in a haze, not really awake.