“Tell me what I have to do.”
He nods, and then turns and leaves the room. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Think of Cody. Think of Cody. It’s for him. Everything I do is for him. Jagger needs to know. If anything, he needs to know. I owe both him and Cody that much.
I tell myself this, but even as I do, the pain in my chest turns to a scorching anger.
They were all wrong about Jagger.
He doesn’t love me.
If he loved me he wouldn’t be with her.
If he loved me ... he would have let me help.
He’s not thinking about me anymore, yet I’m still the one who has to do all of this for him, just in hopes he might get the chance to meet his son someday.
Bubbling rage sets into my chest, the kind of rage that I’m not even going to try and fight anymore.
I need it, because if I don’t feel rage then I’ll feel pain, and I’m so tired of pain. I need something else, something that’ll make me stronger, that’ll push my emotions down and let me do what needs to be done.
I need to hate him.
It’s the only way.
6
JAGGER
She believed me.
Only a few people have my new number, and I knew when that unknown caller came up that it would be her. I just fucking knew it. If it wasn’t, it would be one of the boys and they’d surely tell her what I said. I knew it was her when the phone line went dead. I am just adding to her hurt, I am pushing her to the limits. I know it’s not the right thing to do, I know I’m breaking her, but I have no other choice. It’s the only way she’ll move on.
She has to move on.
I had to make her think I was with Sharleen, I had to make sure she didn’t keep chasing me. If I didn’t, she could very well lose her life, and there is no way in hell I am letting that happen. Not on my watch. I toss the phone into the nearby wall and pace my room. I don’t know what they’re planning, but, obviously, my words weren’t enough to scare Willow away.
She’s so fucking stubborn.
Did she know I didn’t mean those harsh words I said on the beach that night? Maybe she knows me better than I know myself. I flop down onto the bed and close my eyes, thinking of her sweet face. God, I’ve missed her. I haven’t fucked another woman since the day she left, and I’m wound up so tightly. I can’t ... I just can’t move on. I tried, one drunken night, and I couldn’t do it. I’ll never be the same without her.
I’ll never fuck another woman and have it feel the way it felt with her. I’ll never have lips around my cock that’ll warm me the way hers did. I’ll never feel a kiss so damn sweet it knocks me off my feet. I feel my cock growing, and I snarl a curse. I have no problem getting hard when thinking about her, but when I try to move on, nothing. I told her to move on, one day I’ll have to do the same.
Acid runs through my veins at that thought. I can’t imagine anything worse than thinking of her with someone else. It fucking burns. I sit up and let my thoughts take me back to her, and that gorgeous little body with those beautiful breasts, that perky ass, and those sensual lips. I close my eyes and feel her beside me, touching me, kissing me, stroking me. She made everything okay. Everything.
I jerk my jeans down and grip my cock. I fucking hate doing this. Hate that I have to use my own hand because I can’t be with anyone else. I’m in love with a woman I can’t have, and I can’t get over that. I stroke up and down, grunting as pleasure swells in my body. Fucking hate this, but I love that for a moment I’m with her and it feels okay. It’s a moment, but it’s everything.
I stroke gently, picturing those full lips smiling up at me as she puts her tongue around my cock. I pick up the pace, feeling everything inside me tense as pleasure rises up my shaft ready to explode. I remember the sweet feeling of driving into her wet flesh and that’s my undoing. I grunt and begin spurting cum all over my stomach. I open my eyes and stare down at the white mess. I close my eyes and shake my head, sighing. I’m fucked up.
Pitiful. That’s all I am. Pitiful.
WILLOW
“Willow, you can’t go down there!”
Rusty is holding my arm, but I’m not listening. I know who they’ve got down there, and I want in. I want in like yesterday. I don’t care if they think they’re protecting me by keeping me away, I made a choice, and I’m sticking by it. That choice is that I’m going to be part of this, and no matter what they say or do, I’m not backing down.