“No, no, just the bran, thank you, dear.”
“Right,” I say quietly as I make my way from the house and start down the street. The shop is only a ten-minute walk away, but it feels like a fucking lifetime as I put one foot in front of the other. I try to keep my mind blank as I go, not wanting to think about anything. Numb. It’s the best way. Can’t get hurt if you’re numb to everything.
I walk into the supermarket, pushing the sunglasses on top of my head, marching through the couples who lovingly hold hands as they discuss what meal they’re going to cook tonight, and through the older folk who like to congregate… on a Saturday morning. Fuck me, it’s a Saturday, my brain frantically working out if I’m correct. It turns out I am as I pass the newsstand and see the date printed with the day in big bold letters—SATURDAY. Marvellous. A Saturday morning shopping for bran… like deja-fucking-vu.
I quickly make my way to the cereal aisle, and lo and behold, there are a few older couples browsing—yup, you guessed it—the motherfucking bran.
My first outing for weeks and I have to deal with this shit again. Except, I’m not in the mood to wait patiently to the side this time, and I walk over, asking them to move so I can reach the brand that Gran likes. They give me a look before they move down a touch, and I reach up for the box I need in order to pay and get the hell out of here.
But as I do, I feel a hand over the top of mine, and my heart stops for a beat before I close my eyes and feel the tears instantly springing to the backs of my eyes.
No… it can’t be.
But I know that touch, and I know damn well who it is.
I try to keep calm, even as my heart pounds violently in my chest.
I try to stop my legs from trembling, even though there is no point because they’re shaking like I’m on a damn vibrating plate.
And I try to breath normally, even though my lungs are screaming at me to inhale more air.
I slowly move my hand down, minus the box of bran, and turn around, coming face to face with Caleb Carter.
“Hi, baby,” he says, the stubble from his jaw tempting me to rub my palm against it. His eyes seem to sparkle as he looks at me, but they also look hollow, like they’ve been searching for the key to make them whole again.
“Caleb…” I say his name so quietly, but he hears me and my silent question. Why is he here right now?
“I spoke to your gran and she told me you were here,” he says, but I’m in too much shock to do anything other than stare at him and will the tears to just bugger off. “I miss you.”
And I guess the tears will be doing their own thing now as they start to fall down my cheeks. I don’t know what to say to him as he stares at me with hope and longing. I’m sure I’m looking at him the same way, but nothing has changed. The reason we can’t be together still exists, and it always will.
As if reading my mind, Caleb says, “I can’t live without you, Cameron, and he’s gone, far away from here—they both have.”
Danny and his mother, Bliss. Gone. Away from here. What? When? How? Why don’t I know this already?
“I choose you, Cameron. I will always choose you,” he whispers, but I can’t let myself fall only to be broken again. I barely survived the first time, and this time it’s pretty much destroyed me, so I dread to think what would happen if things ended between us a third time.
“I swear, I only stayed away to make sure that they were gone for good. And they have. I’d have come sooner if it hadn’t taken so long,” he tells me, and I hear murmurs from the side of me, but I can’t look away from him.
“Gone where?” I whisper.
“She’s in prison, awaiting trial a few hundred miles from here. And he’s in a facility where they’re running tests until he is deemed fit to be put on trial, but that could take years, and again, it’s hundreds of miles away.”
“But… don’t you want to—”
“No, I don’t,” he says with determination. “I can’t forgive what he did, Cameron, and I sure as hell don’t want to lose you for good over it. I know you thought you were giving me up to save me, but it turns out, all I need to be saved is you.”
“But what if you regret it?” I ask, because it’s a very real possibility that he will regret this choice.
“I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last couple of weeks, Cameron, and the only thing I regret is letting you walk away for a second time.” And then he’s moving closer to me as I back up into the cereal shelves and his lips graze across mine.
“Please don’t tell me there is no way for us, because I’ll never survive it. All that’s been getting me through is coming back to you and living the life we should have had all along.”
His hand comes to my face, cupping my cheek as his forehead leans against mine.
“I fucking love you, Cameron, so much,” he whispers, and this time, the tears that fall down my face are happy ones as I push my lips to his and let him kiss me, right there in the cereal aisle, on a Saturday morning, with all of the older generation watching on.
ChapterForty-Four