“You have to know that it’s been on my mind, but so has your brother. If he hooks up with Aaliyah, then he won’t be able to say anything. I mean, how could he?”
Cassandra disagreed, “Come on, you know my brother better than that, don’t you? It isn’t like we are the same person. He can do it, but I can’t. You know Luke well enough to know that’s how he is.”
Steven shrugged and she reminded him that it didn’t matter what her brother did. He wouldn’t be okay with the two of them together. He hadn’t been okay with it before, and Cassandra figured that he wasn’t going to just change his mind all of a sudden. Luke would not see how it was the same. Cassandra didn’t care if her brother was with Aaliyah, as long as he wasn’t bad to her. Luke cared though, so much that they hadn’t talked for years because of Nelson. She didn’t want that to happen again.
Steven pulled her close and asked her if she was willing to give up the feeling that they had between them. Cassandra gasped with the question and then said that she had to go. Cassandra could feel what was going to happen if she let it. It would have dire consequences. It wasn’t something that should be done with no thought, even though it would feel amazing if she could just let go and feel, do what she needed more than anything else.
“You don’t have to drive me, Steven. I’ll get a cab.”
Steven sighed. That hadn’t gone the way he wanted. “No, don’t. I will take you home, Cassandra. You don’t have to worry about anything. I get it, you don’t want me in the same way that I want you.”
Cassandra shook her head and said that it wasn’t true. “I do want you, Steven, but the consequences are harsh. I don’t know if I can be shunned by Luke again. You guys are best friends. I don’t want to ruin that. It’s just not worth it.”
Steven nodded like he agreed, but he didn’t. He definitely thought it was worth it.
Chapter 19
Cassandra
She heard a knock at the door, but Cassandra wasn’t expecting anyone, and it was probably someone looking for someone else. Cassandra was in the office space that Steven let her use and since the dance and weird way that they had left things, she had been avoiding him like the plague. If he was there now, she would expect it because she wouldn’t be able to take off. He was forcing her to deal with him.
Cassandra rubbed the water out of her eyes and tried to remember the last time she’d let tears fall. It had been a while, and it was of course at the strangest time. She had filed divorce papers that morning and though it was what she wanted, presently, it still made her stop in her tracks. It was the end of something that she had naively thought would last forever.
Cassandra was happy in one way but saddened by the failure of the divorce and marriage. There was also her son to think about and how the two were already seeing each other less. Cassandra wished that things were different, but they weren’t, and she knew that she had to get used to the new way of things.
Call it pride or whatever it was, Cassandra didn’t want him to know that she was upset. If it was Steven, there was nothing she could do. He saw everything and he would notice. When she opened the door and saw that it was in fact Steven, Cassandra sighed. At the same moment, he looked at her like he wanted to make it all better. He noticed, immediately, and there was nothing that she could do about it.
“What’s up, Steven?”
Cassandra tried to put a smile on her face, but it was hard. She looked away from his knowing eyes after a moment. Cassandra didn’t want to feel even worse than she did. It was just a weird day, and Steven was going to want to know what was wrong with her. She didn’t want to explain it, talk about it, or say most of it out loud. Cassandra was in denial in some ways. She knew that she was getting divorced, newly single, and feeling a tad bit overwhelmed and lonely. Having a son to take care of alone was daunting. It all was and while she told herself she would deny it all, Cassandra couldn’t help the pain that filled her.
“What is up with you, Cassandra?” Steven asked with concern. She moved from the door and told him to come in. Cassandra didn’t want to have that conversation and he must have known that, because he didn’t pry anymore. He didn’t ask and she didn’t volunteer. The truth of the matter was that Cassandra was having a hell of a time with it and when he just folded her into his large embrace, Cassandra melted against him. It was what she wanted, that firm touch, and for Steven to tell her that everything was okay. It wasn’t, she knew that much, but just to hear it said so soothingly in her ear, made her feel a bit better about it all.
She clung to him for quite some time. Cassandra wanted desperately to get back to a place where she didn’t need a man’s comfort, but Steven was different. She’d known him so long, there was no way to look at him as just some guy. When his touch started to change, his desire well known and pushed against her hip, Cassandra started to pull away. Steven held her to him for a second and their eyes met.
“I just want to help. Tell me how I can help.” Steven implored to her, and Cassandra answered by pressing her lips against his. It wasn’t hurried or anything like before. She was deliberate, convinced that what she needed was for him to touch her as he was. He felt amazing and Cassandra was starting to think that they could do something right there. She would have given it a real thought, if not for the knock that she heard behind her. Steven growled under his breath and Cassandra straightened herself up. She needed that, but also the fresh air in the midst of it as well. If she hadn’t been brought out of her spell, there was no telling what would have happened.
She went to the office door, and someone asked for a guy named Gilbert. She mentioned that he had moved down the hall. She’d found out earlier that someone had been in the office she occupied. She chatted with them for a few seconds before she shut the door and looked guiltily to Steven. “I don’t think we should have done that.”
Steven scoffed and walked toward her, about to pull her back into his embrace. She sidestepped him, determined that she wasn’t going to let him get his hands on her again. If he did, Cassandra knew that there would be nothing she could do. She would be lost in his arms, against his lips, and it would do her literally no good. Cassandra had to be smart and keep her distance.
“I’m fine, really. Thank you for checking on me, Steven.”
He caught the drift, even if he didn’t want to. Steven said that he was just checking on her and if she needed anything, he was right down the hall.
“Anything at all.”
Cassandra blushed and agreed that she would, unable to meet his gaze for several moments. She knew what that ‘anything’ included. He had no idea how badly she wanted to pull him back into the room and finally give in. Cassandra needed him, just as much as he felt like he needed her.
Chapter 20
Steven
Months went by and since the second kiss at her office, the moment together when she was weak and had let him in, Steven had not seen much of Cassandra. It was a shame too, because Cassandra was hard to forget about. It was especially hard when it wasn’t Steven’s bidding that made it happen. His friend also talked about his sister a lot, so really it was a constant slow torture that he didn’t seem able to stop. It was hard for Steven to be around her without all of the old feelings coming up, so he stayed away and left situations which put them together. It wasn’t easy, but he was doing the best he could.
When they were thrust together for a short road trip to the city, Steven was happy to ride in the back and not say much of anything. Even when he was driving, Cassandra was in the front seat next to him and her brother was sleeping in the back seat, Steven didn’t try anything. He never mentioned the kiss, never tried to kiss her again. He was waiting for something, a sign maybe, to let him know that he was going in the right direction. Whatever it was, he tried his best to look for it, but it never came. He was just filled with uncertainty.
The short road trip was for the three of them to look at some buildings that Steven was going to buy. He had asked his friend if he wanted to take the trip, but Luke had invited his sister. He had claimed that it was to help drive, but Steven didn’t see that as the reason. She hadn’t driven at all on the trip, so he didn’t know why she was there.