“Look, Mia,” he begins. “I’m going to talk to you as the
grown up, intelligent woman that you are. But I’m not going to forget for one second that you are my daughter, do you understand me?” he asks firmly.
“Yes, sir,” I say.
“Things happen in life,” he admits with skillful vague- ness. “Do you know what I’m saying?”’
“Yes, sir,” I say again.
“Good,” he pronounced. “So, you understand. So, I don’t have to worry that you’re going to get a little stir crazy on this trip you’re about to take and do something impetuous. Like a foolish teenager. Now, I know you are not a teenager anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there are times to act wild and crazy. This is not one of them.
There is going to be some security accompanying you. You have never met them before. But I want you to think of them as extensions of me. I won’t be with you on this trip, but if they tell you to do something, or more importantly, not to do something, think of it as coming from me.”
“Yes, sir,” I say.
On the outside, I am polite, but on the inside, I am sinking. I have friends and a life, and it almost feels normal. I am always aware in the back of my mind that my reality is different from my happy-go-lucky friends. Many of them are dating, going to parties, living the single life we all should in our twenties. But not me. Any guy Papa did approve of didn’t stay around long once they heard his name.
Today I’m reminded that with all of the luxuries I have, they sometimes come with a price. Having to put my normal life on hold and go on a “vacation” for safety reasons is the price I am going to have to pay.
What he really means is one of the other families has just upped the ante on their little turf war. If he gives me a quick tutorial on how to operate a gun, then I know I’m in real danger.
“So, you know I love you, right?” he begins.
“Yes, Dad,” I say.
“And I only want the best for you. That’s why I put in
the long hours. So that you can have whatever your heart desires,” he says.
Except for freedom right now.
“Yes, Papa,” I say.
I try not to let my voice break. I want to ask questions,
but at the same time, I don’t want to act like I am questioning him. Nobody questions my father.
“And sometimes in life, there are little sacrifices we have
“And sometimes in life, there are little sacrifices we have to make for all the good things we have,” he says.
He’s trying to sound philosophical, but he’s talking in circles. Since I was little, all I had to do was start to cry and he would give me whatever I want. I don’t think that’s going to work this time.
“Is there anything I should know?” I ask.
There’s a look of terror that "ashes across his face.
“I mean like while I’m on the trip, or should I just go
and have a good time?” I clarify so that he doesn’t think I am asking about what’s really going on.
“Like I said,” he answers, “you’ll be with a security team. They’ll give you guidance.”
I feel my chin quiver. But I do my best to not let it show.
“So,” he says with as much positivity as possible, “would you like to meet the team?”
“The team? How many are there? I mean, you’re way more important than I am. Shouldn’t they be with you?”