“I know,” I say.
But I’m not sure I believe it.
When Jagger returns, his face is hard with anger. It’s the kind of anger that makes my entire body tingle. He looks like he’s going to explode. Like the world is about to come crashing down around him.
“She wasn’t in protection,” he seethes, his voice barely a whisper. “That lying fucking bitch was never in protection. Fuck.”
What?
I stare at him and can see the rage building inside, he’s going to explode soon. I can’t say I blame him. She was his wife. He trusted her. Then he thought she died and when she returned, his heart was torn in so many different directions it must have been so horribly confusing. All to find out she was playing him. I carefully walk over to him, gripping his shoulders. He turns his head away, panting with rage.
“Hey, look at me,” I murmur.
He doesn’t.
“Johnny,” I say softly. “Eyes.” He turns and meets my gaze. “This isn’t on you, and I know you’re mad, but you have to keep calm. You have to be better than her right now, you have to be one step ahead. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Get it together.”
He swallows and closes his eyes a moment. “She was my wife,” he grinds out. “Once, I fuckin’ loved her. I fuckin’ married her only to find out she was playin’ me the whole time. Was any of it real? Was there a single fuckin’ moment that wasn’t a lie?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it.
I am sorry.
He jerks his head away, clearly still furious.
I let him, because, right now, I’m not sure he’s ready for me to push.
“So what now, boss?” Bull asks.
“We wait, someone’s going to try something soon. In the meantime, I’m going to do what I can to find out who’s behind this and why the hell my fucking wife is in on it.”
Bull nods. “Clear.”
The guys all leave and when we’re alone, Jagger turns and walks out, leaving me standing, feeling the kind emptiness that makes me uneasy. He’s pulling away, I can feel it with every passing second, and I’m not sure how to get it back. That wall he was slowly lowering down has come up with a vengeance, and if I don’t get behind it again soon, I’ll lose him.
“Hey,” I call before he reaches the front door, keys in hand.
He turns and glances at me.
“You’re leaving me here alone?”
His face softens, just a touch. It’s still hard as a god damned rock. “No,” he mutters, dropping the keys.
He was going to leave, after he just told everyone I wasn’t to be alone.
His mind is distracted.
“I know you’re having a hard—”
“Don’t tell me how I feel, Willow,” he growls. “You have no fuckin’ idea how I feel.”
“Because you refuse to let me in. You want this, don’t you? Because if you don’t, you need to speak up and tell me now so I can leave. If you do, then you need to learn to let me in, because whatever is going down, we need to go into it together.”
“I don’t know what I fuckin’ want right now, all I know is that my mind is fuckin’ consuming me, and I need a god damned minute to sort it out. I’ll bring Angel back, I need to go out.”
He turns and walks out of the front door.
“Jagger!” I call.
He doesn’t stop.
There he goes again, stomping all over my heart.
I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.
8
Jagger doesn’t return, not that day and not that night.
I end up going back to my apartment, because at least I can be with Ava when I’m there. Angel comes by and spends the night with her, but I know it’s because he doesn’t want to leave me alone. Well, he knows better than to leave me. Still, it hurts me that Jagger has once again done a disappearing act instead of facing what’s going on.
I’m growing frustrated, and I’m not going to keep giving him chances.
When he gets back, we’re going to decide once and for all if this is worth fighting for because I’m more than a little tired of the games.
I wake before everyone the next morning and, after making a coffee, I open the fridge only to find not a single ounce of good food in there. Sighing, I shut it and lean against the counter, sipping my coffee. I could make a quick dash to the store; it’s literally just up the road and on a busy street. It’s safe enough, right? I can’t hide in this house forever, especially when they don’t even know what’s going on yet.
I debate back and forth for a bit, and then decide I’ll take my car. It’s safer if I drive and at least I can park close to the entrance and then right back at the apartment. I get changed, gather my keys, and get into my car, driving to the store. It’s quite busy, which is good, because that means there are a lot of people around. I manage to get a spot right near the front door, ensuring nobody can attack me at my car.