My head always hurt when I gave it too much thought.
There were things I knew about vampires that I hadn’t known before. Yes, they never lied, but they watched their words carefully. They could easily change what they said to mean what they wanted.
Only the older vampires had sex. They had to be at least a hundred years old to have the urge again. Interestingly enough, they were monogamous. They only wanted their paramour. Until they didn’t want her anymore. I hoped their time was worth it.
“I’ll help.” I pulled my legs to my chest in the hopes of hoisting myself up that way. I had become more adept as time had gone by.
She shook her head. “No, you sleepwalked again last night. I saw you come back inside. Now you’re puking. They’re taking too much from you. Rest today. You can help tomorrow.”
I shook my head. “Better if I have something to do so I don’t have to think about it.”
I’d never told them that I used to sleepwalk before any of this happened. Or at least I had that one time with the guys. Maybe it was vampires? In their presence, I sleepwalked like some kind of allergy. I was, in my sleep, trying to get the fuck away from there.
But I always came back. Wherever I went, I returned. It was really odd. And I tended to puke the next day too. I couldn’t make sense of any of it, as though there was a piece I was always missing and couldn’t work it out because I was never going to see the whole picture.
“Not today.” Bethany smiled at me, then she frowned. “When you first came to stay with us, it was such a shock. I don’t think any of us thought they’d do to you what they have. We’ve all come to really like you. We appreciate how hard you try to help, even though this has been hellish on you. Frankly, I’m not sure how you’re still alive. They bite you too much. It should have killed you by now.”
None of it was news to me. “Bethany, you’re giving me kind words, but if you don’t have a point, I’d really rather not bang around with theyou should be deadmotif.”
She grinned. “I do. I guess I’m wondering what you think is going to happen when they wake up? What are they going to do with you?”
“That is the million-dollar question. If their fathers are to be believed, they won’t care about me as anything other than a feeding tube. So…I guess we’ll find out.”
I needed to leave. That much I knew. But I was addicted. I had to find a way to detox in a place where they couldn’t find me before I could accomplish any kind of real escape. I woke up every day with my hands shaking, needing someone to bite me so I could function again. I was my mother, but ten times worse than I’d ever seen her before.
“We’re all here for you. I want you to know that. Get some sunshine.” She squeezed my knee. “See you, lady. Charlotte, with me.”
She waited until Bethany was out of the room before she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know who put Bethany in charge, but I wish they’d demote her.” She winked at me. “See you later.”
With a bounce in her step I wished I still had, she rushed from the room. Bethany was in charge because she’d been there the longest. Did she know yet that she’d never be turned? Or was she still holding out hope?
She asked me things, so maybe I could ask her? By nature, I was cautious, and the last time I’d stepped out of my comfort zone, I’d landed in this mess. No, I’d just keep my personal intrusions into the lives of those around me to a minimum.
On shaky legs, I made my way outside, avoiding looking at the coffin room. Everyone called it the rebirth room. As far as I was concerned, it was a place where they murdered people. Not that it mattered what I thought. It was windowless, and guards walked the outside of it all day long. Bethany and a woman named Laura usually cleaned it.
I stayed as far away as I could. Even looking at it broke my heart.
But the rest of the compound stayed as it always had been. I imagined, if I lived to be two hundred years old, if I came back there, it would still look the same. They’d modernize enough that no one would notice that the majority of it never changed. Just rich people doing rich things, that’s how they wanted to seem from the outside.
Laughter caught my attention, and I side-eyed the people doing the laughing. It was the paramours. Well, three of them. Last count, there were ten, but there could be more. Or fewer. Depending on what was going on. Sometimes we got asked to clean up after them or straighten their rooms in whatever mansions where they lived.
Rowan’s house wasn’t his father’s house anymore. Once Rowan was gone, others moved in with human children. It was like the houses rotated once the human was no longer alive. I hadn’t been asked to interact with those kids. It was easy for me to imagine their lives, since I knew what the guys had once told me.
It wasn’t happy in there.
Across the yard, with the sun setting, I met the gaze of Ace’s father—Gilbert. They were always first and foremostthe fathersto me. They belonged to the guys first and their actual name second. I didn’t even know if those had been their given names or if they’d adopted them over time, the way they added electronics to the compound. They were old-fashioned enough, they might need to be updated again soon.
Or maybe I was overthinking it.
Gilbert never fed off of me. Not once. He didn’t have a paramour and regularly used the servants, but never the same one over and over. Sometimes he took random humans too. As far as I knew, those folks lived through the experience. Not that anyone would tell me if they didn’t. Some vampires still killed regularly, and there was an entire section of vampires whose job it was to hide the evidence.
He furrowed his brow and looked away. Ace had always said his father was different than the others. Maybe he actually cared what was happening to me?
Maybe he was my way out?
I didn’t know what made me decide right in that moment to run, but I turned on my heel and walked toward the exit the vampires used to get to their cars when they came and went from the compound. I grabbed a broom. No one would question me if I held onto the broom. I lived with the servants, and when I could move, I did their jobs with them. I was basically a part time servant, waylaid only by my constant blood loss and addiction issues.
Without any money, car keys, food, or even a jacket, I rushed out that gate. It was my first time through them since the guys had died. I looked left and right. There was nowhere close to go if I didn’t grab a car. Ace had given me his, but the keys vanished that first night. That meant there wasn’t anywhere to go but into the woods, so that was where I was going.