“I know how it sounds,” Ace says. “Believe me, Willow. I’m fucking broken for leaving you the way we did. I honestly can’t tell you how bad I feel about that. I thought I was protecting you. That world was so dangerous, and if you went back, you risked putting yourself into life as a slave, and I wasn’t going to be the one to help you do that, but then Jenny rang me, and ...”
“Jenny!” I mutter. “All along you’re who she was speaking to?”
He nods.
“I’ll kill her,” I mutter, but I don’t mean it.
“Listen to me, please. She called a few weeks ago and told us about Cody. She said you weren’t getting any better and that we needed to make a decision regarding Jagger. So, we did that, and we’ve decided to get him back. We found out he’s fighting in Florida this month and it all just worked out how it was meant to. That boy needs his dad, and you need him.”
I cover my face again. I’m so angry and confused. I want to punch and hug Ace at the same time. I’m so angry that it took Cody to make him see that we needed to save Jagger. I’m so hurt that I wasn’t enough and yet I’m so grateful that he’s willing to help. I also can’t believe Jagger is so close, and I might not have known about it if they hadn’t showed up.
“I wasn’t enough to help?” I say, unable to stop myself.
I meet his eyes.
Ace winces. “Kid, come on. You know I love you. We all do, but Jagger made us swear. He didn’t want you to go after him, he knew whatever Mick had planned would be bad, and he didn’t want you involved.”
“You were my friends,” I say, standing. “You were my friends and you just abandoned me. That’s not good enough, Ace. I appreciate what you’re doing now, and I get that you couldn’t help me back then, but that’s not what broke my heart. What broke my heart is that you all left me when you knew the pain I was going through. You cut contact and left me. I can’t forgive you for that.”
I turn and walk off. I stroll slowly down the long stretch of beach in front of me. Tears burn in my eyes, but I refuse to let them out. I haven’t had a real breakdown since the day I left Jagger on that island, and I won’t have one now. I won’t. I’m stronger than that. I’ve hardened my heart. I’ve learned how to deal with things.
As the sun begins setting, I know I have to get back. Miles and miles I’ve walked, but I can’t stay away forever. With a pained sigh, I turn and walk back toward the house. When I get in, everyone is sitting at the dining table talking. My son is bouncing on Angel’s knee. As much as that sight tugs my heart strings, I’m still too angry. I walk over and take Cody, and, without another word, I turn and leave the room.
Everyone has gone silent, like I didn’t notice. I move to the bathroom and run a bath for Cody. I strip him off and put him in. He splashes and gurgles, completely oblivious. Oh, to be young and carefree again. He has no idea that his father is out there, fighting for his life. He has no idea that those men in there are dangerous. He has no idea, and it’s blissful.
“Is that fun, little buddy?” I say, stroking his cheek.
He grips my finger and slides it into his mouth, drooling all over it.
“Ew,” I say, sliding it out and smiling at him. He’s the only one who sees me smile. “That’s yucky.”
He laughs and splashes, sending water flying all over me. I hear footsteps behind me, but I don’t turn.
“Willow?”
It’s Jenny. I don’t look at her. I know why she went to the boys, but what I don’t know is why she didn’t bother to tell me. We’re sisters, but before that we’re best friends, and she lied to me. She kept something from me. I can’t help the hurt that comes rising up when I think about that.
“I know you’re mad at me, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
Her voice is soft, careful.
I turn to her. “You lied to me. They didn’t want to help me, Jenny. They left me alone and didn’t help me when I needed it, and now you want me to just let them in?”
“You have to let someone in,” she says, her voice shaky.
Tears glisten, and I can see she’s trying to fight them off.
“Why?” I whisper, fighting off my own demons.
“Because if you don’t, you’ll drown. You have a son, and he needs you, but you’re not there.”