“I’m good. You?” As if I need to ask, his happiness is written all over his face and shows in the feast he’s cooked. Clearly having hot sex does wonders for him… shame I can’t say the same.
“Great,” he answers, and I pick up my cup and take a sip, welcoming the burn of the coffee as I try desperately to push down the overwhelming emotions inside of me.
How could I have been so stupid?
How could I have let myself get so caught up in the moment and ignore my own advice?
“So, uh, I want to talk to you about yesterday… when my dad showed up here,” he says, and I choke on the eggs I just forced into my mouth. I cough and splutter as I try to dislodge the food, and Danny quickly springs into action and comes around the table to pat me on the back.
“Jesus,” he says when I stop coughing and he goes to get me a glass of water. “You okay?”
I take the water from him and down half of it, nodding as I place the glass on the table and thank him. He gives me a smile and returns to his seat, meanwhile I just want the ground to swallow me up and for this conversation to be over.
“Anyway, as I was saying,” he continues. I guess I’m not going to be spared from talking about Caleb with him just yet. “I didn’t really get a chance to talk to you about it after, because, well, you know,” he says and raises his eyebrows, as if I need the reminder. “I just want you to know that I don’t usually get like that. It’s just… my dad isn’t a good guy. He left my mum when he found out she was pregnant, said he would only see me when it was convenient for him and that he never wanted to be tied down.
“It messed my mum up for a while, but she never gave up on me. She’s always been there, and if it weren’t for her, I have no idea where I would have grown up. I saw my dad on the odd weekend when Mum had to work, but other than that, he wasn’t around. He didn’t teach me how to ride my first bike or come and watch my first football game at school or anything like that. And it wasn’t until I turned sixteen that he actually tried to see me a little more.”
He pauses and takes a sip of his drink, obviously needing a moment. When he speaks, I can tell it hurts, but what he’s saying doesn’t fit with the Caleb I know—or knew. I mean, he talked about his son, but only briefly, mentioning him every now and again but not giving much detail away––I guess it runs in the family to avoid talking about the things that cause them pain. Even so, hearing this version of him is a little shocking. But then, maybe I never really knew him at all? I mean, four weeks isn’t a long time… hurts a little to think that maybe I didn’t though, considering I was in love with the guy.
“Anyway, to cut a long story short, the damage had already been done, and I refuse to just let him waltz back into my life,” he finishes, and I take a moment to try and pick one of the many questions I have floating in my mind to ask him.
“So… you’ve never been able to get past him not being there?” It seems like a safe question to ask for the time being, given this is obviously an incredibly sensitive topic for him.
“No. And it’s not because I hold a grudge over him not wanting me in the first place, it’s more about how he treated Mum.”
“But that was a long time ago, Danny, and maybe it wasn’t quite—” He holds his hand up, cutting me off from finishing my sentence.
“I know what you’re going to say, and you’re wrong. I’ve asked him the same questions that are probably running through your mind right now, and he’s always tried to flip it around and blame my mum, but I won’t have that. I don’t want to hear him try to blame her, because she never gave up on me, but he did. And what I saw her go through for years…” His voice fades off and he drops his head, shaking it from side to side gently.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain,” I say softly, because as much as I know I have to end this with him, I still care about him, and I don’t want to see him upset.
“Thanks, Cam,” he says as he lifts his head back up and stares at me. “I just didn’t want you to think badly of me with the way I reacted and us not having discussed it.”
“I don’t think badly of you at all, and I’m not here to judge. You’re the one that’s lived through it, not me, but thank you for sharing with me so I understand it a little better,” I tell him with a smile, putting his feelings before mine for the time being.
He reaches for my hand across the table and lays his over mine whilst he holds my gaze. “Listen, Cam, I want to tell you… I mean, I need to… I just…” He stumbles over his words, like he doesn’t know how to say whatever it is he’s trying to say.
“What is it?” I ask, not knowing that a few seconds later my world was about to become more complicated once again. If I had known, I wouldn’t have asked the question.
“I love you, Cam,” he blurts out, and I feel as if the air has been sucked from my lungs. My mouth drops open a little as I stare at him like a fish out of water. “You don’t have to say anything, and I don’t want you to say it back until you really feel it, but I needed to tell you, because you are quickly becoming my whole world, Cameron Curtis.”
Ohhh fuck.
ChapterSeven
Cameron
I’ve managed to avoid Danny for the last two days, but I guess my time is up as I see him come walking into the reception area from the glass windows of my office.
Shit.
I’ve done nothing but think about him saying he loves me. He can’t love me, I don’t deserve his love, not that he knows that, but still. This is getting so complicated so fucking fast. I didn’t sign up for this shit, but then, neither did he, and I can’t keep being unfair to him. I have to speak with him. I need to stop all of this before he gets really hurt—or worse, finds out the truth somehow.
“Hey, babe,” Danny says as he walks into my office and around the desk, bending down to give me a peck on the lips before thrusting the flowers in my face. “For you.”
“Uh, thanks,” I say as I take the flowers and force that smile on my face once again. Such a contrast to the first time he surprised me at work with flowers and I felt butterflies.
“So, where you been hiding for the last two days?” he asks, walking back around my desk and taking a seat on the opposite side to me.