“You scared us. When Ace called and told us you were at the hospital, and they didn’t know if you’d live...”
I squeeze Ava’s hand and then turn to Jenny, who swipes a tear out of her eyes before giving me a weak smile.
“Hey,” I whisper, reaching for her hand. “I’m ok.”
She nods and swallows. My mother takes my hand from Jenny’s and squeezes it.
“We were so scared. We thought we’d lose you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t scare me like that again. I might not be a good mother, but you’re my daughter and I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”
I smile at her, squeezing her hand. “You won’t, mom.”
The doctor finishes up a few checks and is just leaving when Jagger rounds the corner and flies into the room. He comes to an abrupt halt when he sees me lying on the bed, propped up and awake. His eyes flash and an emotion crosses his face I haven’t seen from him before, pure relief. The girls give me a hug, and leave, promising to come back later.
I nod in acknowledgment, but I don’t take my eyes from Jagger. He’s standing, just staring at me, his eyes glassy. He looks so vulnerable right now, like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. I take him in, letting my eyes scan every part of him. I see he has a few stitches on his face and one of his eyes is a little bruised. His shoulder is bandaged but aside from that he looks quite good. He stares at me with pained blue eyes, and I just want to run to him, but I can’t.
He looks like he wants to say so much, yet he still hasn’t said a word. He looks...broken. I grip the blanket and I toss it aside, patting the bed beside me. He walks over slowly and then very gently, crawls into bed with me. He isn’t speaking, and part of me knows why – he’s afraid he’ll break down if he speaks. So much happened on that island, and it nearly broke the both of us.
Instead, he wraps his arms around me and puts his head gently on my chest. I tangle my fingers in his hair and breathe him in. Hot tears prick my eyes, remembering how close we both got to losing each other. Jagger shudders silently, his body is trembling. I know he’s crying, but he’s silent about it. A man like Jagger doesn’t cry openly. I hold him as close as I possibly can. A moment into it, the nurse comes in. She stops when she sees us. I shake my head at her, and she nods, leaving.
I hold Jagger like that for over an hour. My legs become numb, and I can’t feel my body, but I don’t care. He needs me for whatever reason and I’m not going to pull away until he doesn’t need me anymore. After another half an hour, he finally moves. He lifts himself up a little and looks at me. His eyes are bloodshot and broken. I stroke his cheek and feel the stubble scratch my palm.
“It’s ok,” I whisper. “We’re ok.”
“I nearly lost you.” His voice is scratchy and hoarse.
“But you didn’t...”
“I thought...I was sure...I thought you were dead.”
I stroke a thumb down his cheek. “I’m ok, I know it was close but I’m ok.”
“I killed Mick.”
I figured. I knew it would have been him.
I swallow. “I know, honey.”
“He begged me not to. Told me he’d do anything. Not a single moment in my life have I ever seen my father beg and look scared. I still pointed the gun at him and ended his life. I took my own father’s life.”
His voice cuts off painfully. I know it hurts. Jagger hated his father but killing him couldn’t have been easy. It didn’t matter how cold one person was, that would tear into even the best of hearts.
“I can’t say anything to take that pain away from you, I know how hard it must have been...”
“He tried to kill my family and everything I loved. He tried to let my son grow up without his dad. He doesn’t deserve anyone’s pain.”
“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard,” I whisper.
“It’s over now, that’s all that matters.”
“Are you going to get into trouble?”
He shakes his head. “No, Huck has it covered. Mick was a bad man, no one is going to question what happened to him, as far as the police are concerned it was just a shootout between criminals. I wasn’t there...”
“Sharleen?”
“In prison with...Mary.”
“I’m sorry, Jagger.”
He looks up at me again, his eyes are full of love and pain. “No, you shouldn’t be sorry. You were right and I didn’t listen, if I had listened, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“No,” I say, stroking his cheek again. “One way or another, this would have come around. Mick was determined.”