I’m still sitting on the edge of the bed, just staring at the man in front of me, head pounding, wondering what it is I’m going to do next.
“I fucked up,” he says, his voice raspy. “I fucked up with so many things in my life, and now I’m doing it to you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to fucking break you. But I am, that’s what I do. Yet, the thought of you leaving makes me fuckin’ crazy, I can barely breathe when I think about you being gone. I don’t know how to be the man you want, but I can’t let any other man try. I want you, I want ...”
I stand and step forward, taking his face in my hands, running my fingers down the stubble on his cheeks as I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him. I kiss him long and deep, until he isn’t so rigid, until he begins to soften into me, and only then do I pull back and meet his gaze. “You’re exactly the man I want, but mostly, you’re the man I need. I don’t care if you’re broken, because I am, too. I only care that you don’t pull away from me. That you let me in. That you let me be what you need, because, Jagger, I know I can be.”
He leans forward and kisses my head, lingering for long moments. “I can’t leave you. I can’t even think about leaving you. I’ll try. That’s all I can tell you.”
“That’s enough for me.”
I glance down, and that’s when I notice his bloody knuckles. I reach for his hands, taking them into mine and bringing them to my lips, kissing his fingers.
“You’re hurt.”
He grunts. “Nobody touches what’s mine, Willow.”
I meet his eyes.
My heart feels as though it’s going to explode.
I release his hand and then disappear out of the room. I go into the kitchen and fetch the first-aid kit, and then I walk back and find him sitting on the end of the bed. I sit beside him and take his hands. I begin cleaning them up, dabbing the blood away and applying antiseptic cream. He stares at me the entire time; not once do his eyes turn away from my face.
“I love you,” he says, suddenly, and those words make my heart swell so big it feels like it might just jump out of my chest. “You’re my darkness, my light, my fuckin’ everything.”
I look up at him and his light blue eyes burn into mine.
“I love you.”
God.
If only he knew how much.
“WILLOW, SWEETHEART, it has been so long. How are you?”
I step forward and hug Sarah. It has been a while since I’ve been in to visit my mother, and I know I should have made more of an effort to come in more, but I’ve just been ... well ... it doesn’t matter. I’m here now.
“I’m good. I’m doing good. How are you, Sarah?” I ask, leaning down to fill in the visitor form once we’ve stepped back.
“I’m well.” She smiles.
“How’s mom?”
“She’s doing really well, she has been a lot better lately. I’m hoping that’s a good sign, for you and her. Is Jenny here, too?” she asks, glancing at Jagger who is standing right beside me, arms crossed, saying nothing but well and truly make his presence known.
“Not today.” I force a smile. “Soon, I’m sure. You remember Johnny?”
They met at my father’s funeral.
“Nice to see you again, Johnny.”
“You, too,” Jagger answers, voice gruff.
“Okay, well, she’s expecting you so let’s go on through”.
Jagger leans down and kisses my head and takes a seat in the waiting room as I follow Sarah out into the hallway.
“That man of yours, he really is something.”
I smile. She has no idea. “Yeah, he is.”
“Are you two official?”
“I guess you could say that,” I murmur.
She laughs. “Relationships these days, they’re complicated. Am I right?”
“You are,” I chuckle.
We go through a few security doors and checks, and when we reach my mother’s room, Sarah leads me in and out onto the patio. My mother is sitting, staring out at the gardens. It’s hard to see if she’s looking better from this angle, but I’m glad to see she’s got a bigger room and is sitting outside. When she hears us, she turns and her eyes lock onto mine. She puts a smile on her face and stands, walking over and wrapping her arms around me.
“You look different, Willow,” she says, pulling back and staring down at me. “You’ve lost weight. Are you eating?”
“I am. I’m okay. How are you, Mom?”
“I’m well enough. I’ve missed you. I thought you would come visit after your father’s funeral.
“Right,” I say, my voice tight. “Well, things have been complicated.”
“I can only imagine after that man came back from the dead and then went ahead and actually died, you can only imagine what it has done to me. But, did you hear the good news? If I keep doing this well, I can leave soon.”