Steven really wasn't thinking. If he had been thinking, he would have remembered that she had a son, and he was likely still going to be up. He was the one who answered the door, and it took Steven a minute to realize that he had made a mistake. Dennis said hello and then he heard Cassandra calling out to him, asking whoever was at the door.
“It's Steven, Mom!”
At that moment, he wished that he wasn't there. He wished that he had thought about it a little bit better and kept calling her until she answered. Now it was this weird gray area, and he wasn't sure how it was all going to turn out. Really, he was there to see her, but he was also there to see if she had told her brother yet. Steven would like to know if he had somebody that might possibly be coming after him. When Luke found out, he would likely not be so happy with it.
“Steven?” Cassandra asked from somewhere behind her son. “Well, tell him to come in.”
Dennis moved out of the way of the door and Steven walked in feeling rather awkward about the whole situation. He cursed himself and his impatience. What was he thinking? Why couldn't he have done it a different way? He knew then that he was going to have to stay, and he was going to have to come up with a complete other reason why he was there.
He moved into the space, smelled something good, and figured that Cassandra was cooking. He hadn’t spent much time with her in the domestic way. It came over Steven that the feeling was then different. She was different. Her hair was down, Cassandra was more relaxed, and she didn’t seem as hyped up as she was when Luke was over. Luke had a tendency to put people on edge, and his sister was one of those people. Also, he’d caught her off guard. Steven hoped that she wouldn’t be mad at him about it.
He saw cards on the table and asked them what game they were playing. Dennis happily told him that they were playing war.
“War? What is war?” Steven had never heard of the game before. Dennis told him in halting sentences and a little bit of stuttering. He got the gist of it though and when Dennis asked him if he could play, there was no way that Steven would be able to say no. Dennis was the sweetest kid, and he took to him immediately. He sat down at the table with him and the two played. Steven picked the game up quickly.
The boy was quick-witted and enjoyable to be around. He was a lively boy, bursting with energy, and he looked a lot like his mom. Steven couldn't help but see the resemblance, although he did look a lot like Nelson as well.
That was a reminder that he was going down the same road with her that Nelson had. His mind went to Luke and how he was going to react to it all. His best friend, he really did not want to do it to his best friend, but he didn't know another way. How could he walk away from Cassandra? It wasn't just physical with her, it was something more. The longer he was with her and around her, his intentions kept changing.
He ate dinner with them, and it felt natural, like he was supposed to be there, and everything about it made him more resolved in his decision. He had to press on, and he was going to have to tell his best friend that he had broken the promise that he had made to him. It hurt him to have to do so. No man should ever have to tell their best friend that they had lied to them.
When it came time for Dennis to go to bed, he asked that Steven be the one to read to him. It didn't seem like a big deal, until he saw Cassandra's face. To her it was a big deal, and she was shocked. Whatever was going through her mind, he couldn't back off now. He was too excited. She smiled at him and told him to go get a book and brush his teeth.
“I didn’t mean to overstep,” Steven started, but Cassandra waved him off.
“No, it's nothing like that. It's just, it's just I didn't expect it. Dennis does not warm up to people as quickly as other kids his age. I'm surprised he has taken to you so well.”
“You sound like you might not be all that happy with that.”
“It's not that I like or dislike it. It's just surprising. Dennis usually takes a lot longer to get to know somebody, and I don't know if I've ever seen him take to someone as quickly as he has with you.”
Steven barely touched her cheek gently. “It's a good thing.”
It didn’t matter if she agreed or not. While it might be something good, she was still very uneasy about the whole thing, and it showed.
Steven asked if she had talked to her brother yet, and she said she hadn’t. Dennis came back and they went to go read the book of his choice. Steven was torn between what he wanted and reality. He hoped that real life started to look more like what he knew could happen.
Chapter 40
Cassandra
Steven popping up out of the blue was a surprise. He’d never done it before. She definitely wasn’t prepared for Steven to stay and play a silly card game with her son. Then he stayed for dinner, relayed all sorts of funny anecdotes that were age appropriate. He was something else. Strangely, he was everything that she knew she needed.
Cassandra had not been a single mother very long, but she definitely felt it. She felt like she was never going to be enough because she wasn't a father. Steven took that role on so quickly that she didn't even have to ask. How quickly Dennis warmed up to him was shocking as well. Seeing Dennis open up made her realize that her worst fear was true. She wasn’t enough for her son. She wanted to be, but feared she never would be enough because she wasn’t a man.
So, Steven being there, her listening to him read the story to her son, filled her with too many feelings to keep up with. Cassandra wasn't sure how things could work between them. It wasn't just the fact that her brother would completely freak out. How would Dennis feel? Would he feel like she was trying to replace Nelson? Would Nelson start being a better father because of it? Cassandra couldn’t be sure. All she could think was that she was playing with fire.
Why did everything with Steven have to feel so dangerous? It felt like the danger came from every direction and so she pressed on, knowing that what was between them was worth it. She had no real proof of that, but she couldn't shake the feeling.
She gave her son a kiss, said prayers with him before she closed the door behind her. Steven was back in the kitchen drinking coffee, and Cassandra kind of shook her head in disbelief.
“What?”
“Nothing, it's just good to see him so relaxed. Usually, he's still bouncing around at this time of night. I can never get him to calm down.”
“Well, we read ‘Sleepy Cat’ three times, so that might have something to do with it.”
“It probably did, though I think it had a lot to do with it being you, Steven. I have never seen him act that way with anyone else. You are really good with him, better than I would have ever imagined. Do you have kids? I guess I never asked before, but now I wonder.”