Dom nods his head. “I just had to make sure, I didn’t want to assume anything.” He gives Emmett a tender look and my heart sinks.
Why the fuck am I like this? Why is it okay for me to touch, love on, and fuck everyone? But not okay for them. The vines are constricting around my throat and my jealousy is eating away at me.
I feel like a selfish prick right now, the girl of my dreams laid on my lap, who just had the worst fucking day ever and I’m thinking about me. I don’t want to be like this, I have to actively rearrange my mindset multiple times a day so that I don’t have a breakdown. Now of all moments would be the worst time.
I hate how I felt during some parts of the date. When Kelsey embarrassed Dom or when Dom was flirting with Emmett. Was I also showered with affection, yes. But I just couldn’t help but feel like I would be the last choice out of the three of us.
This needs to stop, now is not the time. Kelsey needs me. This is a moment for me to step up. Be the partner Kelsey deserves.
I break their focus on each other by clearing my throat. “Does Kelsey need anything else for the bee sting?” I ask. I am genuinely concerned about her. Not just the physical but the mental. To me it didn’t look like she or Emmett were completely surprised that Shyla knew Meera, but of course the interaction was mentally draining, nonetheless.
“I’ll call her brother. He will know for sure,” Dom says. He glances back in the rear-view mirror, looking at both Kelsey and me while he scrubs his face.
We took Kelsey to the hospital to get checked out. She was passed out most of the visit, but everything is fine. We’re all tired and worried about Kelsey.
Dom carefully puts Kelsey down in her nest, assuming this is where she would want to go to sleep. “You guys hungry?” he asks me and Emmett.
I nod my head, and we walk into the kitchen.
“Don’t think you’re going to find much in here,” Emmett says, pulling out his phone and sighing when he doesn’t have any messages or calls from Shyla.
“She’ll call,” Dom assures him, and I’m shocked at how well he is handling this situation. I wonder how he feels about her being related to Meera. Even if they put a lot of their issues behind them today, that probably has to be difficult for him to wrap his mind around.
“Pizza good?” Emmett asks, and Dom and I both nod our heads.
Emmett looks between me and Dom and arches an eyebrow. “I’m going to go lie down with Kelsey. Let me know when the food’s here?” he says. I’m thankful that he’s giving us some space. But also jealous that he’s going to be the one to comfort my Omega. I should be the one in there, she needs to understand that I care. I more than fucking care. I rub at my chest, the conflicting emotions too much. Knowing I love her, but am also jealous of her? It’s fucked up and I don’t know how to handle it. I just need time to breathe. Today has been a lot for all of us, I just need alone time to process and get my thoughts together. Once I clear my head I can let these negative feelings go.
Dom goes to pick up his phone and call Smith, but lays it flat on the countertop and looks at me questioningly. “Cam, what’s going on?” he asks.
There’s something about when the person you love the most in the world asks you what’s wrong. It’s like you can’t contain the overwhelming emotions. You know that person would be able to see through the bullshit. I take a deep breath, wanting him to drop it. Now’s not the time. Our attention should be on Kelsey, not on how I can’t seem to figure out how to fucking share as a grown ass man.
“Cam, baby, you can tell me anything,” he says, his voice gentle, making me want to crack.
“We can talk about it later.” I can feel a sob crack in my voice. I consider bolting to Kelsey’s room, taking some time to get myself together.
“Baby, please,” His voice cracks and I can’t hold it in anymore. It’s been eating away at me.
“I… I don’t know if I can do this anymore?” I say, tears streaking down my face. I hold on to the countertop for support.
“What do you mean, you can’t do this anymore? Do what?”
“Share.”
“Share who?”
I throw my hands in the air. “All of you! It’s fine when someone is watching or I could even see a threesome or more happening. That would be fine. But I see everyone else having feelings for each other and it hurts me. I constantly feel like I’m being compared to Kelsey and that I’m not good enough. I feel like everyone would be happier in this pack if I wasn’t in it dragging it down.”
He gives me a soft look, especially soft with how large he is. He rubs his giant hands down my arms and cups my face. “I love you, Cameron. Nothing would ever change how I feel about you.” He doesn’t say that he will step away from this. Deep down I know that I don’t want that either, but him not even offering makes me sink deeper into my pit of despair.
“If I said I wanted things to go back to normal, how they were a few weeks ago, how would you feel?”
He blinks at me multiple times and his mouth gapes open. “I couldn’t leave Kelsey,” he says and looks down, his hand still stroking my arm, but I pull away. I didn’t want to get into this now, why did he push me? I didn’t want him to choose. That’s not what I’m asking. I’m pissed he didn’t give me space that all of this word vomit is making its way out of my soul.
“You think I want to leave Kelsey?” I’m nearly yelling. Dom’s eyes are wide. I hardly ever raise my voice. “Do you know what it feels like to love them and feel jealous of them at the same time? I want her to myself, but I feel jealous when you touch each other and I hate myself for it. Deciding to share you is making me hate myself. Part of me is so fucking grateful you brought her into my life. I can’t imagine her not in my life. But the other side of me—the side of me that I fucking hate—that side wishes I never agreed to come meet her, so we could have avoided all of this.”
There’s a light sob behind us and we both turn around to see Kelsey crying against the door frame. Emmett gaping at us and holding her steady.
“Kelsey, wait.” I try to run after her, but she slams the door to her nest. I can hear her sobbing behind the door. “Kelsey, please let me explain,” I say, crying on the other side of the door.