I don't know why I'm here with him, to make up names and stories, to act like I'm his long-term girlfriend, when in reality I'm not, and I'll never be.
I was supposed to be here to help him make good decisions, not monumentally stupid ones!
I should turn around and call an uber. I can't afford, and make it home, safely, where I'll think about him, and what I'm doing, and how big of a mistake I'm making. This could ruin my life. Here I go again, messing up my life over another guy. How do I keep doing this to myself?
There are only two of us, on top of the world, and we're about to spend more time in his incredible cabin, going on mini-vacations, doing...wherever it is this guy with money - as he so confidentially told me moments ago - does. He doesn't even care about breaking leases! He owns his own apartment. He's so out of my league, but not just in the money department. Oh, dear god, not just in the money department.
Right now, it's just the two of us, and we have no choice but to spend time together. On the plus side, at least I'm saving him from a bad situation and not the other way around. And it'll mean money to help improve my situation a bit. Maybe I can dig out of this crushing hole I'm in.
Why does he have to be so...handsome?
Why does he have to be so damn sexy?
Why does he have to be so...nice?
A knock at the door drags me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay in there?" Nathan asks.
"Fine," I say. "Just...freshening up. Be out in a minute."
I'm not being honest with him. Not at all.
"Are you sure?" he asks, concern filling his voice.
I swallow and clear my throat. "I'm fine," I lie. "Just a few more minutes."
"Take your time." I hear his footsteps as he walks away, and breathe a sigh of relief.
My eyes drop to my hands where my engagement ring used to sit. I'm not wearing it anymore. The ring is hidden in a drawer in my nightstand. I never took it off, even when I was dating my ex. It was one of the memories of my grandma, the only thing I had left of her, and I wasn't about to give it up. I had held on to it through every up and down in life and wore it like armor to protect me from men in my life and later as a way to help my ex be less possessive and angry.
But Nathan isn't anything like my ex. And this is just a fake fling. This is just a fake relationship with a guy who'll one day cut me loose and never think of me again. I have to remember that. And I just need to get through the discomfort and emotions. I just need to get through it and make the money I need to catch up on the massive debt looming overhead.
I have to keep my emotions in check. My mind in check. I have to remember what this is.
I step closer to the mirror and blink, exhale, and finger-comb my hair, trying to look my best. I need to keep my eye on the prize.
I step out of the restroom and head for the living space. Nathan is sitting on the couch, clearly waiting for me as he sips his coffee and stares out the window at the amazing view. I already love it here, and I have to remind myself that this isn't my home and I could never afford a place like this. There will be a lot to get used to, and I need to keep my thoughts and feelings in check. I inch across the room toward him.
"Hello again, Stacia." He throws a warm smile my direction and I stop, stunned by my body's reaction to him. My pulse jumps, my breath catches, and I feel frozen in place. I'm going to have to get used to this.
"Are you ready to continue setting rules and boundaries?"
His voice is making me crazy. It's deep, smooth, and surprisingly soothing. I can't help but imagine how it would sound in bed...
"I'm fine," I say. "Just felt weirdly out of my element for a moment. It'll pass."
"Alright. I know this will take some adjustment." His attention stays locked on me as I stare out the window, afraid he'll see his effect on me. I lower onto the loveseat, afraid to sit too close to him. He might hear my heartbeat or feel how warm I am.
"I'm good, thank you."
"I'm glad." He sounds genuinely glad that I'm ready to proceed, and my brain kicks into overdrive as I try to process all these sudden changes.
We're fake dating now. We're setting rules and boundaries. He said we need to discuss how far we're willing to go. Oh, god, was he hinting that we might have to...
I glance at him, worried what all this deal will include.
Before I can open my mouth to say a word, my gaze lowers to his body. His arms bulge under the soft tee-shirt he's wearing. I realize I've never seen him dressed so casually before and I wonder what's beneath the clothing.
He catches me staring and I can't look away until he smirks. Damn him. I'm not used to people looking at me with lust in their eyes.