It's all so new and strange to me, but I remember my parents fondly recounting their love at first sight story. I'm not saying that's what Stacia and I have, but it sure is quick. What if this feeling between us is as real and binding as the love at first sight that has kept my parents together for nearly fifty years?
I continue petting her hair, wondering if I’m losing my mind as the TV drones on in the background.
“Is everything okay?” she asks, glancing up at me.
I nod. “Just trying to figure things out.”
She pauses the movie and sits upright, her brows furrowing as she studies my face. “What are you trying to figure out?”
“Us. What if we gave this a serious try?” I’m careful not to be too hopeful, but the stunned look in her eyes and the way her throat shifts as she swallows tells me she’s not so sure. “I mean, no harm, no foul if it doesn’t work out. I’ll still honor our deals and everything.”
“Are you sure?”
I can feel her doubt hanging over us like a threatening storm cloud. She subtly pulls away from me, her whole body stiffening. As she shifts away from my touch, I realize there’s something else she’s not telling me. Or maybe it’s the same thing she hasn’t been telling me this whole time.
She’s withdrawing, and all I can do is watch her go… and take any hopes I have of making this thing between us as real as it feels with her.
“I-” she trails off, as if searching for the right words as she sits upright on the couch, the movie all but forgotten in the background.
“It’s okay,” I say, lifting a hand. Her full-body reaction to my words tells me everything I need to know.
No matter how real this feels between us, it’s a transaction to her.
A job.
I’m just a paycheck.
And that’s fine – this was my idea.
I just wish it didn’t hurt so damn much.
Chapter Ten
Stacia
I don’t know what to say. But as he shuts me down before I can respond, I try to figure out how to get out of this mess.
I like Nathan. I really do. He’s a truly good guy, kind, smart, fun to spend time with, and boy does he get my pulse pounding and my body humming like no other guy ever has.
But he doesn’t know the truth.
He doesn’t know about my ex, how I got so deeply into a relationship with someone who did me dirty. And I deserve it. I messed up.
As if saving me from the awkward moment, my phone chimes. I pull it out of my pocket and check the message. The unknown number has my blood running cold. He found me.
He’d told me I could never run far enough or hide well enough to get away from him. I guess I should have listened.
Flashing a false smile at Nathan, I stand up. “I have to respond to this – it’s family.” I hate lying to him, and the second I do, I see his eyes narrow. “Okay, it’s not family, but it’s important.” The words tumble from my mouth and I rush from the room, not sure where to go to escape… and not sure why I’m running in the first place.
I duck into the bedroom, then into the master bath and sit beside the tub with a perfect view out the window. Pulling my knees to my chest and pushing my back to the natural stone wall, I take a deep breath, then open the message.
My heart sinks.I still love you, you know. I can’t believe you hurt me like this. How could you?
I squeeze my eyes closed against the sting of tears. He doesn’t love me, he never did. He used love as a weapon, a way to get what he wanted from me. Now he’s using it to try to get under my skin… and it’s working.
I can’t do this. I don’t have time for this. I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to hold back the sob that threatens to break free. And he starts sending pictures. Selfies of us smiling, happy, when I was in love with him and thought he loved me. Back when I would have done anything for him.
I feel the darkness welling up inside. The same darkness that took over me in the days after he left and threatened to destroy me.