Oh.
I stroked his silken beard. “Then there’s something you need to know.” I looked him in the eyes. “I’m not going to be doing this with anyone else. Okay?”
He gaped. “I don’t expect you to—”
I silenced him with a kiss. Then I drew back and locked gazes with him. “There is only one man for me, do you understand?”
I hadn’t come right out and said it, but there was only one implication he could draw from my words. He stared at me in silence, and suddenly his eyes glistened. He wiped them with his hand.
“Then I hope the next three hundred sixty-five days fly by.”
It took me a moment to do the math.
Damn. A leap year.
“One more day won’t kill us,” I whispered. Then I closed my eyes to shut out the prospect of having to leave his realm, his arms.
When I was forty-nine
2016
Ben sounded unhappy, and I didn’t blame him. He’d been asking me to visit them for the holidays for months, and each time I’d told him I couldn’t. I paced up and down my living room, pausing now and then to glance at the clock.
He’ll be here soon. The mailman had already visited, so I knew he’d made time for us.
Ben’s voice broke into my thoughts. “I still don’t understand why you won’t stay with us. Why would you want to be alone for Christmas?”
“It’s not that I want to be alone—I just have… commitments.” Well, one commitment, that had filled my mind since the last Christmas Eve.
I’d made plans for this one.
“During the holidays?”
“Come on. I saw you two months ago.” I was already feeling guilty. I didn’t need Ben to heap more coals on my head.
Well…” He sighed. “I guess I’ll have to wait a while longer. It’s not as if we don’t already have a houseful. Layla’s family are all here. It’s just that… you’re the only family I’ve got now. The twins… they keep asking when they’ll get to see Uncle Anthony again.”
I had to do something to make him feel better. It was Christmas, for God’s sake. “I’ll come see you for New Year’s.”
There was a pause. “Really?”
“Sure. They owe me vacation time anyway. I never use it all. And I would be there now, only… I have to be here. I can’t tell you more than that.”
Silence.
“Ben?”
“Oh my God.”
“What? What’s wrong?” My heart raced.
“I get it now. You’ve met someone.” Before I could butt in, he surged ahead. “What’s his name? How long has this been going on? Do I get to meet him?”
“Hey, slow down. What makes you think I’ve met someone?”
“Because you’re being secretive. Don’t you know me by now? I know my job might make you think differently, but I really don’t mind if you’re into guys. God, I was so freaking happy when you finally told us. Okay, Kris wouldn’t have been my first choice, and if I ever run into the bastard, I’ll break his fucking knees for cheating on you.”
I tut-tutted. “I hope your bishop, or whoever it is you answer to, doesn’t hear such language.”