I stare at him, and numerous things hit me at once. One is that we really should have sat down and aired this out properly to avoid what’s happening here, because it’s clear we’re both still carrying hurt. Two, he’s right, I ran and never bothered giving him a chance to explain. But, it isn’t all on me, and now is not the time to bring up issues that are really best handled behind closed doors.
I say nothing, because what is there to say?
“I know what you’ve lived through,” he goes on, “I lived through similar, but do you see me running every time things get tough? You’re a coward.”
Oh. No. He. Didn’t.
“Go fuck yourself,” I seethe.
“You have a mother that so desperately wants to make it up to you, but you refuse to see it because you’re so wrapped up in yourself.”
“How dare you?” I scream, throwing my hands up. “You just abused me in front of everyone because I didn’t tell you about your father, a father that you hate because of how he treated you. How is it okay for you to hate him, but not okay for me to hate my mother?”
“Your mother was sick, she was fuckin’ sick. She never meant it and she has worked to fix it. My father wasn’t sick, he did it because he could. There’s a fuckin’ difference.”
There are more people outside now, but I’m not noticing any of them. I’m simply staring at the man who chose now to tell me everything he’s feeling. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life. I drop my head, fighting for calm. I have to believe he doesn’t mean this stuff—of course he doesn’t, he’s angry and he’s triggered. He’s taking it out on me.
He always takes it out on me.
“You need to leave,” Mary pipes up. “He deserves so much better than you. You’re the meaning of darkness, and he needs something more.”
I snap my head up and glare at her with rage.
“Haven’t you ever had darkness in your life? Haven’t you ever lived through something that tested who you were and changed everything? How dare you stand here and judge me, you don’t know me. He is allowed to judge me, he knows me, but you —” I snarl, shoving my finger in her face “—you have no right.”
I look around at the group of men standing behind Jagger, they’re all staring at me. They’re not glaring, in fact some of them have kind expressions, but their side has been chosen since the start. They’re his brothers, they will never be anything but. I meet Jagger’s gaze once more, and then I raise my head and nod.
Then I turn and walk away, letting the waterfall of tears cascade down my face.
I can’t take this anymore.
There is too much damage, and I’m starting to think we’ll never get past it.
The past is always going to be there to haunt us, no matter what we do.
10
“Willow!”
Jagger’s voice fills the night as I rush down the sidewalk. I don’t stop.
I won’t stop.
“Stop!”
I don’t.
“Fucking stop!”
He grips my arm when he catches up and spins me around. I shove his hand from my arm and push him back. “Leave me be. Haven’t you had enough? How much more do you want to share with the world about me, Jagger? How much more do you want to sink me?”
“You can’t be alone out here. Your life is in danger.”
After all of this, that’s what he cares about?
I laugh bitterly.
“That’s what you want to talk about?”
I shake my head, bitterly, and then turn and begin walking off. He grips my arm again, stopping me.
“You’re not safe,” he grinds out.
I spin around, and this time, I slap him. I slap him so hard he is forced to take a step back as the sound from it radiates through the quiet streets. He looks shocked.
“What do you want from me?” I scream. “Can’t you see how toxic this is? How toxic we are? This isn’t a relationship, your aunt is right about that. It’s the most fucked up, damaged thing I’ve ever encountered, and I’m done with it. You just chose to tear me apart in front of everyone and now you want me to come with you?”
“It’s. Not. Safe.”
“I don’t care,” I scream so loudly I shock even myself.
Without another word, he leans down, and before I know it, I’m over his shoulder. I scream and pummel his back, but he doesn’t let me go. Even with his damaged hand, he’s still stronger than me. He strides purposefully down the sidewalk until he reaches the complex. Everyone is still standing and talking. They stare wide-eyed when he walks past them and into his apartment. He carries me to his room and throws me on the bed.
“Let me go,” I growl the second I am on my feet again. “This isn’t some sort of game.”