Lewis lowers his voice and I can hear the pain in his words. “That's just it. What if she's right? What if I do start to hate him? I mean, I love him more than I can even say. But what if she's right?”
I shake my head. “She's not right. You're going to look back and realize you did a good job with your son and that he didn't hold you back from anything. When you find the right person in the relationship feels right, it'll just fall into place naturally. I promise.” I'm thinking about my relationship with Stacia as I speak. Sure, everything isn't perfect, and on the surface everything is all wrong, but I have no doubt that things are going to work out in the end, because I know we're perfect for one another.
Lewis nods, as if taking my words on board. “I'm sure you're right. She just really made me doubt myself, you know?”
“Yes, and that tells me she's not the right person for you, because the right person's going to build you up, not tear you down.” I haven't had a lot of relationships, but I know what a good, solid, healthy relationship looks like, and that ain't it.
Lewis nods again. “You're making too much sense. Are you sure you're not a shrink?”
“Very, very, very certain. But I do have parents who have been together for a very long time and have showed me what love really looks like. And I promise you, tearing somebody down isn't the way to do it. Making them doubt themselves? That's not real love. That's someone trying to bully you into something you don’t want by making you afraid that you're going miss out on something.”
I duck my head to get full eye contact from him before saying my final sentence with every bit of earnestness I can muster. “I don't think you're missing out on anything.”
He nods again and lowers his head so he's staring down at the top of his coffee cup. His thumb traces the edge of the rim and I know he's deep in thought. “You're right and I really appreciate you doing this for me. Again, I know she's your friend too, so I'm sure you've given her advice on how to go about all of this, but, I'm really thankful that you're here for me.”
“Oh, don't make any mistakes about it. I absolutely did not tell her to bully you into anything.”
He seemed surprised. “Oh, that's not what I meant.”
I nod. “Oh, I know. I just want to be very, very clear so there's no doubt in your mind that that is absolutely not the kind of advice I would have given her.”
I really feel for him. I don't know how hard it is to be a parent, but I can imagine how difficult it must be trying to date with a son and a painful past. On top of that, to add somebody who doesn't know how to take no for an answer and he just doesn't stand a chance. I have no doubt he'll find the right person. He's a good guy. He's smart. He's not really focused on finding anyone right now, but that's OK. He doesn't have to be. He's focused on being a good dad and making sure he makes money and doing all the things that keep life moving.
“Doing a good job.” As I say the words, they both mean them and have a feeling that he needs to hear them. Completely normal, right when he tears up and nods his head, staring down at the table so I won't see his reaction.
“Thank you,” he says, his voice choked up.
“So how is Kevin doing?” I since it's time to shift the conversation away from Karen and more into what's going on in Lewis's life outside of her. Certainly the best place to start is Kevin, his kid. He’s bright, intelligent, does well in school, has a chance at a great future and with how much time, effort, affection, and love his father focuses on him, he has a chance to go far.
Lewis's face lights up with pride and happiness. “He's still doing really good in school. He asked me if I'd put him in woodworking lessons, which are going great. He's learning basic joints right now and it's amazing to watch him grow.”
“Woodworking, huh? That's a really good way to go.” I know Lewis is a self-made man, just like Karen and I. But I also know that he's not the type to push his son into anything he doesn't want to do, and I want to make sure that he knows that. I don't think that there is any shame in going into a job like woodworking.
“It's a really good skill.” I can see Lewis's pride as he speaks. “And he's really good at it. I watched him do a perfect dovetail, and it was just astounding to watch. His concentration, his excitement, his joy when he got it just right. And it looked really good, especially for a beginner.”
“And how are you doing?” I want to make sure that he knows that he is also important because he's definitely going to prioritize his son over everything else in his life.
Lewis lifts his shoulders, as if he's not really sure. “Tired. I think I'm working too hard, but it is what it is and we do what we have to do, right? It's exhausting to work the job that I do and come home and be a full time Dad. Sometimes it takes every bit of energy I have to pull myself out of bed in the morning and make breakfast.”
“Have you considered finding help?” I have no doubt that he's looked into every possible avenue but sometimes the simplest answers are the ones that we forget.
“Like a housekeeper? I'm not sure what you mean.”
We both take a moment of silence and sip our coffee, staring out the window, enjoying the cars driving by, the beautiful view of the mountains and the green trees. No matter what's going on in life, it's very, very calm here. And this place helps put me at ease, helps me think, helps me remember what's truly important in life.
“Not a housekeeper, I was thinking more like a nanny. Maybe somebody part time who can just come in and give you a hand with the dad parts of life that get overwhelming?” I think about it for a second. “Of course, a housekeeper might be helpful too.”
I can see the wheels turning as Lewis thinks. “I thought nannies were just for little little kids,” he says.
I left my shoulders wondering how Stacy is doing and thinking about Lewis's words. “I don't know. It seems strange to me to think that nannies stop helping once kids become toddlers. It makes more sense to me that they would be willing to stick around and help until the child is old enough to take care of themselves.”
Louis chuckles. “All I hear you saying is that I need a nanny for myself because-”
He trails off and I let out a laugh before taking another drink in my coffee. “Now there's a billion dollar business idea; nannies for adults.”
“I don't know. To hear my brother's wife tell it, she is definitely his nanny. Which tells me that adult nannies are actually called wives or husbands.” We both laughed quietly at the bad joke, and for a moment, everything feels right in the world.
Claps me on the shoulder, his eyes warm and his expression lighter than I've seen it in a long time. “Thank you. You made me feel a lot better.”