I frowned, not sure what she meant by that. I’d never meant for this war to happen, never meant for people to die.
“You didn’t sugarcoat things,” she said as if she could see my confusion. She took another deep breath. She stood and blew out a long breath.
“Mom?”
“Just give me a moment, Greta. This is a bit more than I expected.”
“I told you it was something Dad would never forgive.”
Mom gave a one shoulder shrug. “He’d forgive you, of course. But his actions regarding the Vitiellos might not be considered forgiving.”
“He’ll kill Amo.”
“He wanted to kill him for various reasons before this. I fear death won’t be enough in your father’s eyes in this case.”
I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. Despair clawed at my chest.
The sofa dipped and Mom wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “It’s going to be okay.”
“How?”
“I don’t know yet. But it’s going to be okay.” Mom stroked my head as if I still were a small child. “How long has this been going on?”
“Five months.”
“I noticed that you changed but I didn’t want to pressure you into talking to me. I knew you’d come when you felt ready.”
I pulled back. “I feel lost. I don’t know what to do.”
“Would you consider stopping what’s between you and Amo—” She shook her head. “I can see in your eyes that that’s not an option, right?”
“I can’t imagine living my life without him. Whenever we’re apart, I miss him so much. I wish we could be together all the time.”
“What about him? He’s married.”
“He doesn’t love her and he assures me she doesn’t love him either.”
“I believe that’s true. I know how arranged marriages work, and love is rarely part of the deal but the Famiglia is traditional and divorce isn’t something that’s accepted. I don’t know of any Capo or even Underboss who went through a divorce.”
“I know. I don’t see a way for us to be together, but I can’t imagine to never see him again either. I hate going behind everyone’s back. I hate the lies, I hate the hurt that the secrecy might cause. I hate that Amo cheats on his wife, even if she knows about it. I want things to be easy for us.”
“Love’s rarely easy or uncomplicated. It wasn’t for your father and me, not by far. I never told you the full truth about Dad and me. But I think it would help you feel better. Your father kidnapped me on my wedding day.”
I nodded. Nevio had once made a strange comment when we were fifteen and I had immediately started my research. It hadn’t taken me long to find newspaper articles about a kidnapped bride, my mother. She was supposed to marry another man that day. Mom smiled strangely. “Of course you found out. I guess I should have told you sooner.” She sighed. “Why I’m telling you now is that some might consider my actions as cheating. I was promised to someone but I was intimate with your father. I didn’t have feelings for the man I was supposed to marry, and neither had he.”
“But you returned to your family despite your feelings for Dad. How did they react?”
“They didn’t know I had feelings for Dad. For them it was incomprehensible. Your father was the enemy. He’d kidnapped me after all.”
“Do you think it would have changed things if you’d convinced them of your love for Dad? Would there have been peace between the Camorra and Outfit? Your marriage could have united what was divided.”
Mom laughed bitterly. “Oh no. That was never an option. There was too much bad blood between the Camorra and the Outfit. And my family would have never accepted my love for your father. I had tried to explain things to them, not as outright as I should have, but I tried in my own way. Your father’s actions were unforgivable in their eyes.”
“Isn’t it the same with me and Amo? There’s war.”
“It’s different. There isn’t as much personal hurt involved. But I won’t lie, it would be a miracle if Luca and your father made peace. If Amo weren’t married, there would be more options but a divorce would cause a major rip within the Famiglia. If Luca isn’t willing to face the backlash, I doubt he’ll allow Amo to leave Cressida.”
I’d thought about all this a million times. Maybe Dad would accept Amo into the Camorra if I begged him, but Amo would never take orders from Dad or Nevio.