There was one sushi place in town. I’d heard about it when it opened, but I’d never been. Asking me if I liked sushi was like asking me if I enjoyed riding unicorns. Yes, in my dreams, I enjoyed such things. “I’ve never had it.”
“Are you adventurous? Like, you’d give it a try?” He squeezed my hand.
Was his question a test? Or was I just looking too deep into what he said? “I think that people love sushi, right? I don’t know why I wouldn’t want to try it. I mean…I’ll have no idea what to order. You’d have to do it for me.”
He nodded. “Sushi it is, then. If you hate it, I’ll take you for a cheeseburger.”
“So which do you like better? Soccer or baseball?” I wanted to know him. Just feeling like I did wasn’t enough. I had to actually learn some things about Tanner, or it was just a feeling that would fade because there was nothing real to hold it up.
He sighed. “I guess baseball, but the truth is that I’d rather not play sports. When I’m doing them, I spend most of the time counting down how much longer before I can go home and play my guitar.” With a little bit of a shrug, he tried to cover the fact that he winced when he said that. “Not that I have any intentions of being a rock star or anything. That’s not a possibility, but I do love to play. Even if it’s pointless, it is just one of those things, I guess.”
“Will you play for me?” I’d love to hear him. Besides, I wasn’t sure why Tanner couldn’t be a rock star. If he was talented, he could pull it off. He was certainly good-looking enough. Like a rock star already, with his long brown hair, green eyes, and lean physique. I could see him selling albums. Girls going crazy whenever they saw his image.
“If that’s something you’d like, I will. Not in the restaurant, but afterward, when we meet up with everyone else. If there aren’t too many others around.”
I let go of his hand to touch the end of his hair, just to see if it was as soft as it seemed. Realizing how completely inappropriate that was, I dropped my hand. “Sorry. I can be weird too. I just wanted to feel it. And…and…” I forced myself to catch my breath. What was the worst that was going to happen? Was he going to shove me out of his car for touching his hair? “I thought it might be soft. Sorry.”
We rolled to a slow stop at the stoplight, and he leaned over closer to me. “Touch my hair. I’d love it.”
Really?With a shake to my hand, I let myself feel his soft brown locks, running my hand through his hair once. “Thanks. Weird moment over.” His hair was truly just as silky as it looked. Yes, he could be a rock star. That was for sure. “I’ll try to refrain from any more, and I promise if I can’t, I can at least limit it to four times a night. How about that?”
“Really?” He took the chance to reach over and touch my hair. “I may get stuck with ten. I tend to hit ten a night, so you’ll beat me.”
The light changed, and I stared out the window. This side of town was really hopping. Everything was lit up and people wandered all around. “Would you believe I grew up here and I’ve never been to this place? We might as well have left my total understanding of our town behind.”
My mother probably frequented the area when she was actually around. People doing exciting things. Laughing. Drinking. Probably just enjoying the heck out of life. But I’d been alone, and no one had ever brought me. Not even my mother, who used to drag me with her occasionally to a closer bar.
Why hadn’t she? I chewed on my lip and then abruptly stopped. “That’s Mrs. Reemus.”
“Your English teacher.” Tanner visibly gripped the steering wheel tighter, his hands white in the knuckles. “Yes, she tends to hang out down here. I imagine she’s about to have a very memorable night.”
I could ignore a lot of the strange things he said because of the whole secrets issue, but that, I wasn’t going to let go. I had a line. Apparently. As this was all new to me, I just had to figure it out. “What does that mean?”
“It means that she has, for a long time, been very interested in getting involved with my extended family. Tonight, she’s going to get what she thinks she wants. It might be a case of be careful what you wish for. Griffin opened some doors for her. He gave her just enough rope, she might be able to hang herself with it. Or not. Maybe she’s smarter than she thinks.”
We pulled into a parking lot and stopped. I wanted to look around and see the building, really drink the view in, but the goose bumps on my arms insisted I listen to my gut. “Is she getting this chance to really screw up her life because of me? Whatever is about to happen to her, is it because of me?”
My heart raced, and I wasn’t sure I could actually eat the sushi we’d planned to order. My thoughts were so muddled.
He took my hand back in his. “She’s getting this opportunity to destroy her own life because of her own actions. She’s the kind of woman who would take out her anger, because her husband was unfaithful with your mother, on a sixteen-year-old girl who she is responsible for during the time she is in her classroom. She humiliated you. And you haven’t done a thing to her. I’d like to think that we’d do this for anyone. I don’t know if we would. I do know you’re our friend, and we all have the same feeling—that you’re going to be very important to us. I know she doesn’t get to do that with no consequences.”
Tears flooded my eyes. “I should have known that was why.” I tried really hard to suck back my tears. Some of them still found a way to travel down my cheeks. “She…my mother. She can’t help it. I mean…she’s a good person. I know she is. But she’s lost, and I’m always being judged because she’s lost.” I closed my eyes to stop the tears. “I should be used to it by now.”
His lips brushed my cheek, caressing the escaping tears. “No, you shouldn’t. Look at me. Please.”
I forced my lids open to stare at him in the light coming off the street. “Sorry about the crying.”
“I know you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like people to see you cry, so I’ll promise you that I’ll never tell a soul about it, but you have no reason to feel that way. What she’s been doing to you deserves the tears. A real quality person would have found a way to not be your teacher if she couldn’t take the conflict of interest. Or she would have sucked it up and treated you like her student. Any number of fucking things. All that’s going to happen tonight is that she’ll get what she wants. Time with some of my…cousins, who she’s been trying to get the attention of for some time. She may not end up liking them very much. Or maybe she will. In any case, it’s on her. It’s on Griffin. It’s on me, even. It has nothing to do with you if she ends up unhappy, okay?” He cupped my cheeks. “No more tears over that terrible woman.”
I swallowed. “Okay.”
“I might kiss you tonight. If you let me. Not just your cheek. And my friends might too. I know that’s weird, but it’s fine if you want to kiss all of us. We don’t have… I guess I’ll just say that for a lot of reasons, that boundary of one-on-one which exists in society doesn’t apply to us. If you want to kiss all of us, kiss us. If you don’t want to, don’t. It’s okay.”
That series of statements pushed all thoughts of Mrs. Reemus and what she’d gotten herself into from my mind. He unhooked his seatbelt, and I did the same, exiting the car at the same time. He hurried around and took my hand. “I’m not my mother.”
“I know that.” When he would have led me inside, I didn’t move. “Maci?”
“I won’t go around kissing all of you or whatever because I’m some sort of person who can’t control herself or can’t respect herself. Or whatever. So if this is just a thing you guys do and you think I’ll be game because I’m like her, then you should probably just take me back to my car.” My heart raced as I said the words. Even as I said them, I couldn’t believe I’d spoken the words, but at least I now knew I was the kind of person who would.