Run on sentence for the win to get both my questions asked. He groaned. “You don’t let things go, even if you’re quiet about it. I see that now. And I brought it up, anyway. That’ll teach me to think I can get away with anything. Um, I set that stuff on fire because I was half out of my mind. I don’t really know why that was, except it happens to me sometimes. Like, I’m suddenly just filled with rage. It’s a family trait, unfortunately. I’m not dangerous to you or anything. I swear it. I just…had to light that dumpster up right at that moment.”
I stared at him. Well, at least he was honest. I liked honesty—loved it, even. I went dark sometimes. Maybe we all did. Or whatever. I barely had time to think about that kind of stuff most of the time. “Are you feeling like you want to spark something up right now?”
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. In fact, I’ve been feeling really calm the last few days.”
“I have to be crazy to sit here listening to you and not demand you pull over and let me out. I mean…you’ve just said that you feel the need to burn things.”
Rowan winced and nodded. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted that. I will, if you want, but we’re almost there. You can always have one of the other guys bring you home after we get there, if I make you nervous.”
“The thing is, you don’t make me nervous, and I think that may speak more to there being something wrong with me than something wrong with you. And…no, I don’t want to go home, because I’ve never had a night like this and I want to have just one.” I looked out the window. “Even if I end up being one of those heroines in the novels that everyone is screaming at to get out of the car or whatever.”
He laughed. “Maci, look at me for a second.”
I did because the truth was, I preferred to look at Rowan more than anything else I could stare at right then. “Looking.”
“You can have more than one night like this. I promise you that. We were all so excited you were coming. Very excited. I obviously couldn’t sit and wait any longer. I know that’s weird. But, so long as there is breath in my body, I am not now, nor will I ever, be a bully. I promise you that. You’re not on some journey that’s going to leave you broken.”
I believed him. That was the funny thing about it. Maybe I was stupid, but I did. As he parked the car, I decided to just go for it. For one night, I wasn’t alone in a trailer. If it was too weird or went in any way badly, I’d never do it again.
Wanda’s was an older-looking building. Or at least it appeared that way. Sometimes, that was a motif that people applied to newer things. I didn’t really know why people did that. If I ever had money, I wasn’t going to let anything look old or worn, but whatever made people happy made them happy. I thought Wanda’s really was old.
Maybe it was the way that the paint peeled around the bricks. As we approached the door, with Rowan’s hand on the small of my back, Griffin came outside. He blinked when he saw us. “Was just coming to find all of you. Tanner’s not answering his cell. I thought maybe you were still in sushi heaven. I could get behind a little spicy tuna right now.”
Rowan laughed. “Tanner is driving. If he’s not texting, that’s a good thing. He got a little put out that his meal was comped.” Griffin winced. “But we are here. I think I’ve only moderately freaked out Maci.”
I picked up my fingers to indicate with my pointer finger and thumb that it was a small amount. “I’m weird, so it works for me. Still, stop saying things I can’t ask about. Okay?”
Griffin took my hand. “She’s as smart as I am, Rowan, so she’d know good-weird from bad-weird. Just don’t push her into restraining her curiosity too much. Come on in. Wanda’s is fun. This is where we are most of the time when we’re anywhere.”
I looked over my shoulder at Rowan. “I’m surprised it’s withstood so long. You don’t want to burn it down?”
“So far, I’m good. No burning tonight.” He winked at me.
Griffin shook his head. “Fuck, I hope not. I like this place and I don’t feel like trashing it, so we’re all good it would seem.”
“Do you trash things?” Was that what he sometimes felt compelled to do? Did I have anything I absolutely did when things inside just felt like they were too much? I really didn’t. I was too busy trying to eat. What would I do if I ever had the time?
He shrugged. “I can neither confirm nor deny that with an answer. I suppose you’ll have to wonder.”
Inside, the air conditioning hit me, and I shivered. Why was it so cold inside? Griffin dropped my hand and put his arm around me. “It’s warmer once we get farther inside. The owner, Wanda, is going through what she callsthe change. She talks about it constantly. Anyway, she gets hot and then we all freeze. But where we’re going to hang out, it’s not this cold.”
I looked around. This was a real bar. I’d never been inside one, other than trying to drag my mother home. It was crowded, with groups of people talking in low voices. Some of them drank, some of them absolutely didn’t. It was strange. Why were so many people completely drinkless in a bar? They didn’t seem to be really doing anything at all. I recognized some of them—a few had been seniors when I’d been a freshman.
I hadn’t seen them in a while. A whole group of them. What were their names? The thought soon pushed out of my head as we entered a backroom, leaving whoever was in the other room behind us. Sitting on some couches, lounging around like they owned the place, were Ace and Caesar. Ace pounded on his phone, but he jumped to his feet when he saw us. Caesar was slower, but his smile was just as broad at our approach.
“I told you I’d find them.” Griffin let me go and headed to the couch closest to us before he threw himself down on it.
Rowan sat next to him. “On the way here. Tanner’s cooling off. Be here soon.”
“That’s fine.” Ace hugged me. “Tanner gets here when he gets here. You brought Maci. That’s the key for tonight. Glad you made it.”
“I didn’t even know these places existed. It’s cozy in here. How early did you have to get here to secure this backroom?”
Caesar yawned and patted the seat next to him. Ace and I walked over toward him and sat, me in between them. I’d just been hugged. My body buzzed. I was hardly ever hugged, hardly ever touched. It was like every cell in my skin had sat up and paid attention. I took a deep breath.Wow. They just did that like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Welcome. We’re not doing anything particularly exciting in here tonight. Not that we ever do. But it’s different than sitting in our house and it allows us to be present. That’s what we’re supposed to be doing. It’s so much better with you here.”
I grinned. Had I ever smiled so much in one night? “Well, it’s the most excitement I’ve maybe ever had. At least of the good kind. So you just hang out in a bar? They let you in a bar? I usually have to beg to get in to find my mother, back when I used to do that.”